By Carol Muskoron
Does size really matter? Drumroll please... yes and no. On the 'yes' side, there are times when size simply does matter. If you feel that your bloke is either a bit on the small side, or a bit on the big side, it can be confusing and upsetting for you both. He might be so big that he hurts you, or so small that penetration is unfulfilling - and either way you might end up feeling you're just not physically compatible. Bad news.
On the 'no' side, the size of the penis has very little to do with a woman's orgasm. Lots of women do find the idea of a big penis exciting and some love the feel of them but, on a practical level, a long or wide one won't physically help you to come. The vaginal passage is just three or four inches wide and only stretches a little lengthways during sex, so anything bigger than that is a waste! Even the G-spot is only about two inches up inside you and is, sadly, in the wrong position for a penis to reach. Plus, of course, for most women, orgasm and attraction are very much in the mind, so what we're thinking about during sex can often be more important than anything physical.
But if the size of his penis is proving awkward in any way, there are tried and trusted ways of helping things along...
Make sure his penis feels loved
Play with it and work out what it likes and dislikes - the better you know his best friend, the more it will like you, the less hung-up your partner will be about its size... and the better sex will be.
Get him to use his fingers
Explain to him that this is far more important than the size of his penis. A man who knows how to make you come with his fingers is a real asset, whatever size his member.
If it's small...
Sex from behind makes the penis feel bigger, especially with your head down and bum up. Scissor positions are good too - where one of you turns sideways so that your hips don't get in the way of penetration. Get into vibrators. Assure him that this is not in place of the bigger penis you're missing, but just a way of adding to the pleasure. You can of course use them all over the body and not just for penetration. If his penis is very thin, tone up your muscles with some pelvic floor exercises - he'll appreciate the new gripping power as much as you will. Take the opportunity to give him the best blow jobs ever. Small ones are so much easier to take into your mouth and to keep there for longer. And nothing makes a man's penis feel more loved than oral sex!
Surgery?
None of the drugs or exercise methods available have been able to lengthen the penis, but there is an operation a man can have to extend it. In rare cases GPs can refer men through the NHS - it's not complicated surgery and it can be done privately but it's an extreme measure for a bloke to take.
If it's big...
Being on top gives you more control so that you can edge on and off the penis at your comfort, not his. It's natural to gag when something huge is shoved down your throat and he should understand this and not be disappointed or think you don't like giving him blow jobs. You do, but he musn't suffocate you in the process. Use some good old KY jelly if he's hurting you, this can quickly turn pain into pleasure. Give loads of attention to the part that doesn't get contact with you during penetration, ie the lower part of the shaft - concentrating on the more sensitive underside (the area nearest his scrotum when he's not erect). Rub yourself on this area before penetration, touch it while you're making love and give it oral attention during foreplay.
Finally, whether he's big or small, stay positive. This doesn't mean denying there's a potential issue. It means making him feel that you're going to work together to get over it. The likelihood is that he'll know you're having trouble. So talk to him about it in a relaxed, matter-of-fact way. It's a hurdle you're going to get over. You fancy him like mad. Nothing is going to change that. You will make it work. Remember, sex is very much a field of discovery and exploration and although you might feel physically mis-matched initially, you can become dynamite in the sack if you work on it together.
Does size matter? Tell us what you think below.
Discover the best sex positions for women
What's killing your sex drive?
