Well? Do we take our blokes for granted? Dead right we do! As a matter of course our partners are expected to put up with a vast array of nasties that you'd never ask of anyone else. They see us frizzy haired and bleary eyed first thing every morning, they go through PMS with us (which often includes weeping about being fat, ugly and useless for at least 24 hours every month), they deal uncomplainingly with our family our friends. And all that is just part and parcel of having a relationship. Isn't it? Er... sort of.

Of course, it stands to reason that if you live with someone, you open up and lean on each other. But how much are you leaning on him? And are you a) grateful for all the help he gives you in life, or do you b) just expect all that help? Think hard. Be honest. It's important, because a) is good and b) is not.

"I see a lot of women who don't realise that they are taking a bloke for granted," says Denise Knowles, Relate counsellor. "What's needed is for the woman to take stock. She needs to think about all the things her partner does for her. Little things count as well as big things. And she needs to think how she'd feel if her partner wasn't around. Because if you take him for granted too much, he might not be around for as long as you think."

Scary, eh? And Christine Northam, also a Relate counsellor who comes across women taking men for granted, points out that men may not always be as vocal as women about their grievances. "Although it's the responsibility of you both to make sure neither of you is taken for granted, the woman is often the dominant one who speaks up, while the man may not air his grievances," ... until it's too late.

Christine's advice is to try to be aware of whether you're being fair or not. Reflect and be considerate. Stuck for ideas on ways to go about that? Here are some bloke's tips on how to keep a male feeling appreciated...

Give him your time
Jack: "It's bloody awful when a woman answers the phone while you're in the middle of having a conversation with her and then proceeds to spend half an hour counselling a friend. Aren't I a friend too? And I know kids need their mum, but men need their women, too. So it's nice to hear a woman saying, 'Go and play, darling. I'm talking to Daddy at the moment.' Music to my ears!"

Don't unload on him as soon as he gets in the door
John: "I don't want to know about the nasty woman at the checkout or how you stubbed your toe - even if the nail did fall off - until I've had a nice welcome and am beginning to relax. Otherwise I feel like I'm just a verbal punchbag"

Spare a thought for the growing number of stay-at-home dads
David: "I looked after my daughter for years while my wife went out to work, and it turned me into a resentful house-husband - I felt so unappreciated! She never understood how tired I was. Role reversal requires special attention to the male ego if it's going to work. A bit of respect would have worked wonders."

Make time for sex
Alex: "I know you go through phases when you do make love and phases when you don't, but you can guarantee that whether you're doing it or not, he's thinking about it. Nothing makes me feel more appreciated than a good session in the bedroom. And before I'm damned as a male monster, let it be said that a close second to a bonk is a day out together. When we prioritise our time so that we have a whole day just to be together that makes me feel I'm important to her. Funnily enough, it makes me fancy her more, too."

And finally, just remember:
You don't have to go around walking on eggshells with your partner - smiling when you're miserable, never having a go at him and never farting in front of him again (what misery!), but you do need to find a healthy amount of consideration and appreciation for him. So tell him if you think he's kind to you when you've got nightmare PMS, and tell him how brilliant you think he is with your crotchety old mum. And don't just tell him the once, keep on telling him - that way you'll help look after his sensitive soul and have him fixing the fuses without feeling used. Result.

Do you take your partner for granted sometimes? Tell us below.

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