Sex: The ultimate guide in no-go territory

Check out our top 10 no-go 'sexploits' and put an end to regretting those rash, relationship decisions

Couple
Are you playing by the rules?Never have sex with your ex
The first rule when it comes to you and sex, according to sexologist and author Yvonne Fulbright in her new book 'Sex With Your Ex… And 69 other things you should never do again' (Adams Media), is to do exactly what the title says. Don't allow yourself to get back in the sack with a past love. As Yvonne says: 'You're playing with fire on too many levels. There is a reason - probably several! - that this person is your ex. Physical intimacy will bring back feelings you think you've buried, which might confuse you and cause you to make decisions you might later regret.'

Never reveal your real number of sexual partners
There really isn't an upside to sharing this kind of information – no matter how much you might be in love with a man, or how long you've been with him. 'Some people figure that if they know the number, they can play psychic, predicting their partner's STD status and chances of being faithful' says Yvonne. Sharing numbers can trigger unwarranted judgment, jealousy, and speculation, mounting you on a sexual crucifix of sorts based on what kind of lover you might make.

Never let a man keep photos of you naked
Quite obvious, really, this one. Break his heart and he'll break stories of your sexual antics on a dodgy internet site with aforementioned naked pictures. Or will stupidly leave hard copies in easy-access-to-friends places like his living room mantlepiece, office desk, or as a screen saver on his mobile. 'No matter how fun it is to take a hot sexy picture of yourself, one day someone will find it,' says Yvonne. 'And don't ever email a picture of your naked self, no matter how hot you want to make someone. A digital photo transmitted by email will end up in the wrong hands – likely several million of them.'

Never show up on his doorstep after a night of drinking
'No matter how empowered or how hot you feel when you've got a buzz going, know that that's only how you see it. Your unsuspecting past fling, or even current partner might see a side to you he really wasn't expecting (Stripperella, anybody? The girl who passed out during oral sex?) And on an emotional level, 'if you ever want a night to remember (which will inevitably, become the night you long to forget), all you need is some booze, some of your best male-bashing girlfriends and a bone to pick with your former Romeo to get yourself in to a lot of trouble,' claims Yvonne.

Never ask if it's in yet
I know women who've done this, and there's really no other faster route to telling a guy he has a microscopic germ of a penis without stating point blank that he has. Because if he is 'in' and you can't feel it (remember most guys like to think of their penises are colossal in size, that's why they give them names like 'Rocket' 'Big Boy' and 'King Kong') this is the ultimate insult. 'Even if you have no issues with penis size, asking if it's in would suggest to him that he doesn't know what he's doing or where it's supposed to go,' says Yvonne. 'Nothing brings the curtain down on your prospects for a good time faster than this sort of emasculating question. With a loin longing to feel him, any sexual frustration you were experiencing before you said this dumb thing is going to be heightened because there will be no magic left in his wand.'

Never believe him when he says 'don't worry I'll pull out'
Oh, to be a fly on the wall every time a man said this to a woman before becoming her - unwanted – 'baby father'. How many women have heard this one before? If he doesn't like condom's or doesn't have a condom, but is going to die of blue balls, chances are, you've heard of this I wanna-get-wit-choo line, claims Yvonne. 'More officially known as the withdrawal method, pulling out before his Mount of St Helens erupts is the oldest form of birth control around. Yet despite having had a long enough time to practice, the male species is far from having perfected pulling out, especially when you add alcohol, fatigue or pure sexual excitement to the mix. It's a battle with Mother Nature that he's not meant to win.' Accidents happen, and besides getting unexpectedly pregnant, no condom means you're putting yourself at risk from a whole slew of STDS, so don't let him talk you in to it.

You can harp on about the way your vibrator can make you climax in 20 seconds flat to your girlfriends but to a man, this spells competitionNever tell him how much you love your vibrator
You can harp on about the way your vibrator can make you climax in 20 seconds flat to your girlfriends but to a man, this spells competition and pressure. Men are often intimated by vibrators as it makes them feel insecure about their own ability to pleasure you. Of course a piece of battery operated plastic has nothing on the intimacy of making love with a real person, but many men have trouble buying that. 'After all, many guys are gadget freaks, and their logic is that if it's technology that offers power and speed, it must be better,' says Yvonne.

Never talk about the things your previous lovers did in bed
'For the most part, people hate hearing about their partner's former lovers. What they despise even more is hearting about intimate, skin-on-skin moments with those lovers,' explains Yvonne. 'Even if your ex deserves to be world renowned as the Muhammad Ali of rear entry, cunnilingus, or tantric sex, don't mention it to your current date, crush or partner.' Blabbing about your previous sexploits will make him hyperaware of whether or not his bedroom moves are better than your former lover's. And you've heard what performance anxiety can do to an errection, right?

Never divulge all your fantasies
In the case of fantasies, it's hotter if you keep a few to yourself. Your partner may not like what he hears or feel threatened by your vixenish visions. Acting out your fantasies can be a healthy way to stretch your boundaries and explore each other. Just be conscious that overindulging in fantasy can sometimes take over – and then your man can only get turned on if you wear heels and rub them all over his face.

Never give road head in a moving vehicle
Giving your man oral sex while he's driving is certainly on the top ten list of risky fun. 'But having to explain to the police or your parents that you and your lover got in to a car accident because of road head is why this is so never,' claims Yvonne. 'And that's not even considering a worst case scenario of injury or death. Just think of the headlines: 'Couple Die from Careless Car Sex'. So if you're all sexually charged, save yourself a big headache by adhering to this oral pleasuring road rule: Pull over.'

Adapted and Extracted from 'Sex With Your Ex… and 69 other things you should never do' By Yvonne Fulbright (Adams Media). Available at Amazon.co.uk from £5.92

Published: 17 April 2007

Printable version

Forward to a friend

see all... | dating | sex problem

Join a forum discussion

Share this?: del.icio.us; digg; newsvine; furl; reddit; now public

Comments

(8)

1		Wow, I had never thought about the chances of naked photos showing up somewhere unexpected. I thought the photo mention in your article was a real eye opener and I posted it on my <a href="http://timothymccorkell.journalspace.com/">Kiss You All Over blog.</a> Posted by timmack November 29, 2007 06:07 AM Report comment
2		give me sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Anonymous April 09, 2008 09:11 PM Report comment
3		give me sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Anonymous April 09, 2008 09:11 PM Report comment
4		give me sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Anonymous April 09, 2008 09:11 PM Report comment
5		give me sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Anonymous April 09, 2008 09:11 PM Report comment
6		Very useful tips for relationships. Starpsyhic Starpsychic.net Anonymous April 25, 2008 06:09 AM Report comment
7		Very useful tips for relationships. Starpsyhic Starpsychic.net Anonymous April 25, 2008 06:10 AM Report comment
8		'microscopic germ of a penis' this article is so true and so funny! Anonymous July 11, 2008 02:29 AM Report comment