Food, some might say, is as pleasurable as sex. And like a lot of the things we enjoy doing, it can also be as guilt-ridden. You know you want it, but should you really be having it? For many women, their relationship with food can be fraught with tension and self-reproach, resulting in unhealthy emotional and physical consequences, like starvation and bingeing, or even eating disorders.

Western society equates beauty and success with being thin. It is difficult to escape the media depiction of skinny high-achievers who appear to stay effortlessly trim, while boasting their love for chocolate (yet they're more likely surviving on miso soup.) Nobody wants to admit that, unless you've got a super-high metabolism, staying 'effortlessly thin' is extremely hard work! Without three hours a day spare for personal training, and your own chef, it's not a realistic goal.

Nevertheless, we often believe there is a stick-insect in all of us crying to get out – if only we didn't keep messing up by actually eating our dinner, or that extra slice of cake! Considering that food is essential for our survival (as is sex, for that matter), it seems bizarre that it has become something that we both love and hate at the same time.

So why is this? An unhealthy focus on the importance of weight and body image doesn't help - 'Wouldn't life be great if only I dropped a dress size?!' According to Joanna Hall, a leading fitness and health expert, controlling food in order to control our appearance, rather than adopting a healthier attitude to it, can lead to the development of eating disorders.

Being surrounded by beanpole models in magazines with their size 8 jeans almost hanging off, it's not difficult to imagine why the average woman could feel dissatisfied with her figure. Though media images don't actually cause eating disorders, they do lead to stress and anxiety about weight. This anxiety, according to one US study, can lead to strict dieting, which may provide the hook into problematic eating behaviours.

So how do we conquer the negative relationships we have with food, and cultivate healthier ones?

Ditching the fad diet is crucial. Joanna Hall says, 'Quick-fix diets don't work, and people who keep going on them fail time and again, creating a downward spiral of negative feelings such as guilt.' And guilt, of course, is a destructive emotion that leads to harmful ways of managing food intake, such as the binge-starve cycle.

'It's important to develop a long-term nurturing and caring relationship with our body – to see it as a gift worth investing in,' says Joanna. This means looking after ourselves by ensuring a healthy diet and the right amount of exercise, rather than having unrealistic aims or overly restrictive eating regimes.

Instead of trying to achieve extremes and feeling like a failure if you can't, be happy with your body at a comfortable, healthy weight, which experts believe is more accurately indicated by body mass index rather than the number on the scales.

Food isn't the enemy, and breaking the 'diet trap' is important to rid ourselves of the love-hate struggle with it. Instead of calorie-counting or excessive carb restriction, eat when you are hungry and learn to enjoy healthy, nourishing foods such as fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, pulses and nuts, as opposed to refined and processed types like pastries and ready meals, without obsessing over every morsel.

And if you have the occasional blow-out, so what? Tomorrow is another day. When you have a balanced diet, a positive relationship with food, and you are keeping yourself fit with appropriate exercise, your body can afford an 'unhealthy' lapse without it becoming a crisis. Don't let guilt take hold!