I've got you under my skin (but I will get you out)

By Sian Claire Owen

Since the dawn of time man has felt the urge to doodle on his skin with indelible ink. Tribal decorations, symbols for protection - you name it, there's an inky pattern for it. Whilst in the olden days tattoos were associated with battle and religion, now fashion tats are the soup du jour. But what about when you want to get rid?

Tattoo removal is one of the largest growing areas in the cosmetic industry. Until around 20 years ago tattoos were the reserve of sailors, soldiers and dreadlocked hippies. Now it's as normal to have a small fashion tattoo as it is to have breakfast. But the problem is the ink is built to last. Injected into the deepest layers of your skin, it is ridiculously difficult to get out. So what are your options?

Laser eraser or long jumpers for life?

Other than wearing long sleeves for life, the obvious option is laser tattoo removal. Ah yes, laser removal, when a bright hot laser beam that could split atoms is aimed at your fragile skin. Can't remove the ink? We'll burn the bugger off!

The only problem with laser treatment, apart from the cost and pain, is that it takes several zapping sessions over a long period of time, and it will leave you scarred for life. If you have barbed wire inked around your neck and forehead this might not be the best idea, unless Frankenstein Chic hits the High Street. Which it won't.

Light at the end of the tattooed tunnel

Fortunately there is one other option, non-laser tattoo removal. This new technique involves injecting a special cream into the tattoo that (in theory) tricks your body into breaking down the indelible ink. Your tattoo turns into an inky scab and eventually peels off. This magical method was developed by the Oxford Skin Clinics Company, and is causing waves across the tattoo removal industry.

This seems too good to be true, so it was our duty at Handbag.com to check it out. And having an unwanted tattoo on the top of my left arm, it was the perfect opportunity to see if this technique lives up to the hype. After all, a non-invasive procedure that doesn't involve James Bond laser beams should be okay, right?

We make your body work so you don't have to!

I met with Stuart Harrison, Director of Oxford Skin Clinics, who gave me the low-down on how it works and talked me through my many questions: Is it safe? How exactly does it work? Will I be left with a ghastly scar? Is it expensive? Will my skin be as smooth as a baby's bottom?

"This method gently allows your body to get rid of the ink," he explained. "It sends a message to your body, letting it know there is something there that shouldn't be and it triggers an immune response. The ink will then be pushed to the skin surface and form a scab, which will drop off naturally."

So far, so simple. But what about scarring? "With any form of tattoo removal there is always the chance of scarring," says Harrison. "For example, those with darker skin are more likely to get keloid scars. But we offer full aftercare advice to minimize the risk."

This involves keeping the scar dry and not picking at it. And vitamin E creams are also excellent at helping your skin to heal. "Ultimately, with non-laser tattoo removal we don't do the work, your body does. We just kick-start the process," he says. So kick-start the process we did. In his London clinic (which was at the back of a Richmond pharmacist) he disinfected my arm, loaded the gunk into the needle and got to work. It was exactly like having a tattoo, but backwards. And it was over in minutes.

The one frustration was that, like laser removal, this technique takes time. You need at least two months between treatments, and depending on the size of your tat it can only really be done in small sections. So full removal is a real commitment, time-wise. I chose to have only small parts of my inking removed, to see whether I would scar or not. Plus if I changed my mind there would be minimal damage.

Enter the waiting game

So with my creamy arm I went home to wait for the scab to form and my tattoo to drop off. And I waited, and waited. It took three weeks for the inky crusts to dry out and peel away. Three weeks of not washing the top of my arm (you have to keep the scabs dry - which is a pain in the arse if you have a tattoo on, well, your arse). Other than that there were no problems. No itching, no swelling, no pain. But when the crust fell off there was no difference either. It was like getting a pet satsuma for Christmas.

The ink had faded a lot, but was still there, along with small red scars tinged with blue blotches. My tattoo is now a fish without an eye and a squiggle without an end.

But to be fair, as Harrison explained, tattoo removal isn't an exact science, and should I decide to go for further treatment then it probably would make a difference. Non-laser tattoo removal is a lot less expensive than laser treatment so I never felt ripped off. And the staff were informative, helpful and were always realistic about the outcome.

Some people may scar whilst others won't. Some people's bodies will reject the ink, whilst others (mine) will cling onto it for dear life. It depends on your immune system, on how deep the ink is, how old the tattoo is... the list goes on. But I am impatient and I don't want to wait a year for the tattoo to go, and I don't want to be left with a scar. I realized that I'm going to have to love the skin I'm in. Tattoos, warts and all. Bring on the jumpers...

Pricing is based on per square of ink, starting at £88.00 for the first square inch and reducing by £5.00 each subsequent treatment. For further information, visit the Oxford Skin Clinics website www.oxfordskinclinics.co.uk