I used to, and still do to an extent, suffer from bulimia. Although I didn't make myself throw up, it was more of a binge one day, starve the next pattern.
It started when I was at school; I got bullied a lot because I was one of the smart, yet quiet ones. There was a chocolate machine at school, and I used to eat about five bars a day. I would say it was due to boredom as well, in a way.
Things took a turn for the worse when I moved away from home. I started eating lots of takeaway pizzas and bingeing on sweets. Then I would feel guilty and starve myself for a couple of days. This went on for about four years.
In 2001 I was involved in a car crash, after which I became crippled for two months. I became depressed and began bingeing on chocolate and takeaways again. Due to the lack of exercise, my weight increased quite a bit, making me even more depressed.
This was also around the time I realised I wasn't happy in my relationship, which I had been in for nine months at the time. After the crash I became needy and didn't have the strength to break up with my ex, who was making my life hell. I had a lot of anger in me, and this loser was not doing anything for my confidence. I used to cry on my bed, wondering if I could ever get out, and that there must be more to life than this, someone nice out there for me.
I sought help from a psychologist, who used the humanistic approach (which views the person as a whole and is generally quite fluffy compared to the psychodynamic approach). She helped me get over my paranoia (I thought everyone was criticising me on the bus/train etc) and did wonders for my confidence. It was the first stepping stone to sorting out my eating problems.
I don't think anyone ever fully recovers from an eating disorder, but once I left my relationship and moved back in with my mother I started to improve. I am able to eat more sensibly now that my stress is minimal. I still have the occassional binge, which I punish myself for afterwards, but I am getting better.
I am more likely to go for foods which are healthier, but I can't seem to get out of the binge/starve pattern that has been plaguing me for a while now. I am now studying psychology, so one day hope to be able to help myself and others to lead a better life post-bulimia.
