From temporary conditions to gynaecological disorders, check out the five most common causes of dyspareunia, the official medical term for painful sex:
Lack of arousal
If you're not in the mood for sex your vagina remains tight and dry – not the best conditions for his penis. The most important thing to do, even if often the hardest, is relax. Try taking a bath, or get turned on by talking to your man and sharing a fantasy or two.
Help nature take its moist course with some lubrication. As well as the famous jelly, KY now makes a nice liquid. If you fancy a change try Zestra, a new sexual arousal oil clinically proven to make sex more pleasurable and satisfying.
Sometimes the problem isn't just all in your mind; medication such as anti-depressants can reduce your libido and/or dry you.
Childbirth
Pain is most common after the first or second child, whether a natural birth or by caesarean. "A painful childbirth can scar both mentally and physically," says Denise Knowles, a sex therapist for Relate. "A woman may also feel her vagina is stretched, making her feel unsexy, while nerve damage would mean that she doesn't enjoy the same sensations she used to during intercourse." Try taking sex slowly, using a lubricant. Studies show that most pain disappears within a year.
Vaginismus
Vaginismus is an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles, which makes penetration difficult, painful, or in serious cases, impossible. Arousal is still possible, however. More often that not, when the attempt to put something inside you has ended, the muscles relax back to normal. While the causes aren't fully understood, it is generally thought to be a psychological condition linked to traumatic sexual experiences such as abuse or rape, or a difficult smear.
"Any trauma related to the genitals can have a deep psychological impact. Being able to understand that can go some way to changing your mindset around," says Denise Knowles. "To begin to overcome the problem you need a kind and patient partner. Self-pleasuring might also help as you'll learn exactly what turns you on."
Whether you think your problem is physical or psychological, get it checked out. If there's no medical reason, your GP can refer you to a specialist.
Vulvar vestibulitis
Typical symptoms include burning, stinging and aching. The pain is usually constant and can last for years. Statistically most likely to afflict women in their forties or older, the condition can be cured by drugs that alter the way nerve endings send impulses to the spinal chord. For more information, visit the Vulval Pain Society online at www.vulvalpainsociety.org.
Vaginal infection
Several infections such as thrush, chlamydia and herpes can make sex hurt. The most common, thrush, can be treated with creams and pessaries from a chemist, but if it doesn't clear, go to your doctor. Chlamydia is an STD (sexually transmitted bacterial disease) which can cause pain, even bleeding, during sex. Treat with antibiotics prescribed by your GP; the sooner the better. Avoid STDs by getting him to wear a condom.
Sex should be all about pleasure, not pain. If you have recurring problems, see your doctor, or go to a GUM (genito-urinary medicine) clinic, which you can visit without referral. You can search for your nearest clinic here.
