Why I hate the January sales (but will probably still turn up anyway)...
I have never been a fan of the January sales. At 4:30am on Boxing Day, I expect to be in a cheese board induced coma, only to be roused by the smell of turkey korma floating up the stairs. I have never proudly stood in the queue at the Next sale, informing the woman in the tent ‘well I did consider sleeping over…. But I’ve just put my clothes on top of my pyjamas so I can go straight back to bed when I get in’ No, I have really never been that sneaky.
Until this year, I have hated the sales with a passion. As far as I was concerned, if something has a reduced label it’s either swiftly going out of fashion, has an arm missing, or is the classic ‘yes, it’s five sizes too small, but I’m doing Weight Watchers this year’ item.
Let’s be honest. Is a bargain really a bargain if you never, ever use it?! No. I would rather pay full price and use the pay per wear ratio. You end up feeling like the shop actually owes you money, and you didn’t have to carry the item home in a bag emblazoned with the words ‘HELLO I CAN’T AFFORD FULL PRICE CLOTHES’ (‘SALE’ to the people unoffended by, erm, sales).
This has been my attitude towards reduced retail for many years. But 2011/12 has ambushed me with a whole new generation of the humble sale.
Only the other day, I was handed my carrier bag by the lady at the YSL counter in John Lewis. She discreetly passed me £3.65 in change and whispered ‘there’s 15% off today’, nodding at the strategically placed ‘why don’t you treat yourself’ sign.
Exactly, YSL at John Lewis. Why don’t I? That £3.65 I’ve just saved would go nicely towards another little treat for me….. which also has money off it. I am spending and saving at the same time AND I’m getting normal carrier bags to take my purchases home in. I couldn’t ask for more.
Since my Eureka moment, I’ve half expected all sales assistants to casually inform me of the saving I’ve made just by making a purchase. In fact, I’m mildly offended if they don’t. I WANT to save money.
Rumour has it that this year, the January sales will be impressive. High Street stores are slashing the cost of things which they haven’t just dragged out of their stock rooms and thrown at the shelves. But does this mean more and more people will be zipping their anoraks up over their pyjamas? Do I actually have to rouse myself from my festive slumber to join the queues of mentalists shouting ‘THEY’VE GOT AN 8 OR AN 18 DAWN. ARE YOU GOING ON A DIET OR NOT?’
Put this little selection of investment pieces in the sale and I’ll consider setting my alarm…..
I still have a (mild) crush on Pippa Middleton, and I don’t think my life is quite complete without her Modula Pippa Bag. Cut the price by even 10% and I’m all over it. I’ll even use the change to buy the matching purse.
Pippa bag, £195, Modalu
Secondly, I want an IPad. I genuinely have no idea why, but I think it could have something to do with this case. Any reductions on either would probably mean I needed them. I will even buy the case in the vain hope I just acquire the IPad.
Marc Jacobs quilted iPad case, £350, Selfridges
Finally…… If anything would send me shopping in my slippers, it’s this. every time I look at it, I want it a little bit more. Put it in the sale and I’m there. I’ll camp overnight, I’ll shop in my pyjamas, hell, I’ll even miss turkey korma for breakfast….. Just please, make this clutch mine. It’s so small, I could keep my last remaining shred of dignity safe inside it.
Alexander McQueen Union Jack clutch, £965, Selfridges
January Sales 2012. I’ll see you on Boxing Day.
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