Hold on to your stomachs! The bartender's guide to semen cocktails has arrived

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Anyone sperm mojito? Yes? Read on...

Semen cocktail book
This is not a joke. This really is a cocktail book telling people what spirits and mixers to use to 'enhance the delicate flavours of semen.'

Thrown up in your hand yet?

From semen advocate Paul 'Fotie' Photenhauer, Semenology: The Semen Bartender's Handbook will show budding semen mixologists how to make a Galliano Cum Shot, a Macho Mojito and a Watermelon Gin Jizz (heave).

Sentences such as, 'Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic', advice on how to make your semen taste better and store it appropriately (in the freezer apparently. Interesting) will have you ralphing in no time.

'For me, it's more of a fun twist to add to food, or in this case a drink. It adds a definite personal twist to it,' explained Photenhauer in an interview with SF Weekly.

Semen cocktail book

© Semenology: The Semen Bartender's Handbook

So that's some mint, rum, lime, a teaspoon of fresh sperm...



'If you want your partner to swallow, you should be willing to eat your own semen - I mean, it's your semen.

'Then I started thinking about it. People eat all kinds of weird sh*t. Eggs are the menstruation of chickens. Milk is the mammary excretion from cows. Semen is... at least it's fresh and you know who the producer is.'

Again, heave.

Despite the book jacket stating, 'Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters,' Photenhauer does acknowledge the health risks as HIV, herpes and other STDs can be transmitted though ingesting sperm, the same as having oral sex.

'I would never eat or drink semen, cooked or otherwise, from someone I wouldn't be willing to have sex with,' he explains. Good to know.

He also added, 'I'm against [people saying], 'Oh, I put semen in their margarita and they didn't know about it. That's wrong. That's gross and that's wrong.' Even so, we probably won't be coming round for drinks anytime soon.

Thoughts? We know you are having many right now…

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