In part two of our relationship detox plan, love guru and life coach Jenni Trent from eHarmony.co.uk looks at how your past relationships could be affecting your future ones (and there's a love quiz! Fun!)
Over to you love Jenni…
'We may not always realise it but many of us bring past love grievances and patterns into our new relationships.
Recognise those feeling of guilt, jealousy, anger or blame that accompany memories of the bad old days? It is important when starting afresh not to banish the thoughts of what went before but look at them objectively and learn from them.
Think about where and how it went wrong and recognise the negative patterns, to lessen the chance of the same issues surfacing with a new partner.
Begin today by asking yourself these three questions and be honest with your answers. Then take a look at the key provided to reveal my advice...
Question 1: When your past relationships ended, whose fault was it:
a) Always theirs
b) Usually theirs
c) Sometimes me, sometimes them
d) Always me
e) Neither, it's not anyone's fault, we just weren't compatible
Question 2: When someone does something to you that you don't like, are you more inclined to think:
a) This person isn't a nice person at all
b) This person just doesn't know any better
c) Either way it doesn't matter, it just isn't acceptable behaviour and I won't tolerate it
Question 3: Do you feel it is possible for someone to change their basic character:
a) No, you are who you are
b) Yes, but only if you want to
c) It's usually the other person's actions that need to change, not their character
d) A combination of the above
Question 1: The truth is that the answers are not important. The best thing you can do to move on positively after a relationship is not to play the blame game. Blame is not a positive action. Remember, learn from the experience so you know how to create a better relationship next time around.
Question 2: All three answers are relevant. It is possible that they're basically not a very nice person in which case the wise choice would be to just step away. Yes it is possible they just don't know what is wrong with what they are doing. If that is the case, you can draw their attention to it but they must change/correct it of their own free will. If that doesn't seem possible or likely then big decisions need to be made about the future of the relationship.
Question 3: It is possible for people to change behavioural patterns but it has to be their choice and their decision as they are the one who will have to make the plan and follow the actions. Sometimes it is also possible for you to change how you feel about a person's behaviour. However be very careful that you aren't just telling yourself that something is ok when deep down inside it isn't.'
See what you missed in Step 1: Identifying a partner
Do you play the blame game? Leave a comment below to be in with a chance of winning a £100 goodie bag
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