Being unfaithful requires a lot of energy and attention to detail. The lying alone is an exhausting business that requires an excellent memory. The pressure of leading a double life inevitably leads to loose ends, little clues that pile up into evidence of odd behaviour. Guilt makes people act in strange ways. Some men secretly want to get caught because they haven't got the guts to admit that they are playing away. If you suspect your man is being unfaithful, here are a few things to look out for. Taken individually each could be perfectly innocent; cumulatively they are some of the danger signs...
1. He starts cutting his toenails at odd times
If his personal hygiene/grooming improves overnight, chances are it is not you he is trying to impress. He stops rolling out of bed and pulling on last night's clothes and starts shaving, showering and dressing nicely. If he insists on showering before coming to bed, worry.
2. He takes a sudden interest in fashion
One day he thinks Prada is an East European car, the next he knows his Blahniks from his Choos. A trendy haircut and a whole new wardrobe can be signs that he is going after a younger - or just new - woman.
3. He dresses up to go out with the lads...
...or to the gym, or the office on a Saturday, whereas he used to throw on whatever clothes were nearby. He starts wearing a particular outfit or item of clothing at particular times. It often turns out to be a present from his mistress or one of her favourites. His new-found interest in his appearance doesn't extend itself to going out with you.
4. He is vague about where he's been and with whom
He is always out with 'the boys', 'people from work' or 'the usual crowd'. They always end up in some late-night bar/pub/club in the East/West End and he can never remember the name of it. Detailed excuses are difficult to manage.
5. He is secretive with his mobile and/or email
He always seems to be closing down windows on his PC whenever you enter the room. His mobile suddenly requires a PIN and he gets his bills de-itemised. If you discover that he has a second phone, beware. If it were from work, surely he would have mentioned it?
6. He is restless and distant in your company
His mind seems to be elsewhere and his body language and/or behaviour tell you he'd like the rest of him to be with it. He rarely wants to go out and do things with you, but he is bored and restless at home.
7. He resists intimacy and affection
When you reach for his hand he withdraws it at the first opportunity. The odd cuddle becomes the very odd cuddle, usually initiated by you. He doesn't want to talk, let alone touch, and it seems ages since you had a decent conversation about anything.
8. His libido takes a hike
His guilt can wreak havoc with your sex life. He puts his lack of interest in sex down to being too tired, stressed, overworked, depressed, whatever. And no, he doesn't want to talk about it. When you do try to make love it is distant and perfunctory or unsuccessful.
9. His old hand learns new tricks
It is disturbing when your partner of several years suddenly touches you in a different way or practises a new sexual technique. You have to ask yourself where he learnt to do it.
10. He is defensive about everything
If you remark that he has been working late a lot, he launches into a lengthy diatribe on how hard he works and how little you appreciate it. If you ask where he went out, he wants to know why you are so possessive/paranoid/insecure.
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