Slimming to win: why is weight loss our ultimate goal?

While many of us have great jobs, happy relationships and fulfilling lives, why do we still feel it's not enough unless we're thin?

"If only I were thin..." then what? You'd find a man? You'd get a great job? Why is it that we're so convinced that a slender bod is the route to happiness and the beginning of the rest of our lives?

"Within the media and celebrities that we see, we are bombarded by images that equate thin with success. There are very few women in the public eye who are successful and are overweight," says Sophie Boss, a psychotherapist who, with her sister Audrey, runs workshops for women who are fed up with their relationship with food.

The workshops aim to help women break the dieting cycle and settle at a weight right for them. The two sisters have co-authored a book Beyond Chocolate (Piatkus), that explores these issues. About eight years ago, Sophie was overweight and though she was content with the majority of her life, she says she felt a constant failure because she couldn't be thin.

Why does it matter so much to us? Sophie explains: "Part of the problem is that many of the things we consider as equalling success, like being in a good relationship or having a great career, are really hard to achieve; going on a diet seems like the answer, thin is sold to us as the solution to being successful."

Chances are most women reading this will have considered how their life could turn around if only they shed a few pounds, and for some, having to deal with other people's prejudices only exacerbates the idea that they cannot be overweight and successful.

Diane Kutz is a life coach and a size 20/22 at 5ft 5in. She says she has experienced discrimination in her career because of her weight. "I met a friend through my ex-husband and we spoke about work that she was interested in me doing. I did a proposal but did not get the work. When I split up with my husband he admitted that it was because of the way that I looked that this person did not think I would do a good job."

Some women feel that their work demands a slim physique. Nicola Cairncross is a wealth and success coach and has lost over four stone since Christmas, wanting to lose five more.

"I didn't want people to look at me as a wealth coach and think, 'I want to be financially independent or wealthy, but not if it means I have to get fat' or 'What's the point of becoming wealthy if you are fat?' If you are overweight you are perceived as out of control, and to be honest, I was."

It's easy to see Nicola's viewpoint when Sophie explains that wealthy people we see in the media can afford to make it their job to look good and be slim. Money brings access to better food, personal chefs and trainers. It's not the same for the working single mum with a home to keep and family to feed.

"We equate slimness with success because it is the wealthy who can manage it," says Sophie. But, she adds, "What is success anyway? What is happiness? Just because someone is thin and beautiful does not make them happy and content."

So how do we rid ourselves of these unhealthy attitudes? Sophie's advice is: "Learning to have a healthy relationship with food and being fit rather than concentrating on weght is the key. Remember that success is not in a body image."

For more information on the Beyond Chocolate workshops visit www.beyondchocolate.co.uk

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