Move over Edward Cullen, bye bye Bella Swan – this year we are all about the flesh eating zombie films. And we couldn't be happier about the whole thing.
Zombie films are not just for adolescent (or middle aged) boys, shut-ins who play computer games and live off a diet of Wotsits. Self respecting women everywhere love zombie films. Why? Because they freakin' rule man.
WARNING: Awesome but graphic zombie content below
1. No feelings, just brains
There's none of this 'I love you, but I'm worried I'll hurt you' malarky with a zombie film (the exception to the rule – Warm Bodies.) People = food. And that's the end of the matter. It's more about us versus them, rather than trying to make them love us and live happily ever after. Bore-ing.
2. There's always Martial Law
Do you ever see the military take over in a vampire film? No. Because they have better things to do. Zombie films are apocalyptic. Those flesh-eaters are going to destroy everything and fast. Time for big guns, epic 'save the world' lines, high fives and crass global stereotypes.
3. Zombies don't take themselves too seriously
Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead, Warm Bodies – zombies are hilarious
3. It's a numbers game
The tsunami of zombies in World War Z – amazing. There's so many of them, they come in waves. Wouldn't happen with vampires – they have no friends.
4. So gross
Vampires bite your neck, there's a bit of eye fluttering and some wincing – but that's it really. Zombie films are gore fests. Body parts being flung, people's faces falling off, military weapons being fired (see point two). We support that in a film.
5. Power tools
What kills vampires? Wooden stakes and sunlight. What kills zombies? Chainsaws, lawn movers and power tools (watch Dead Alive for proof).
6. Conspiracy theory
Vampires are other-worldly, been around since time began type of guys. Zombies are born out of some colossal mess-up at a science lab where a deadly disease escapes on a chimp or in the cleaner's handbag.
Remember how much hand sanitiser you used after seeing Contagion? Zombie films are just the next step – meaning it could totally happen in our lifetime. Maybe.
7. Zombie Nazis
Vampires have no political allegiance (considering how long they've been on the planet – you'd think they'd have an opinion on the matter). Which makes zombie films even scarier.
8. Vampires are rubbish.
End of discussion.
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