Festivals are expensive things – us poor lowly folks have to watch the pennies and see if we can claw back the cash somewhere.
Naughty? Yes. Necessary? You betcha.
10 ways to smuggle wine into a festival
1. Crotch wine
Buy a box of wine. Take out the wine bladder (as it is affectionately known) – stuff it down your jeans. Also allows for hilarity later on when you stick the nozzle out your fly to pour people drinks.
2. Drunk wellies
People don't wear those silly patterned wellies at festivals to look cool – they do it to distract from the hip flasks and miniatures they have stuffed down there.
We don't mean in your actual backpack – that would be too obvious. We mean duct tape your hip flask or some stubbies to your back. Oversized clothing or a big coat are essential.
4. Bye bye pockets
Wear an old jacket to keep you warm. Cut holes in the pockets and drop miniatures into the lining of your coat. Genius.
5. Bra booze
Finally wearing bras pays off. Hello hipflask smuggling device.
6. Pringles tube of glory
Step one, eat Pringles. Step two, fill empty Pringles can with bottles of booze. Then pop it in your bag and go in all calm like 'these are just my snacks, man.'
7. Sun cream bottle
Thoroughly wash out (and we mean thoroughly) an empty bottle of sun cream. Refill with your booze of choice.
8. Pregnant belly
Strap a camelbak to your stomach and pretend you are with child. Overacting and waddling optional.
9. Stealth hipflask
Nowadays you can get hipflasks that look like just about anything (except a hipflask). Binoculars, canes, lipsticks, or this mobile phone.
10. Not-so-healthy fruit
Two words: drunk fruit. Inject oranges with rum. Desperate times call for hammered oranges.
Don't judge us. Hic.
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