A month ago one of my best friends of seven years passed away very suddenly, i was with him saturday then sunday he slipped into a diabetic coma whilst home alone and never recovered it was a real shock - he was only seventeen and honestly that kind of thing never even occured to me as being possible :/ I moved sixth form at the beginning of this year and i've been really struggling this past month with feeling very alone. Not many people at my current school know what happened and very few have noticed a change, partially because i'm not particularly extroverted with my emotions and partially because i attend a boys school and teenage boys arent exactly known for their observations of emotions or their sensitivity!
Basically I feel very alone for most of the time i try to act normal and not re-engage myself in every day life but this whole experience has really affected me - instead of being set on living my life to the full having seen how unexpectedly short it can be like some of my friends im so afraid of it happening to anyone else and it's given me a very decisive 'what does it matter??' attitude to any other teenage scenario. I miss him terribly and see him everywhere and i'm sorry for writing a whole paragraph but i genuinly have no one to talk to my new friends have never experienced anything like this so naturally dont really know what to say and prefer not to talk about it if i try to bring it up - understandably, its not the kind of thing i can talk to my family about at all we've never had any conversations like that and its too difficult for me - im very close to my old friends but different schools and exams mean oppurtunities to talk are few and i dont want to risk upsetting them by bringing it up...
Does anyone know if this pessimistic stage passes? honestly it just doesnt feel like i'll ever go back to being a 'normal' again at risk of sounding very dramatic there
lol its just hard to relate to people at the moment, i think ive really isolated myself....
