.

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Even now, when you're desperate to end it, you can't think of a way to do it because he has so many issues that every choice has reasons why it wouldn't suit HIM! Tough. This can't go on and he's going to have to take it.

Despite two previous failures, I would opt for telling him at his mum's. That way, you are in control, because you can walk out whenever you are ready. If you know that this time is it, and that however reasonable he sounds, nothing will change, then all you have to do is keep saying 'It's over.' 'It's over.' 'It's over.' Don't try to discuss or explain, just keep saying it's over, and he'll get the message.

I know it's easier said than done, and I know you're not feeling strong so it's tempting to put it off 'until you feel stronger'. I think there's a very real danger that if you stay in that relationship you will never feel stronger, rather that he will continue to sap your strength, physical and emotional. You've recognised that this isn't a loving relationship complicated by his menatl health, this has become abusive. Please walk away, and find your strength on your own.

Because you're a nice person, and you still want to do the right thing, you want to tell him face to face, and what I've written is based on that. If you can't face it, trust me that in this situation you have every right to put your own health and safety first and send him a letter. But again, don't explain, excuse, don't say you're sorry. Stick to (you've guessed) 'it's over'. Then don't answer your phone, don't respond to emails or MSM or however else he might try to communicate, and if possible either stay with a friend for a few days so that you're not in if he calls round (he may discover his agoraphobia isn't that bad!) or have someone staying with you.

He's controlled and abused you for too long, and if you show any chink of weakness he'll manipulate that to his advantage as he has done before. Leaving is the ultimate statement that he isn't in control of you any more. He may fight dirty. Stay strong, and remember we're always here.

BJx

Don't meet him. At his, yours, or his mum. I repeat my previous advice:

write him a very short letter explaining that it is over,and telling him not to contact you again. Ever. Then change your numbers and your locks if necessary.

That is all you need to do - then you can move on.

I don't think the way he treats you warrants a minute of your time face to face.

I have to say - why are you so concerned with what he can't do, due to his agoraphobia, social anxiety, etc. etc.? If he wants to meet you to find out why you are not wanting to see him, then he can make the effort to meet you somewhere, even a park.

I think this is the time you can start being selfish. You are doing what YOU need to do to break free of him, and part of doing that is realising you can no longer think and care about someone that doesn't think or care about you.

I agree. Having dealt with an abusive ex, I found that any attempt to end things always backfired. In the end, I packed my stuff, wrote a note and disappeared to my moms before he could get back from work.

If your struggling to get through to him due to HIS issues (repeat, HIS, not yours!) then this looks like the best option. You dont need to be near him and you can then change locks etc and if your really concerned then stay with friends/family for a few days for it blow over so your not there if he does happen to turn up. I hope that helps, it sounds like a nightmare situation but you can and will get out of it. You know all the reasons why so dont let him put you off it.

I would also opt not to meet him.

In most break ups, it is only fair to meet face to face but in this case, you have to think about your own safety and put yourself first.

I had an abusive relationship and I ended it over the phone because I was too scared to do it face to face. I don't feel bad about it.

Good luck x

Sue, how did it go? Are you ok?

The first thing you should do is tell a friend or member of your family what you are planning to do and why. Come clean with them, you will need someone in the "real" world who knows and understands why you've made the decision and can fend off questions. Most importantly, if your boyfriend comes looking for you, this person should be on the look out for him.

Once you have selected and told this person, ask them to drive you to his house and wait outside for as long as it takes. It shouldn't take long to be honest. Just say your peice, don't get drawn in to an arguement or discussion. Write a letter explaining more as SK said and perhaps give that to him to read but you must tell him face to face. You need to do that for yourself more than anything else. Stand up to him. Hiding behind a letter alone is a tad cowardly in my opinion, and from what I've read on here you are much stronger than that.

Good luck!

Sorry I can't keep reading this thread now, you've come on here for help and advice, you've been given it, and yet you're still being a masochist to yourself - you've obviously got some serious issues! And unbelievably you're still making excuses for the d*ckhead?! It's not going to change! It might be all romantic and dramatic reunion just now but it's just going to back to exactly how it was a few days ago and you'll feel even more %&*$#.

You need to get some help, I do sympathise, but there is a limit to what you can expect other people to do for you. You have to want, really want to change this and I don't think you do.

I'm not surprised at this, and agree that there is something wrong with you.

I seriously think you need some professional help here - I hope you seek it.

Good Luck xx