http://www.handbag.com/social/forums-relationships_relationships_feel-betrayed-now-difficulty-trusting-gfhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:RelationshipsForum:50Discussion:e5f633bb-ddd9-4804-8f0d-7632b4c114ffPost:800d55bd-1ba5-44bc-8685-a84695497e9a
Where to start? She isn't my GF as I said in the OP. She is my Fiance.
After all the fun and games in the above tread we met up over in East Anglia for her birthday on Tuesday.
We had a lovely time like it used to be and then we found somewhere quiet to have The Chat.
She told me that the house went through quickly and, as she didn't know what she wanted out of life or where she wanted to be, she lodged in her ex's new house as she didn't want to be tied down by a rental/lease agreement. She said they each had their own rooms and they had agreed to not bring people other people back which I took to mean lovers.
She didn't tell me because she didn't know how I would take it.
I was calm, collected and supportive even so inside the loudest alarm bells possible were ringing.
She did allow me to drop her off but she actually made me pull over before her road and kiss her goodnight then and when she left me it was a peck on the cheek, she didn't look back even going into the house whilst I saw her in.
I drove home and thought through things and had a pretty rough next day and we had an argument.
We made up yesterday and I asked her out straight whether...
....her ex wasn't her ex or not? She said yes he was
....whether they were married or not? She said no they weren't
....if they were just friends what the relationship was like? She said more than friends but not lovers
....did they socialise together? Yes
....she actually owned the house too? No
I just didn't believe her to be honest so I did something that I felt awful doing, but in the end it proved productive: I bought the title deads for where she lived.
She and he "ex" sold their 175k house and she did indeed own with him a 323k house now.
The texts had gotten lovey dovey and frequent again in the day and I texted her and said "one more question please?" she said yes and I asked "do you own the house with xxxx?" she replied "no".
I just texted "goodbye"....
She called and I confonted her and she admitted she had problems with the truth but she did not have a sexual relationship with xxxxx.
I asked her how, if there is no bfgf relationship with xxxx, how she could buy a house with him? One of the reasons for us cooling off she told me was that the stress of having to negotiate an equal split with her "ex" plus dividing the house contents and having to set up on her own was on of the reasons we had cooled.
One of the reasons that I hadn't met her family beyond her Mother back in the day, is that she told me her brother in law and xxx (the "ex") socialised and she didn't want xxx to find out about me and be spiteful with the house-split. We had also had lots of words in the past when i said i hated being an apparent secret part of her life ring-fenced off geographically and emotionally from the rest of her life...
So where are we?
She has told me she loves me and that she is sorry and in a few days time we will chat properly and she will be honest with me. Don't see her being honest tbh...
What I think is the case is this.
She was going through a rough patch with xxx and they had split up and she saw me.
But
They got back together and she couldnt give me up.
So I made someone the focus of my life, introduced her to my son and took her to my parents 40th wedding anniversary celebrations, believed what she said about herself and her life, asked her to be my wife and trusted her without reason and do you know what?
It looks like all along I was her male mistress.
I will listen to what she says and I want to be with her as I am in love with what I think she is, but deep down I know it's a lost cause.
I never loved my ex-wife as much as I love her, but her life that I think I know is a lie and she has used me.
I don't think I will ever trust or love again.
