Just lost the love of my life

I just need to get this out there in black and white so i can truly believe this and process it. My partner of 2 years, with whom we were planning to move in/get married/have children, went a little off on me this week and has just sent me an email today explaining at length why he has to make the decision to end our relationship. Whilst I do not wish to go into details and whilst i respect some of the pressures he is facing in life, I cannot even begin to comprehend why he would choose to throw away our relationship rather than sort some of the other things out first, and why he would do it in such an abrupt manner either... This was a soul mate relationship, one that has been beautiful and strong and positive to both of us on all levels. We are both crazy about each other. But that's it. He'll always love me but I've been advised to move on because he is never coming back... Just, wow... I don't know what to say right now. I've been unable to function properly today. I have spoken to a close friend but this isn't something I feel that i can talk about to anyone else yet. I just feel empty and devastated and hurt beyond belief. After all we've been through, after all the promises and plans he does this. And to anyone who thinks he may come back - believe me, he won't, he's that kind of guy once he decides then it's done - that's it he's gone forever. Also, he hasn't met anyone else that's not the problem here; I don't know what i expect by posting this here but I suppose i'm just trying to connect with others who may have gone through severe heartbreak too and come through it, in the hope that i too will see the light eventually because right now it's looking really really dark. I miss him already like air and it's only been 5 hours how will i take a lifetime of this I dread going to bed tonight.

Poor you .
He will have been thinking about this for a bit and when one person leaves the other, seemingly quickly, you have to remember, that person has been thinking and planning it for a bit, so its not so abrupt for them.
Your heart is broken and life feels awful - much as I tell you you'll be OK, you feel like you never will.
But...... you will be.
Its just time and there is nothing you can do about it.
Be brave, be dignified and look after yourself.

Aww love that's awful for you, I think everyone knows the raw feeling of a break up. There's no specific way to get over someone but right now you don't have to think about that. It's only been a few hours, you need to grieve the relationship, and that's completely normal. I have no advice on how to get through the night but I hope you're not alone, you could really do with a friend by your side, even just for the first night. Perhaps take a bath, watch some tv, it might take your mind off it for a while. Posting on here will help aswell. Don't be afraid to let it all out, it's still very early stages. I hope you're ok

Thanks for all responses. I'm alone tonight but i've spoken to a couple of people. I'm swinging between tears and heartbreak to anger. It's in a 10 minute rota so i'm kind of exhausted. I just feel totally cheated and used - when push came to shove i was let go; seeing as i had raised these issues as a concern and i'd been promised - promised - that they would never get in the way of us... i just cant believe those promises were broken so easily. And just like that, he's ok cutting me from his life and never speaking to me again wow...

Sorry to hear that and trust me I went through that a few heartbreaks so...

It seems quite sudden, but if he has decided it, you need to take time to accept it and then move on...

I used to talk to friend a lot and find letting my emotion out of my system works especially anger... this is the time you need to go through and eventually, you will feel better and you will start looking for a new person and find new things enjoyable...

I know it's horrible when you think you're never going to see someone again. You think to yourself it's a big world what if i never meet them again. When i went through this a few months ago, it was like having the flu, i sat downstairs for 10 mins then got sooo unsettled i had to go and lie down but then was up again within ten minutes, crying and writing letters which i wanted to post to him but never did. I never showed anyone the letter and i think i've lost it in a drawer now.

I still really miss this person and they've never left my thoughts and some nights i even dreamt about that person and thought i'd been talking to them again, what a shock to realise it had only been a dream and hadn't actually happened when i woke.

I still hope i will see this person again some day. It's sooo difficult because a lot of other people don't understand how you feel- they didn't understand that i had fallen in love with this person, they thought it was just something that i could get over and find someone else. One or two boys approached me and i chatted to them, but then i soon decided that i didn't want to know them because i didn't feel the same for these boys, they weren't the right ones for me. They made me more anxious than anything and it's hard when someone approaches you at a car park bench, tries to chat me up, and then everytime i see them in the town and then make it clear i want nothing to do with them, they ask if they've done something wrong. Thankfully they got the message a few months ago. If they hadn't stopped annoying me i was prepared to tell them i am already deeply in love with someone else and that will never change.

I have even thought to myself i either see the person i fell in love with again in my life or choose to be single for the rest of my life because no one matches that person who went out of my life so many months ago.

Love to all you going through things like this out there.
I know you understand.

xxxxx

Thanks - indeed it feels like being sick with flu or something. It's the abruptness of it - one minute he's the core of my life and the next he's gone... i'm just finding it hard to get around.

I'm going to move on eventually, i know that. I just find it hard to even contemplate at the moment. It's hard to accept that the person I thought so highly of and who I gave my heart to so openly is in fact not only very flawed but has deeply let me down and hurt me in ways he promised he never would, and more importantly that i believed he never would.

You never know what's going to happen next in this life....
you think to yourself i'll always know him and we'll always be friends and i couldn't live without him. And then suddenly and there's nothing you can do about it your forced to live without seeing that person again, or for at least a few months and your heart is broken.
And you don't know until that person has gone out of your life, how much you really loved him.

Seriously i felt it in my stomach and heart that's where all my emotions were and i'm a v emotional person and my tears just start at anytime. Plus if there are crap things going on in your life at the same time like me i was ill and lost my so called job, because of my illness i started to think lots of people were against me in the world especially after what happened at work. I thought life would never be the same again. And it isn't but i've coped better than i thought and i'm taking one day at a time, making sure i don't say anything i shouldn't to anyone and making sure people treat me with decency unlike some of those people at my job in that school i worked at.

Although there are people in this world that understand your broken heart- mine were relatives who were hundreds of miles away but i couldn't have got through this without their support.

Your broken heart will heal, just give yourself time and don't blame what's happened on yourself it's probably happened because of lots of reasons that are nothing to do with you- like you said your partner has lots of pressures in life, just give him time to get over these and you never know what the future holds.
All the Best
Big Hug
Rosy x

Thanks Rosy, I'm sorry to hear that you went through illness and job loss at the same time. Although I'm physically devastated and not eating, i'm healthy and i've got a good job, though frankly in recent times i've been off the ball because in the back of my mind i was worried about something like this happening (and he kept assuring me it wouldn't right up until a few days ago...) - so i'm hoping i won't lose this job. I've called in sick today again.

They do say it's one day at a time, at the moment every second hurts...

It took me a long time to realise what Mr Mannering has said above. When the love of my life decided to end things, abruptly as yours has .. I was devastated and couldn't imagine how my life could go on .. having previously been married and divorced ... I thought I had finally found "the one" who I would end my days with and couldn't contemplate life without him in it...
Nothing is going to ease the pain and disorientation you are feeling at the moment but the words of comfort I offer you are that things do get better, but it does take time. You will go through a various and wide range of emotions before the healing process starts. Only then will you see that he wasn't your "whole" life and you will start to appreciate the times you spent together rather than look to a life without him in it.
It took me a very long time to finally get to a place where I stop thinking about my ex. We split up 2 1/2 years ago now and although part of my heart will always belong to him, I have plenty left over for someone else special. One day, you will too
Jx

That sounds so sad to read and shocking that someone would behave like that. Just go and leave somebody that they love in that way I cant believe it. If you know that he is the type to go and stay away then you need to ensure you use this weekend to pick yourself up. You say you've spoken to a friend, can they keep you company at all, can you go out even for a meal to take the mind off it?

Give yourself time to grieve the loss but then make a promise to yourself that there will be no more tears, no more hurt and your moving on. I think we really have all been there, and honestly, I know when its been me Iv had serious words with myself. I allow a day or two to wallow and then I pick myself up. Look after number one right now and lean on those around you. They wouldnt want you to suffer alone.

Oh hun, I read your post and felt your pain. This happened to me six months ago, only he did it by text. I had had those niggling doubts, the ones your instincts give you and also had the reassurances as you had, then BOOM! Your world is blown apart by reading a few words. Admittedly I wasn't with my guy for as long as you were with yours, but it's such a shock to the system. My proplem was I was never given any real explanation or closure as he wouldn't take my calls or see me afterwards. The only thing I got was one drunken email, saying he didn't like himself very much for hurting me. I guess the biggest thing to focus on is that you WILL get through this, it's so difficult right now, but it will get better. I know you don't want to go into detail, but it's important that you get some closure on things to be able to move on. (corny word I know) Did he give you reasonable reasons for leaving, can you (even though you don't like it) understand why he has done what he's done. Would he meet you for a coffee just to give you the reasons from the horses mouth? I think if you can get all this information then it's easier, in time to process it and get to grips with.

So sorry you are going through this, have a good cry and let it all out, it's the only way.

xxxx

Oh love, I don't have any words of wisdom to offer above what has already been posted...just be good to yourself and allow yourself time to heal.

Distraction is really useful - when you find yourself thinking about him and what went wrong, distract yourself with anything that you can - a phone call, a book, a TV program, some exercise...and get yourself to work on Monday! Having to focus on something else will helpful.

Yes he's definitely not coming back - he knows that doing this to me has cut me in half and is non negotiable so on the 1% chance he tried to backpedal I would not be available anyway. We're doing firm no contact now forever more... the cold turkey is killing me though i keep forgetting and expecting a text or a call or an email and then i remember that never again... I won't break the contact rule i'm very strong with things like that. I believe he won't either. Which makes it worse in a way it's like he died.

I'm in a very weird place - i'm of the opinion like you that I should move on, no more tears etc... but then i think back over things we had planned, we have done and all the memories and it's like my heart is ripped out of my chest all over again. And I know he'll go on and meet someone and have kids with them and do all those things he promised me and that's like a knife wound in my heart - i know i shouldn't focus on that and i know that i also have my life in front of me, but in the darker times that's what i think of because they were things that were ours for the future....

I suppose it's human to want to avoid the pain. This is the third heartbreak i've suffered and it's by far the worst and most disappointing because it's the most in love and committed i've ever been to someone and to a future with them. I wish things were different but in retrospect i realise he was emotionally unavailable... right guy, completely wrong time and circumstances apparently... i just wish i'd woken up and smelled the coffee sooner.

Hi Lilly thanks for your kind words - he did give me extensive reasons for leaving me - exactly the things he'd promised would not be an issue which is why it hurts so much because i'd anticipated this and he had appeased my fears and i was lulled into a sense of security and made to feel untrusting when i brought up concerns. Whilst i understand his reasons from a logical point of view, I believe he panicked and cut loose at the last minute by choosing what looked like the easy way out and i believe that he's made the wrong decision in the long run - but I would, wouldn't i? But most importantly, i've woken up to the realisation that he was absolutely not where i was in relation to "us" - and he admitted he now feels he was nowhere near ready to have a relationship with me or make the promises he made. So i would have been wasting my time. Thankfully he had the decency to realise that before i wasted another 10 years on this. But unfortunately it took him 2 years to find out and i've just lost a lot of energy and a lot of myself along the way, i'm left feeling used and drained (I supported him through some stuff)... I would not like to see him again or talk about it - i disagree so much with his reasons, i'm shocked at this new side of him that i've discovered and the conversation would not be constructive and would bring no progress on either side - what's done is done now.