hello all, I don't really want to take up much of your time but I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to at the moment. I've written here a few times before and its made me feel better.
Feeling very low at the moment and very stressed for many reasons. I finished medical school and have now moved to a new place to start my job as a doctor - I start tomorrow - and I feel terrified about how its all going to go. I feel clueless about it all and I'm really dreading it, dreading messing up and dreading not having any idea what to do at all. I just don't have any confidence at the moment despite passing finals and getting through my degree.
I've moved to a new place for my job - I feel lonely and slightly homesick too. I've just moved to a new flat with 2 other housemates who are a couple. Sounds like a minor thing really cos I know most people go through with it but I'm living out of suitcases at the moment because I don't have any furniture and don't have any money at the moment to buy many things.
I'm in a relationship at the moment, I've talked and moaned about it a few times. Its a long distance relationship, I've been in it for 2 and a half years and my bf has been away from me for just over 2 years. I found it very stressful when I was at university because it was my first relationship and never envisaged it to be like that, plus I couldn't go visit him, it was him who did all the visiting. He has been trying to get a job where I now live but so far he has had no success and its getting me really down because I just feel I've waited for a long time.
On top of this my parents strongly disapprove of him because of his different cultural and ethnic background and have tried their hardest to stop me seeing him and to break us up. Some of the things they tried to do was ring him up and scare him off. We have had big arguments about all of this, the first time was at Christmas when they found out and they made my life hell for a bit. They kept telling me I was going to fail because of this and they were deeply ashamed. The second time was after my finals when they tried to get a mediator in to initiate a discussion about it but the mediator sided with them and said I was rebellious. I felt completely powerless.
My relationship with my parents is as a result strained and I find it difficult now to be close with them. To be honest I don't really know what I'm trying to say here - I don't feel that what I've said has conveyed everything I've tried to say. I just feel like at the moment everything is too much for me and I can't take anything any more. Whenever I try to talk to my sister about it all she just says I whinge all the time and even if I cry I don't get any comfort from her, she just ignores me. I feel that all my stressing and unhappiness is going to push my bf away, and that all of this stuff with my parents is going to scare him away.
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I feel pretty down :(
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Hey Hipster - crikey what a load you have to deal with!
I'm not good at the advice side of things - pf seems to be dishing out the cracking wisdom!
I just thought - if you needed a pick me up - I'd point out the positives (from what I can gather) -
YOU PASSED A MEDICAL DEGREE AND ARE ABOUT TO BECOME A DOCTOR!!! Bloody well done Chick - that's awesome!! Now being daunted about a new job, and especially one with a degree of responsibility is perfectly natural - it shows how conscientious you are - a brilliant trait for a budding Doctor surely?! Try to look at it as a new opportunity (I know, I know, easier said then done) you've broken the ties with home and are about to embark on a new level of independence away from your, possibly quite domineering, home-life. You'll meet loads of new people and hopefully make a bunch of new friends. Think of the possibilities this is opening and not the fear of screwing up (which I'm sure you won't!).
As to the Relationship with Mr Hipster - I know its frustrating having been so long in an LDR and it seeming to show no signs of closing the distance (trust me - 4 years and still going) but look at how much he must love you as he's prepared to leave his home country and culture behind to come and join you!! Not only must he love you loads and think you're a pretty special lady but he obviously has NOT been 'scared off' to any level by your family - that's dedication!!
Finding a job in this climate is always going to be tough - and probably more so if MrHipster is fitting job-hunting in around visits to where you are (presumably UK but perhaps not?) you can always take some comfort from the fact that he's trying - as I said - you must be worth a fair amount to warrant such effort!!
I know none of the above has been advice as such, and I haven't helped in any way to make the situation go away, but hopefully by pointing out some of the positives here the negatives won't feel so daunting and you'll be able to find some comfort in the aspects of your life that are exciting, loving and rewarding.
Take care Hipster *hug*
Lottie. x
I'm not good at the advice side of things - pf seems to be dishing out the cracking wisdom!
I just thought - if you needed a pick me up - I'd point out the positives (from what I can gather) -
YOU PASSED A MEDICAL DEGREE AND ARE ABOUT TO BECOME A DOCTOR!!! Bloody well done Chick - that's awesome!! Now being daunted about a new job, and especially one with a degree of responsibility is perfectly natural - it shows how conscientious you are - a brilliant trait for a budding Doctor surely?! Try to look at it as a new opportunity (I know, I know, easier said then done) you've broken the ties with home and are about to embark on a new level of independence away from your, possibly quite domineering, home-life. You'll meet loads of new people and hopefully make a bunch of new friends. Think of the possibilities this is opening and not the fear of screwing up (which I'm sure you won't!).
As to the Relationship with Mr Hipster - I know its frustrating having been so long in an LDR and it seeming to show no signs of closing the distance (trust me - 4 years and still going) but look at how much he must love you as he's prepared to leave his home country and culture behind to come and join you!! Not only must he love you loads and think you're a pretty special lady but he obviously has NOT been 'scared off' to any level by your family - that's dedication!!
Finding a job in this climate is always going to be tough - and probably more so if MrHipster is fitting job-hunting in around visits to where you are (presumably UK but perhaps not?) you can always take some comfort from the fact that he's trying - as I said - you must be worth a fair amount to warrant such effort!!
I know none of the above has been advice as such, and I haven't helped in any way to make the situation go away, but hopefully by pointing out some of the positives here the negatives won't feel so daunting and you'll be able to find some comfort in the aspects of your life that are exciting, loving and rewarding.
Take care Hipster *hug*
Lottie. x
No wonder you feel down. You're living with a couple who remind you that you're away from your boyfriend, your sister doesn't seem to care and your parents don't approve of your choices.
It sounds like you need some new chums, or some activities that will 'drag you out of yourself' so that your mind can be taken off all these issues.
Your counsellor sounds like a tit - I'm not a trained counsellor, however if he suggested you were rebellious as you are dating someone of a different race, then... I think he's a tit. You've rebelled because.... you've done a medical degree? you've rebelled because..... you've had a relationship for 2 years and aren't pregnant yet? I can really see why he's saying that... honest (Not).
I would probably play down your relationship with your parents - if things are strained already... If they bring it up, I would politely tell them I don't want to talk about it, and if they continue either hang up, or walk out the room - as for mediation, I don't see a need for that as they seemed to use it to try and get you to do what they wanted.... phoning up your boyfriend and scaring him off? Eh? No wonder you don't feel close to them.
I think you need support, someone who understands you're going through issues and why your parents are being rather silly at the mo - have you thought about getting a different counsellor and not telling your parents? Also, do you have any single friends near you? if so, I know being a Junior Doctor is incredibly stressful, but perhaps if you did pilates or something like that for a couple of hours a week you would have an outlet for all this 'stress' and feel better and more in control about dealing with stuff?
Well done on passing your degree - I know it's not easy as my chum did the same thing last year....
It sounds like you need some new chums, or some activities that will 'drag you out of yourself' so that your mind can be taken off all these issues.
Your counsellor sounds like a tit - I'm not a trained counsellor, however if he suggested you were rebellious as you are dating someone of a different race, then... I think he's a tit. You've rebelled because.... you've done a medical degree? you've rebelled because..... you've had a relationship for 2 years and aren't pregnant yet? I can really see why he's saying that... honest (Not).
I would probably play down your relationship with your parents - if things are strained already... If they bring it up, I would politely tell them I don't want to talk about it, and if they continue either hang up, or walk out the room - as for mediation, I don't see a need for that as they seemed to use it to try and get you to do what they wanted.... phoning up your boyfriend and scaring him off? Eh? No wonder you don't feel close to them.
I think you need support, someone who understands you're going through issues and why your parents are being rather silly at the mo - have you thought about getting a different counsellor and not telling your parents? Also, do you have any single friends near you? if so, I know being a Junior Doctor is incredibly stressful, but perhaps if you did pilates or something like that for a couple of hours a week you would have an outlet for all this 'stress' and feel better and more in control about dealing with stuff?
Well done on passing your degree - I know it's not easy as my chum did the same thing last year....
yes for teh moment i would concetrate on you, your new joba dn adjusting to a new place. it cant be easy living with a couple. how about you get to know you're area adn find some groups you could join some sports to maybe start and so on. Get to know everyone in your new work place maybe invite them to dinner, once you feel more settled you could start looking at the problems with your parents. it must be hard to having to defend yourself adn your relationship to your family with your oh not being able to support you. perhaps in time they will understand, give them some space for a bit maybe write them a letter of how to feel a bit trapped when you have time to word it ina pragmatic manner? after all tehy do care for your happiness adn since they trust what they know they will worry about culture differences. But you know in your heart what is right for you, you do need some support are you still in contact with old friends? maybe invite them up to see you for the wkd. good luck
do-it.org<br /><br /><br />be the change in your life<br />
Firstly, congratulations on passing your medical exams and becoming a doctor - this is a huge achievement that you should be incredibly proud of! It's a real shame you've got so much other rubbish going on in your life that you shouldn't have to deal with.
It sounds as if your bf is trying his best to be near you but the job market is rubbish at the moment and there isn't a lot out there so he will just have to keep trying. Does he know everything your parents have done? Do you talk to eachother about it? It's important that the two of you communicate so that he knows what you're going through.
As for your parents, they're in the wrong by interfering in your relationship but I guess they don't see it that way. Is it an option to have as little contact with them as possible? You really need to be able to concentrate on your new career than have to waste time worrying what they're going to do next. I'm sorry your sister hasn't been more supportive but she's clearly got her own fish to fry and that may be making her selfish.
Could you talk to a counsellor at your university? I think they provide a lot of support for their medics and it may help to get stuff off your chest?
It sounds as if your bf is trying his best to be near you but the job market is rubbish at the moment and there isn't a lot out there so he will just have to keep trying. Does he know everything your parents have done? Do you talk to eachother about it? It's important that the two of you communicate so that he knows what you're going through.
As for your parents, they're in the wrong by interfering in your relationship but I guess they don't see it that way. Is it an option to have as little contact with them as possible? You really need to be able to concentrate on your new career than have to waste time worrying what they're going to do next. I'm sorry your sister hasn't been more supportive but she's clearly got her own fish to fry and that may be making her selfish.
Could you talk to a counsellor at your university? I think they provide a lot of support for their medics and it may help to get stuff off your chest?
Hey guys thanks for all your posts, its nice to know that people do care and that its not me just going mad. I will take all your advice on board.
Spent the weekend at home, didn't get a chance to talk to my boyfriend all weekend which got me more down. In addition i just feel so guilty about everything because despite my parents' controlling nature, they do do a lot for me, and it makes me feel so bad. But I love my boyfriend and can't leave him
He knows about everything thats happened and has been completely understanding about it all. I'm just worried that we're going to grow apart and end up having separate lives because we've been apart for most of our relationship which makes me feel really down. On top of this I'm worried that I'm going to push him away with all my moaning.
Right now everything is making me anxious, this stress with all of this has gone on for too long and there doesn't seem to be an end to it - my appetite is not so great any more, I feel slightly sick all the time and tired and tearful and panicky. To top it off I now have 7 nights of nights starting from today and am worried about how my work is going to go this week.
xx
n Response to Re: I feel pretty down http://www.handbag.com/social/forums-relationships_relationships_feel-pretty-down-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:RelationshipsForum:50Discussion:6b8e3405-f8e7-4c5f-881f-b7aaadd2c0ffPost:8219cfd1-8ce8-416b-a1ad-200ccee2e1c4 :
Spent the weekend at home, didn't get a chance to talk to my boyfriend all weekend which got me more down. In addition i just feel so guilty about everything because despite my parents' controlling nature, they do do a lot for me, and it makes me feel so bad. But I love my boyfriend and can't leave him
He knows about everything thats happened and has been completely understanding about it all. I'm just worried that we're going to grow apart and end up having separate lives because we've been apart for most of our relationship which makes me feel really down. On top of this I'm worried that I'm going to push him away with all my moaning.
Right now everything is making me anxious, this stress with all of this has gone on for too long and there doesn't seem to be an end to it - my appetite is not so great any more, I feel slightly sick all the time and tired and tearful and panicky. To top it off I now have 7 nights of nights starting from today and am worried about how my work is going to go this week.
xx
n Response to Re: I feel pretty down
http://www.handbag.com/social/forums-relationships_relationships_feel-pretty-down-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:RelationshipsForum:50Discussion:6b8e3405-f8e7-4c5f-881f-b7aaadd2c0ffPost:8219cfd1-8ce8-416b-a1ad-200ccee2e1c4 :Quoted:
Firstly, congratulations on passing your medical exams and becoming a doctor - this is a huge achievement that you should be incredibly proud of! It's a real shame you've got so much other rubbish going on in your life that you shouldn't have to deal with. It sounds as if your bf is trying his best to be near you but the job market is rubbish at the moment and there isn't a lot out there so he will just have to keep trying. Does he know everything your parents have done? Do you talk to eachother about it? It's important that the two of you communicate so that he knows what you're going through. As for your parents, they're in the wrong by interfering in your relationship but I guess they don't see it that way. Is it an option to have as little contact with them as possible? You really need to be able to concentrate on your new career than have to waste time worrying what they're going to do next. I'm sorry your sister hasn't been more supportive but she's clearly got her own fish to fry and that may be making her selfish. Could you talk to a counsellor at your university? I think they provide a lot of support for their medics and it may help to get stuff off your chest?
Posted by sciencechick
Posted by sciencechick
yes yes YES massive congratulations. you have achieved massively
i wanted to pick up on this:
I feel clueless about it all and I'm really dreading it, dreading messing up and dreading not having any idea what to do at all. I just don't have any confidence at the moment despite passing finals and getting through my degree.
because you then say:
T hey kept telling me I was going to fail because of this and they were deeply ashamed
im really not surprised you have such confidence issues
In addition i just feel so guilty about everything because despite my parents' controlling nature, they do do a lot for me, and it makes me feel so bad.
this is exactly how a controlling parent controlled me too. the guilt is omnipresent. I havent had your experiences with the cultural issues, but i guess your controlling parents are a huge factor in your anxiety.
i seriously suggest that you tackle this, they are ruining your life with love. You should be on the verge of a career, of becoming independent and starting your new life with the man you choose to be with. I know that you may feel defensive over your parents so i dont want to attack them in any way, and they love you, however, it seems to me that lots of whats holding you back from doing what you should be enjoying stems from this relationship dynamic.
I would advise you now to manage them - you might need some professional help to do this - but when i say professional, i mean someone who is there for you not someone selected to deliver a message that your parents choose. A mediator often isnt a counsellor, but they are supposed to be neutral. You are being given the message by your parents and having it reinforced by a 'professional' - i would doubt this mediator was selected for their neutrality - its part of the control of you. For eg, if the mediator is an elder of your community or religious group, they might have the community or religion as their main drive, not what is good for you and your parents
When i say manage your parents, i mean do not react the way the dynamic has developed. You need to break the patterns by doing whats best for you and feeling happy about that, not half doing what they want, and then feeling bad, guilty and anxious about doing the rest which is what you want. You are not their instrument, you are an individual with your own goals and needs. You are allowing their guilt to trip you. So, i advise that you dont discuss these matters with them. If they try to guide you into what they want, you need to be firm, but good natured when you say 'no thanks mum' and then remove yourself from the conversation, by changing subject, by asking who wants a cup of tea or whatever.
Plan now ho wyou will deal with the next incident
what comment will you use to change the subject?
plan and prepare
They can only guilt trip you if you allow them to. I know its going to feel odd breaking a habit you've had for prob your whole life, but this isnt fair on you and you are suffering as a result. If you dont feel strong enough, get some professional advice and speak to a counsellor.
x
i wanted to pick up on this:
I feel clueless about it all and I'm really dreading it, dreading messing up and dreading not having any idea what to do at all. I just don't have any confidence at the moment despite passing finals and getting through my degree.
because you then say:
T hey kept telling me I was going to fail because of this and they were deeply ashamed
im really not surprised you have such confidence issues
In addition i just feel so guilty about everything because despite my parents' controlling nature, they do do a lot for me, and it makes me feel so bad.
this is exactly how a controlling parent controlled me too. the guilt is omnipresent. I havent had your experiences with the cultural issues, but i guess your controlling parents are a huge factor in your anxiety.
i seriously suggest that you tackle this, they are ruining your life with love. You should be on the verge of a career, of becoming independent and starting your new life with the man you choose to be with. I know that you may feel defensive over your parents so i dont want to attack them in any way, and they love you, however, it seems to me that lots of whats holding you back from doing what you should be enjoying stems from this relationship dynamic.
I would advise you now to manage them - you might need some professional help to do this - but when i say professional, i mean someone who is there for you not someone selected to deliver a message that your parents choose. A mediator often isnt a counsellor, but they are supposed to be neutral. You are being given the message by your parents and having it reinforced by a 'professional' - i would doubt this mediator was selected for their neutrality - its part of the control of you. For eg, if the mediator is an elder of your community or religious group, they might have the community or religion as their main drive, not what is good for you and your parents
When i say manage your parents, i mean do not react the way the dynamic has developed. You need to break the patterns by doing whats best for you and feeling happy about that, not half doing what they want, and then feeling bad, guilty and anxious about doing the rest which is what you want. You are not their instrument, you are an individual with your own goals and needs. You are allowing their guilt to trip you. So, i advise that you dont discuss these matters with them. If they try to guide you into what they want, you need to be firm, but good natured when you say 'no thanks mum' and then remove yourself from the conversation, by changing subject, by asking who wants a cup of tea or whatever.
Plan now ho wyou will deal with the next incident
what comment will you use to change the subject?
plan and prepare
They can only guilt trip you if you allow them to. I know its going to feel odd breaking a habit you've had for prob your whole life, but this isnt fair on you and you are suffering as a result. If you dont feel strong enough, get some professional advice and speak to a counsellor.
x
<span style="font-size:10px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:14px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="color:#000080;" class="Apple-style-span">"I'm not selling you my baby Nato."<
Hey guys, I wrote a while ago about my dilemma and wanted to update you on whats been happening, if only to get everything off my chest because I don't really have anyone to talk to.
I've just started my new job and had worked for nearly two weeks, including a week of nights. I then got 2 weeks off, during which my boyfriend came for a visit. He arrived the day I finished my last night, and I had been looking forward to seeing him especially as it had been a while.
Anyhow, my parents turned up that evening for a surprise visit, when my boyfriend was there, and I had no idea they would be there. They had never met him before and so this was the first time, which put us all off guard. I reckon they had an idea he was going to visit so they turned up without ringing me before.
It was awful. I was totally unprepared, and having come off my nights, was physically and mentally exhausted. I became very emotional and cried, whilst they ignored me and argued with my bf. He was on the defensive because he too was unprepared and had heard many nasty things that they had said about him before, he knew they disapproved of him. He tried to keep as calm as he could but they were totally unreasonable with him. They were angry too that he was sharing a room with me because in our culture we are not allowed to sleep with a man before marriage. In addition my dad kept saying how stupid I had become since I started this relationship and generally how naive I was. The whole thing was embarrassing too given that my flatmates were in that evening, but they cottoned on what was going on and were a great help. My parents demanded that my bf break up with me, but he refused saying that he would only answer to me and not them.
Anyhow they left and that evening, which had previously been happy, was one of the worst days of my life. Following that evening, my dad sent me many abusive text messages and emails, saying that they were ashamed of me and that my bf was 'scum' and a 'disease carrier' and that I was 'his slave'. He also said that I was not allowed to return home again and that I should pay him back all the money he had given me for the deposit of the flat, amongst other things, including my violin, my most prized possession. In addition I got emails from my mum which weren't so abusive but basically excused my dad's behaviour and also said how bad my bf was and how I would realise later on the mistakes I was about to make. My parents have also said that I should choose between them and my bf.
My sister has turned against me too, she doesn't support me and feels sorry for our parents, despite the fact that the very same issue may affect her too.
Despite all of this, my bf and I managed to have a good time together these last two weeks. He has said that he will stick by me and that it is my decision what happens next.
He left yesterday which made me feel really sad and alone. Before he left I received a long email from my uncle saying I should break up with my bf so that my parents could be happy and that I deserved better in life. This made me so angry, but I did not reply.
In addition to this my bf has since told me that my father wrote a letter to his father ( I am astounded as to how he got the address!) saying that my bf is a bad person and has forced me into this relationship, and that I am naive and poor in critically analysing people, and that his father should advise him to break up with me. I was really shocked by this especially as his father had no idea that all this was happening, (although he knew about our relationship and was fine with it). My bf is understandably confused and distressed.
I also spoke to my housemates and it seems my dad has contacted them by email too, to try and find out what is going on. He tried to discuss my bf's personal life with them, but they were good and said they would not discuss anything about me with him.
I feel completely distraught and don't really know what to do anymore. I feel powerless because I feel my father is completely ruining my life and has lost it. He seems to think he can invade every bit of my personal life and harrass everyone I know to get his way. I don't really know what to do, and I'm sorry for writing this long message but I can't cope. I just want to be with my boyfriend, because he is my best friend and makes me happy.
I've just started my new job and had worked for nearly two weeks, including a week of nights. I then got 2 weeks off, during which my boyfriend came for a visit. He arrived the day I finished my last night, and I had been looking forward to seeing him especially as it had been a while.
Anyhow, my parents turned up that evening for a surprise visit, when my boyfriend was there, and I had no idea they would be there. They had never met him before and so this was the first time, which put us all off guard. I reckon they had an idea he was going to visit so they turned up without ringing me before.
It was awful. I was totally unprepared, and having come off my nights, was physically and mentally exhausted. I became very emotional and cried, whilst they ignored me and argued with my bf. He was on the defensive because he too was unprepared and had heard many nasty things that they had said about him before, he knew they disapproved of him. He tried to keep as calm as he could but they were totally unreasonable with him. They were angry too that he was sharing a room with me because in our culture we are not allowed to sleep with a man before marriage. In addition my dad kept saying how stupid I had become since I started this relationship and generally how naive I was. The whole thing was embarrassing too given that my flatmates were in that evening, but they cottoned on what was going on and were a great help. My parents demanded that my bf break up with me, but he refused saying that he would only answer to me and not them.
Anyhow they left and that evening, which had previously been happy, was one of the worst days of my life. Following that evening, my dad sent me many abusive text messages and emails, saying that they were ashamed of me and that my bf was 'scum' and a 'disease carrier' and that I was 'his slave'. He also said that I was not allowed to return home again and that I should pay him back all the money he had given me for the deposit of the flat, amongst other things, including my violin, my most prized possession. In addition I got emails from my mum which weren't so abusive but basically excused my dad's behaviour and also said how bad my bf was and how I would realise later on the mistakes I was about to make. My parents have also said that I should choose between them and my bf.
My sister has turned against me too, she doesn't support me and feels sorry for our parents, despite the fact that the very same issue may affect her too.
Despite all of this, my bf and I managed to have a good time together these last two weeks. He has said that he will stick by me and that it is my decision what happens next.
He left yesterday which made me feel really sad and alone. Before he left I received a long email from my uncle saying I should break up with my bf so that my parents could be happy and that I deserved better in life. This made me so angry, but I did not reply.
In addition to this my bf has since told me that my father wrote a letter to his father ( I am astounded as to how he got the address!) saying that my bf is a bad person and has forced me into this relationship, and that I am naive and poor in critically analysing people, and that his father should advise him to break up with me. I was really shocked by this especially as his father had no idea that all this was happening, (although he knew about our relationship and was fine with it). My bf is understandably confused and distressed.
I also spoke to my housemates and it seems my dad has contacted them by email too, to try and find out what is going on. He tried to discuss my bf's personal life with them, but they were good and said they would not discuss anything about me with him.
I feel completely distraught and don't really know what to do anymore. I feel powerless because I feel my father is completely ruining my life and has lost it. He seems to think he can invade every bit of my personal life and harrass everyone I know to get his way. I don't really know what to do, and I'm sorry for writing this long message but I can't cope. I just want to be with my boyfriend, because he is my best friend and makes me happy.
Hipster
I'm totally shocked at your parents behaviour and cannot begin to imagine how this must be making you and your bf feel.
Whilst they are being so unreasonable its very difficult to advise how to manage your relationship with them - rational conversation would be lost on them by the sounds of it.
In your shoes I would let them know that their words and behaviour are totally unacceptable, not to mention racist, and that until they accept your relationship with your bf and be civil towards him, that you will not have contact with them.
If / when you do have contact them, as Nato suggested, I think it would be a good idea to completely avoid discussing your bf or your relationship whilst they are being so awful about it - and if they bring it up then change the conversation immediately, if that doesn't work then say directly "I do not want to discuss this with you" and leave / put the phone down if necessary.
I really feel for you. Glad to see that you enjoyed the two weeks with your bf though - one of the good things about LDRs is the excitement and the newness when you see each other again. I hope you the next visit planned to look forward to.
Are you enjoying your new job? What is your first rotation? My best mate has just finished her F1 and is loving it.
I'm totally shocked at your parents behaviour and cannot begin to imagine how this must be making you and your bf feel.
Whilst they are being so unreasonable its very difficult to advise how to manage your relationship with them - rational conversation would be lost on them by the sounds of it.
In your shoes I would let them know that their words and behaviour are totally unacceptable, not to mention racist, and that until they accept your relationship with your bf and be civil towards him, that you will not have contact with them.
If / when you do have contact them, as Nato suggested, I think it would be a good idea to completely avoid discussing your bf or your relationship whilst they are being so awful about it - and if they bring it up then change the conversation immediately, if that doesn't work then say directly "I do not want to discuss this with you" and leave / put the phone down if necessary.
I really feel for you. Glad to see that you enjoyed the two weeks with your bf though - one of the good things about LDRs is the excitement and the newness when you see each other again. I hope you the next visit planned to look forward to.
Are you enjoying your new job? What is your first rotation? My best mate has just finished her F1 and is loving it.
<font color="#333333"><strong>________________________________<br /></strong></font><strong><br /><br />hence, the potato thus looks like a penis.<br /><br />Posted by </strong><strong>satsumakitten <
Oh my god, how awful. Can I ask what is it about your boyfriend that makes them despise him so much? He sounds like a really strong guy to me and not afraid to stand up to your parents and that is what I think you are going to have to do. YOu need to take the control back and adapt a different stratetgy....
I can't imagine how awful you must feel but you need to ask yourself, which is more important to you right now? The relationship with your family or your boyfriend? Is there any good reason why they don't like him other than his race? Are they genuinely concerned for you or are they being narrow minded?
If they are being totally unreasonable, then the only way you can deal with this is by taking the power away from them (I am saying this of course in the hope that you are not in any danger by doing so?). I would write a letter to your parents, telling them exactly how you feel and how you will break of all contact with them if they do not let you live your life as you wish to. Tell them how much you love them and how it is hurting you to do this but their behaviour has left you with no choice Write to your sister too and tell her how you don't want to involve her but explain how you feel.. Then, leave it at that and concentrate on you for a while.... Work hard in your new job (you are very lucky to have that), make new friends and do not contact your family for a while. Really think about what is going to make you happy. If you have a good man, hang onto to him, if he is willing to stand up to your parents, you need to also do the same....
Good luck to you, it's terrible to be in that situation, but it is all about control and once you take it back, you may find a lot changes for you.....
Take care and be safe x
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