Hi,
Hope you have soem advice for me...I'm going a bit crazy with this one!
I have met a guy I really like, he is tall, handsome, mature and a really good laugh.
We met about 3 weeks ago. At first there was lots of texting which I really liked and he always wrote really long texts about what he was up to. We went on our second date and I stayed the night at his which was great. He told me he had 2 kids who live with his ex in Manchester and was going through a messy divorce which was nearly finalised. He also works really hard, at the same company as my brother. So, every thursday he drives up to Manchester and spends the weekend with his kids. He comes back down South, where I live and he works, on Mondays. As soon as Monday comes around all the texting starts up again and I get really happy at the idea of seeing him.
My problem is that I only ever see him on a Monday. I know, it's early days but when you first start to see someone I really like to see them more often. I seem to come pretty low on his list of priorities.
I guess my question is, knowing his situation, should I continue to see him if it's only ever going to be once a week due to his other committments...
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Am I being too demanding?
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I have to ask this question, are you sure he is single?
I am as sure as I can be. He works closely with with obe of my ex colleagues and with my brother. But yes it is a very valid question and has crossed my mind a good few times. There is no way I can really find out except for following him up to Manchester!!
I am going out on a night out with said ex-colleague and am very tempted to do some investigation as he is his manager after all.
I am going out on a night out with said ex-colleague and am very tempted to do some investigation as he is his manager after all.
Quoted:
I have to ask this question, are you sure he is single?
Posted by dynomite
Posted by dynomite
Im sorry I had to ask, is there no communication with him whilst he is in Manchester?
There wasn't any last weekend but before that there was, loads.
He has mentionned his problems with her because I commented on the fact that he was lucky to have access to the kids for the whole weekend. He said it wasn't always like that but it's a better now. When I asked how close he was to getting divorced, he said it just needed the 'official stamp' for it to be finalised. He also talked about how he was really glad his contract was getting renewed.
This was all a conversation had face to face so although he may have been lying I was able to see his facial expressions...
I hate being so suspicious and my instinct is that it's ok. For now...
He has mentionned his problems with her because I commented on the fact that he was lucky to have access to the kids for the whole weekend. He said it wasn't always like that but it's a better now. When I asked how close he was to getting divorced, he said it just needed the 'official stamp' for it to be finalised. He also talked about how he was really glad his contract was getting renewed.
This was all a conversation had face to face so although he may have been lying I was able to see his facial expressions...
I hate being so suspicious and my instinct is that it's ok. For now...
Quoted:
Im sorry I had to ask, is there no communication with him whilst he is in Manchester?
Posted by dynomite
Posted by dynomite
Do you feel as though it's going to go somewhere
No to be honest it seems to me if the contact is dying down now then there is not much hope.
When it's comes round to Mondays, he's sooo keen but then it all tails off..
Great sex and nice to have someone but it's making me unhappy for 6 days out of 7 so maybe a lost cause!
Thanks for your questions, helps me to think more clearly..
When it's comes round to Mondays, he's sooo keen but then it all tails off..
Great sex and nice to have someone but it's making me unhappy for 6 days out of 7 so maybe a lost cause!
Thanks for your questions, helps me to think more clearly..
Quoted:
Do you feel as though it's going to go somewhere
Posted by dynomite
Posted by dynomite
I think really you've answered your own questions. It could be that he's only really after one thing, what do you do when you see him on a Monday, sorry for prying!!!
The first few dates he took me out and treated me...last Monday however he was late and then we just had a bottle of wine and had sex. It was good but I felt pretty empty afterwards to be honest.
I have just texted him now anyway, this situation has been driving me crazy, been single for a while and only seem to meet wrong 'uns! I said I didn't feel comfortable with this hot/cold relationship and that I had my suspicions about him being married etc.
I feel good for doing it, not by text but then I doubt he would have answered the phone to me cos he's really busy at work.
Another one down the pan...
I have just texted him now anyway, this situation has been driving me crazy, been single for a while and only seem to meet wrong 'uns! I said I didn't feel comfortable with this hot/cold relationship and that I had my suspicions about him being married etc.
I feel good for doing it, not by text but then I doubt he would have answered the phone to me cos he's really busy at work.
Another one down the pan...
I think you've already decided that it's going nowhere, who want's someone who blows's hot and cold, eventually and given time you will meet the right one, just try and have fun along the way.
Will do, all part of the journey I guess 
Quoted:
I think you've already decided that it's going nowhere, who want's someone who blows's hot and cold, eventually and given time you will meet the right one, just try and have fun along the way.
Posted by dynomite
Posted by dynomite
Whoa! It's only been 3 weeks, that's just 3 Mondays so it's hardly a routine!! And at 3 weeks, it's not a relationship either!
He only has three nights down South, from what you have written - how many nights do you wnt to be seeing him? Not every one of those surely?
Give the guy a break, or decide that a three night a week window is not enough for you and find someone who has more time to spend with you.
Sorry, but I do think you sound on the demanding side... x
I can totally see your point of view. Monday is a bit of a crap night to be going out on a date. You want a Friday or Saturday.
However, I think, given his circs, this is as good as it is going to get even if he is committed because it sounds as if he wants to keep the weekends free for his kids, who, quite understandably, are going to be his priority.
If I were you, I would just find someone without any baggage so you won't be feeling guilty and resentful in equal measures about coming between a man and his children and have all the ensuing arguments.
I think, really, there is no need to be getting into a relationship like this while you are young unless your life's equally complicated and you are likely to understand and really want and have to work around it. You want a simple relationship you can enjoy at this stage of your life.
It's only been 3 wks so it is not as if you have really fallen for this guy and there is no going back. Plenty more fish in the sea.
However, I think, given his circs, this is as good as it is going to get even if he is committed because it sounds as if he wants to keep the weekends free for his kids, who, quite understandably, are going to be his priority.
If I were you, I would just find someone without any baggage so you won't be feeling guilty and resentful in equal measures about coming between a man and his children and have all the ensuing arguments.
I think, really, there is no need to be getting into a relationship like this while you are young unless your life's equally complicated and you are likely to understand and really want and have to work around it. You want a simple relationship you can enjoy at this stage of your life.
It's only been 3 wks so it is not as if you have really fallen for this guy and there is no going back. Plenty more fish in the sea.
i always think that you should follow your instincts, problem with that is its sometimes hard to establish what are instincts and what are your own insecurities or issues
if you decide its not right, you could ask him to call you when the divorce is over and he has some more time as a Monday night thing is not really for you
or
if you carry on seeing him, just take it slowly in your own head and emotionally, dont think of it as anything other than it currently is, a casual one night a week getting to know you thing, if you dont feel good about the sex, slow it down more and say youd prefer to wait till the divorce is through before you pick things up to that level again - do what feels right for you
if you decide its not right, you could ask him to call you when the divorce is over and he has some more time as a Monday night thing is not really for you
or
if you carry on seeing him, just take it slowly in your own head and emotionally, dont think of it as anything other than it currently is, a casual one night a week getting to know you thing, if you dont feel good about the sex, slow it down more and say youd prefer to wait till the divorce is through before you pick things up to that level again - do what feels right for you
<span style="font-size:10px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:14px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="color:#000080;" class="Apple-style-span">"I'm not selling you my baby Nato."<
I agree that 3 weeks isn't long to expect loads of contact if it isn't naturally going that way, but I also think this smells of a married man! If he is separated from his wife its unlikley that he can stay down in Manchester every weekend for contact with his children when his own job/life is in the South! Sounds like a very expensive and impractical arrangement. Also if we are talking about 3 weeks being too soon to expect too much, its also too soon for him to expect to turn up, get laid and leave "because its late".
I agree with Nato that following your instincts is so often the best thing to do. Our instincts tell us a lot if we listen to them!
NEXT ... !
I agree with Nato that following your instincts is so often the best thing to do. Our instincts tell us a lot if we listen to them!
NEXT ... !
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