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Help please...single from today :-(
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Im a 28 , met my other half as he is my friends brother a year and a half ago. It all seemed like a fairytale at the time. I had just come out of a 4 year relationship, and he was 4 years younger than me, single and seemed like a fabulous person.
He is in the army so we spent weekends together, he came home, we met half way and we met where he was based (200 miles away)
Things were great at first, but looking back there were a few warning bells, he didnt like me wearing low cut tops. I have quite big boobs for my size(natural he he) I have never worn anything too revealing anyway but he would always comment and stare and shake his head if Idid and it would make me feel uncomfortable if I did. So I always got changed. He had a thing about my boobs, insisted I wore a bra with every dress when I went out and he said it was his worst nightmare for another man to see my chest(?)
There was also a thing about make up, he made a comment saying did I really need to wear all that for work and I hardly wear any, and heels, said they were bad for my feet and I should stop wearing them.
After three weeks of getting together, I went on holiday with his sister and my sister, there was photos of us in bars, with groups of men, all in good humour, nothing happened and would never happen. I was estatic to be with him!!
We went on a few holidays, I wasnt 'allowed' to go topless. Couldnt be bothered arguing so just didnt do it! When we were on holiday once he started an argument because he insisted I was staring at someone at a bar, I wasnt, I was looking at a woman who was off her trolley! He also used to accuse me of staring at men and if we went into a bar, or restaurant, he would seat me with my back to them so 'I couldnt see'!
We got engaged last September just before he was about to go away with the army. As any girlfriend would be, I was devastated about him going but tried to think of the positives, more time with friends and family and I knew he would be home!!
I tried to be a good fiancee, sending parcels week, letters photos, spending lots of time with his family to keep me closer to him in a way.
I dont go out that much, but when I do its with his sister, say every few months. I noticed that he always caused an argument before I went out but put it down to him being out there.
But since December it got so much worse. The emails of all the things that I have ever done to hurt him started coming through, the issue of facebook(we have had that problem before) He asked me to take all exes off there. No problem, I did that, but he refuses too. He says I have added 18 men in the past few weeks, I havent, a few from school added me.
I have had disgusting emails, calling me all kinds and that he doesnt trust me and I go out in next to nothing and im always all over fellas and im naive??
I would never ever cheat on him, he knows that.
In the last few days I have told him that I cant carry on, that he is making me ill with all of his accusations, Ive stopped eating and cant stop crying as everytime he rings he starts swearing and shouting about my exes etc, I still have a house with an ex that we are trying to sell, but I dont see him, we have both moved on. But I got an email calling me a slut and that he couldnt forgive me for what I had done on holiday!!?? And it was finished, but to admit to everyone what I had done, that would be the decent thing to do?? I havent done anything???
Advice please!! xx
He's a control freak Im afraid and for your own well being you would be better of out of it. Someone who professes to love you wouldn't call you ever name under the sun, my advice would be run for the hillls and don't look back.
Been there done that.
Been there done that.
I think that my reading your post you already know what you need to do - walk away.
As Quentin Crisp once said "don't get involved with anyone who wants to change you" and this man is trying to make you into someone you aren't and you're obviously not happy.
You don't mention what his sister thinks about the situation. Is she aware ? what does she think?
I think it counds like he has a very controlling streak anyway but being away on tour would naturally make it difficult in any relationship and has just made him flip by the sounds of it.
I would definitely just walk away and start regaining a sense of yourself rather than what he wants you to be.
As Loubieloo says, no one that claims to love you should call you names or not trust you when you haven't done anything to deserve it. End it now and cut all contact if thats what it takes to stop the abuse.
x
I would definitely just walk away and start regaining a sense of yourself rather than what he wants you to be.
As Loubieloo says, no one that claims to love you should call you names or not trust you when you haven't done anything to deserve it. End it now and cut all contact if thats what it takes to stop the abuse.
x
he's an abusive control freak who has been emotionally manipulating you. you really really need to run screaming in the other direction from this guy.
you say you love him, but are you sure you don't actually now just want to win his love and approval? how can you love someone who controls you, makes accusations, calls you names and generally makes you feel like sh*t?
i've been there myself, and i remember how i felt and it was awful getting away from him. he'd managed to reduce my self esteem and confidence to nil, and my life revolved around getting a good word from him.
life is so much better without him, and your life would be to. please break free and get yourself some counselling. what he's doing to you is evil and wrong, and not the actions of someone who loves you.
loving you means he'd want to make you happy and he'd not care about you wearing what you want, doing what you want and he'd be encouraging you to go out and have fun.
wanting to possess you is different. that's when he considers you to be his property to do with as he wants and to control as he sees fit.
this man does not love you. he wants to possess you. do you want to be in a loveless relationship?
please please find the strength to break free.
you say you love him, but are you sure you don't actually now just want to win his love and approval? how can you love someone who controls you, makes accusations, calls you names and generally makes you feel like sh*t?
i've been there myself, and i remember how i felt and it was awful getting away from him. he'd managed to reduce my self esteem and confidence to nil, and my life revolved around getting a good word from him.
life is so much better without him, and your life would be to. please break free and get yourself some counselling. what he's doing to you is evil and wrong, and not the actions of someone who loves you.
loving you means he'd want to make you happy and he'd not care about you wearing what you want, doing what you want and he'd be encouraging you to go out and have fun.
wanting to possess you is different. that's when he considers you to be his property to do with as he wants and to control as he sees fit.
this man does not love you. he wants to possess you. do you want to be in a loveless relationship?
please please find the strength to break free.
Thanks everyone... just spent the day in bed...reflecting.... and I know what everyone is saying is right.
his sister is mad with him for doing this but I know when he comes back he will just twist everything, but at least I know I havent done anything wrong. I just feel crushed.
xx
his sister is mad with him for doing this but I know when he comes back he will just twist everything, but at least I know I havent done anything wrong. I just feel crushed.
xx
Run, run, run ............. you say you saw a FEW WARNING BELLS ?? ......... more like a pile of huge church bells smacking your round the head.
Get out of there, he is an abusive control freak. I would also make sure your not alone. This is the kind of guy that doesn't like being broken up with and is likely to come round with the chainsaw.
Get out of there, he is an abusive control freak. I would also make sure your not alone. This is the kind of guy that doesn't like being broken up with and is likely to come round with the chainsaw.
Quoted:
I would also make sure your not alone. This is the kind of guy that doesn't like being broken up with and is likely to come round with the chainsaw.
Posted by Rebecca_M22
Posted by Rebecca_M22
WTF?? This is a ridiculous comment, and about as unhelpful as could possibly be! Rebecca, please choose your words more carefully.
Sparkly GreenEyes - would you let a friend treat you/ talk to you that way? No. So you shouldn't accept it from someone who is supposed to love you. You have a choice to accept it, or not.
Please choose not to - he sounds like a nightmare, and although I don't know you, I'm sure you deserve better. Everyone does.
Chin up honey, break ups are hard, but you'll get over him wiht time - and probably less than you think, when you are no longer having to spend your life on a knife edge wondering what kind of abuse you are going to receive on email every day...
From what you've said he sounds very much like the sort of man that over time could become violent unless you bow to his every demand and these demands would just get bigger.
He's very insecure and you can't help him.
He's very insecure and you can't help him.
you got lucky that he finished it with you. no contact and never ever let a man tell you how to look. i thought this was 2010.
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