Opinions on new situtation....

Hi all,

I am hoping you can give me some advice on my current situation. Mr Kiki has recently moved into a new flat with his housemates (not with me) but I am having deep reservations about wanting to go to this new place for a few reasons. He is sharing with two other guys (so theres the 3 of them) and I often at his old place used to stay over 3-4 times a week as I live quite far away from where I work and Mr Kikis house is nearer. I also live with my parents so its makes sense to spend more time at Mr Kikis place than him at mine IFYSWIM.

I work shifts so Mr Kiki and myself never start at the same time in the mornings- him at 9am, me at 10 or 11 usually- I also have days off during the week where as he works 9-5 office hours. His housemate has already said that despite this incovienence of starting at different times I cannot have my own key to let myself out. Even though this would make it easier anyway on all of us as there is only one bathroom and we all need to use it before 8am ever morning.

At his old place I had my own key but his housemate was never happy about it. Mr Kiki and him have discussed it (when I'm not there obviously!) and the housemate is adament I cant have my own key because A) I dont live there and B) I dont pay rent- thats his only argument. When Mr kiki suggested it might be easier for us he just says thats not his 'problem' (Charming!)

I am pretty annoyed tbh and Mr Kiki knows it too. I feel its quite petty really, I mean I live at home with my parents and god knows how many people have keys to our house! Grandparents, the cleaner...loads. I mean what negative consequences are there for him if I have my own key?

My other concern is that between three boys and myself (when/if) I stay over- there is only one bathroom. His old place was en suite. All this is kind of not wanting me to go over or stay over much really. Mr Kiki says he will talk to housemate again but in the meantime I am expected to just put up with it really.

I am not happy. Does anyone think I am being unreasonable about this? Should I be expected to leave with Mr Kiki even when I start work two hours after him. I can go into town (I work in town) but thats beside the point really isnt it?

I certainly wouldnt allow any housemate of mine to give a partner keys...sorry. As you said, the old housemate didnt like it either. I would hate for someone to be able to come and go as they please. That stops them being a guest.....

I also wouldn't be pleased about the partner being there regularly without the housemate.

Living with housemates is difficult, and having partners makes it doubly as difficult.

But yes, I think you're being a little unreasonable, although I understand your frustration.

Hi Jo

Just to clarify- the old and new housemate is the same person, so its not that his other hosuemate didnt like it either. His other housemate doesnt have a problem with it. I think its a little unfair really, whatever his principles are on housemates staying over, its not like I need the key for anything other than to let myself out a couple of hours later.

I wouldn't be happy about a housemate's partner having their own key. I can see your point that it's frustrating, but staying over a lot when you don't pay rent might be quite annoying to your OH's housemates. They pay for the place, including the use of the bathroom, so for you to be clogging it up in the mornings too, and to be there when your OH isn't, can't be nice for them.

I'm sorry, but I agree with them...

and the housemate is adament I cant have my own key because A) I dont live there and B) I dont pay rent- thats his only argument


But they are two strong arguments!

Kind of agree with the housemate to be honest - I had a similar request from an ex-flatmate because she was working long hours at the time and her boyfriend who always finished at 5pm was having to hang around places and I gave the same answer - not my problem. I hated the idea of someone being able to come and go as they please and potentially wandering round the place when I wasn't there. If you don't live there or pay rent, then you don't have a right to a key.

It can also invalidate insurance if non-relatives have a key.

Sorry - you may have to work this out or accept that it's going to be a bit different from now on. Do the other housemates have girlfriends?

Sorry kiki but I also agree with the housemate, as frustrating as it is for you.

Probably not a solution, but would it be possible to put a Yale type lock on the front door so that it locks when it closes without needing to actually use a key to lock up once you are outside if you know what i mean? Dunno if they would go for that, but is the only solution I can think of right now...

You could go 'traditional' and date properly (without staying over all the time)......

Sorry Kiki I'm another one who agrees with the housemate!

Sorry Kiki me too. And I certainly wouldn't want a flatmates OH being in my home without their partner - no matter how much I liked them.

You pay rent and you have a right to a say... you don't pay rent and you don't.

And whilst I can appreciate it's not a great situation - your needs come 4th... behind Mr Kiki and the housemates as they live there.

Sorry Dude

Yeah i'm with the housemates - although it sucks for you.

I lived with 5 other people and one of them had a serious gf - to be fair we all had partners stay over at one time or another but she was pretty much living there, cooking in the kitchen and chilling out in the living room even when Dan wasn't home, using our bathroom in the mornings, meaning that there wasn't enough hot water for all of us. One extra person makes all the difference.

Any chance you can move out of home and get your own place near to work and near to Mr Kiki? I guess the housemate agreed to move in with your bf, not you as well.

Maybe there are certain things this housemate would be cool with - a key sounds like it isn't one of them. Maybe your bf can sit down with him and say ok, how can we compromise so that everyone's cool with this situation.

I have to agree with you Jo. Unfortunately for you Kiki, the house isn't your home, it is a home that your boyfriend shares with other people and you are a guest. From the sounds of it they are not happy about you being there so often, hence the whole not having a key thing. If you don't pay to live there you don't have any rights to have a key, to stay over all the time or come and go as you please. I understand your frustration, I live in a house share myself. If this issue has come up with you staying over and the keys at your boyfriends previous house, I am bit surprised he didnt mention the restrictions and I guess the inconvenience it would mean for you before he decided to move in again with them somewhere else?

I agree with the other posts, they're paying the rent and all the bills so it's their house and their say. When they get home they're only expecting their mates to be around, not gfs as well which would make them less comfortable in their own home which isn't fair.

Staying over 3/4 nights a week seems like a lot to me, especially if you're not contributing to bills. It might not seem like much but the extra water, leccy etc all adds up. Maybe offer to contribute some money for bills would make his flatmates happier?

I'm afraid I agree with everyone else. IMO, staying over in someone else's home for 3-4 nights a week is excessive and it sounds like the housemates have had enough.