A few months ago I walked away from close friendships with two people because their treatment of me with leading me to feel like a second class person.
There was a lot of selfishness, ignorance, nastiness, talking behind my back all leading from my the fact I'd chosen to briefly date Girl A's male friend (she'd set us up but changed her mind when she realised it could go somewhere and made it quite clear to me that she wanted us to split, which eventually we did). Very playgroundish I know.
I was incredibly stressed out by everything that was going on and had come to the conclusion that if I wouldn't let a man treat me so badly, I would let work colleagues treat me badly - why should I let two other people treat me badly. Just because of a claim to be friends.
I made the decision and went through with it because although it was a very difficult thing to do, having sought counselling to help me figure things out in my head I knew it was the only way things would ever change and the only way I would start to reclaim my confidence.
Anyway, to the point Girl A text me last night. Not a "Hi How are you, not spoken to you in an age - oh and do you know???". A very blunt "I need to know the name of a hotel". I debated about whether to respond but did because I didn't want to be rude and said that it was such a long time ago that I couldn't remember.
I don't know what the point of my post is. I'm just....... confused I guess. We haven't spoken in so long that I don't understand why she text me now? As it clearly wasn't too build bridges.
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hi kels
i was thinking the same as sats - maybe it was a kind of ice-breaker for her, trying to to initiate some contact, but she wasn�t sure of how to go about it. i was thinking the hotel question sounded like a bit of an excuse to send a text! maybe she realises how shitty she was to you, and it�s her attempt at a peace-making offer.
saying that - the ball is completely in your court. i�d be careful..if you�ve got your life together and you�re in a good place WITHOUT this girl, i�d say leave it. you don�t need all the stress and baggage you had previously when you were friends with her..
keep us updated - good luck x
i was thinking the same as sats - maybe it was a kind of ice-breaker for her, trying to to initiate some contact, but she wasn�t sure of how to go about it. i was thinking the hotel question sounded like a bit of an excuse to send a text! maybe she realises how shitty she was to you, and it�s her attempt at a peace-making offer.
saying that - the ball is completely in your court. i�d be careful..if you�ve got your life together and you�re in a good place WITHOUT this girl, i�d say leave it. you don�t need all the stress and baggage you had previously when you were friends with her..
keep us updated - good luck x
maybe it WAS to build bridges, but she doesn't know how??
Hey, thanks for the replies. I did wonder if it was an ice-breaker attempt but as I replied to her last night (rather than ignore it) and didn't get a response.................
SDRR, Thinking about it - I am in a good place these days without this pair of girls in my life so I guess it's a moot point anyway. I think I was just confused/ wondering what goes on in people's heads.
These past 3 months have been so different, I'm really starting to kick my (ridiculously) long-term depression, am trying new things (have taken up martial arts and just passed my first grading / gained a yellow belt) and am way happier / content than I have been in a very long time. So there is no way I want to put myself back in a situation / friendship that basically entails me being made to feel rubbish all the time.
SDRR, Thinking about it - I am in a good place these days without this pair of girls in my life so I guess it's a moot point anyway. I think I was just confused/ wondering what goes on in people's heads.
These past 3 months have been so different, I'm really starting to kick my (ridiculously) long-term depression, am trying new things (have taken up martial arts and just passed my first grading / gained a yellow belt) and am way happier / content than I have been in a very long time. So there is no way I want to put myself back in a situation / friendship that basically entails me being made to feel rubbish all the time.
remind me not to mess with you Karate Kel 
So glad to hear things are good for you and fair play to you for making that happen. Given your second post, I would say keep doing what you're doing and don't look back. Ever onwards my sweet, especially as you are doing so well
So glad to hear things are good for you and fair play to you for making that happen. Given your second post, I would say keep doing what you're doing and don't look back. Ever onwards my sweet, especially as you are doing so well
yo Kel
I am in a good place these days without this pair of girls in my life
i think thats the bottom line
if its true that shes made an attempt to engage you in dialogue through that text, i think that it demonstrates the nature how shes behaved and is still behaving - its a pretty unhealthy way of building bridges, or a closed, shut down, detached way of doing it at best, and id question if i wanted to accept that was a way back to friendship if it demonstrates the nature of the friendship to be rebuilt.
I am in a good place these days without this pair of girls in my life
i think thats the bottom line
if its true that shes made an attempt to engage you in dialogue through that text, i think that it demonstrates the nature how shes behaved and is still behaving - its a pretty unhealthy way of building bridges, or a closed, shut down, detached way of doing it at best, and id question if i wanted to accept that was a way back to friendship if it demonstrates the nature of the friendship to be rebuilt.
<span style="font-size:10px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:14px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="color:#000080;" class="Apple-style-span">"I'm not selling you my baby Nato."<
Hurrah that you're feeling better and boo that you've not been on the Bag for a while - bad Kelly!
If you don't want to build bridges - and I don't blame you if you don't; if you do then make sure it's on your terms - then just leaver her to her odd random texts. Like you said - you wouldn't put up with it from a bloke would you!
I'm so pleased you're feeling better, concentrate on that and don't let anything else set you back
xx
If you don't want to build bridges - and I don't blame you if you don't; if you do then make sure it's on your terms - then just leaver her to her odd random texts. Like you said - you wouldn't put up with it from a bloke would you!
I'm so pleased you're feeling better, concentrate on that and don't let anything else set you back
xx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />And no, it already being dead isn't much better. You still <br /><br /><font size="6">ATE A MOTH!!</font> <img src="http://community.handbag.com/ve
Hi Ange - lol I know!! I've been naughty and lurking in dark corners rather than posting. Very cosy in the dark corners you know!!
Nates that is exactly what I was thinking. If you were trying to re-engage with someone what an odd way to do it. A half-hearted not to fussed attempt and I'm worth way more than that. P.s. Congrats on your impending arrival (I can't remember if I de-lurked before to post that)
Sats, I wouldn't worry too much. Being a beginner I'm still way more likely to hit myself than anyone else!!!
Nates that is exactly what I was thinking. If you were trying to re-engage with someone what an odd way to do it. A half-hearted not to fussed attempt and I'm worth way more than that. P.s. Congrats on your impending arrival (I can't remember if I de-lurked before to post that)
Sats, I wouldn't worry too much. Being a beginner I'm still way more likely to hit myself than anyone else!!!
Kelly - I'm pleased that you're feeling more positive and sorry to hijack but I'm having a similar situation with a friend of mine and I'm not sure to cut ties or work through etc.
We met through work 15 years ago and have been great friends since then. We had a "hiccup" 7 years ago when I had a breakdown and we were both going through difficult personal situations but our friendship survived until recently when she has been behaving very strangely. The recently problem, according to her, is because I shut her out when I split from ex. I didn't shut her out but when I did try to talk to her I felt that she was dishing out tough love which at the time wasn't what I needed but instead of tough love I just needed love !!!
I apologised for my behaviour (although wasn't sure I actually needed to) but since then things have still been very stilted and I can't seem to get back to normal with her. Do I keep trying or do I sit back and see what happens ?
God, sorry to hijack just wondered what made you decide to cut the ties
We met through work 15 years ago and have been great friends since then. We had a "hiccup" 7 years ago when I had a breakdown and we were both going through difficult personal situations but our friendship survived until recently when she has been behaving very strangely. The recently problem, according to her, is because I shut her out when I split from ex. I didn't shut her out but when I did try to talk to her I felt that she was dishing out tough love which at the time wasn't what I needed but instead of tough love I just needed love !!!
I apologised for my behaviour (although wasn't sure I actually needed to) but since then things have still been very stilted and I can't seem to get back to normal with her. Do I keep trying or do I sit back and see what happens ?
God, sorry to hijack just wondered what made you decide to cut the ties
I think you did the right thing Kels by cutting them out of your life and you are obviously much more happy now. By the sounds of her text and the sort of person she is, i bet she was waiting for you to make a first move in mending the relationship. When it didn't happen she gave up. These girls sound like control freaks and bullies and you are better off away from them i'm sure.
me-at-work, i think you need to look at whether there is anything worth salvaging in your friendship. If you think there is, and fifteen years is a long time, maybe you could it down with your friend and have a good old cards on the table talk. Tell her how you feel and that you felt unsupported during your split, she may be feeling some things that you are unaware of, but at the moment sounds like you are both a bit hurt and clashing because no one really knows what the problem is.
xx
me-at-work, i think you need to look at whether there is anything worth salvaging in your friendship. If you think there is, and fifteen years is a long time, maybe you could it down with your friend and have a good old cards on the table talk. Tell her how you feel and that you felt unsupported during your split, she may be feeling some things that you are unaware of, but at the moment sounds like you are both a bit hurt and clashing because no one really knows what the problem is.
xx
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