Hi All,
I used post here until all the changes, now I'm more of a lurker. I really valued the advice I used get so thought I'd rejoin & try again.
O.k. I went out with a guy "properly" for about 18 months. He then said he didn't know if he could ever commit at least not with me. We broke up. We then had an on again, off again thing for another 18 months. (I know I was stoooopid), eventually I told him I just couldn't do it anymore & told him to go away. He was very hard to shake, he got the message in the end & I Haven't heard from him in about 2,5 years.
A week ago he texted me asking to meet, I was a bit pee eyed at the time & said sure why not.
I'm now having second thoughts. He hurt me hugely & at the end I felt totally used by him. I felt that it wasn't just a relationship that didn't work out but that he used & manipulted me (although I did let him).
I'm to meet him for lunch on Sunday but asking myself why bother. mostly I'm just curious, about what he wants from me & a tiny bit of me wants him to see hoe fab I look now.
I have no feelings for him good or bad. So what do you think?\
BTW we're not kids, I'm 40, he's 50.
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Should I meet the ex or no?
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i'd probably go, show him what he's missing, listen to what he has to say and then walk away feeling great.....
or i'd cancel and tell him i'd thought it about it and i value my weekends too much to waste a day on an ex....
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Rank: Slouch Bag
Quoted:
. I have no feelings for him good or bad. So what do you think?\.
Posted by madambatty
Posted by madambatty
At the moment maybe you don't, but what after you've seen him again?? COULD you just say ciao and walk away or would you want to go down that road again?
I agree with Ceammi... ex's tend to pop up like this every now and again but personally I would either not bother or do exactly that... show him what he is missing and then leave. If he has hurt you before then he is most likely looking for a new way in.
Quoted:
I agree with Ceammi... ex's tend to pop up like this every now and again but personally I would either not bother or do exactly that... show him what he is missing and then leave. If he has hurt you before then he is most likely looking for a new way in.
Posted by missinquisitive
Posted by missinquisitive
Thanks all for your replies, I wanted to check my thinking. I was thinking of meeting him & arranging to meet a friend immediately afterwards. If on the morning I don't feel like it I'll cancel.
he thought me some great lessons in a way, I'll never let myself be manipulated in that way again.
It sounds to me that your instincts are telling you that this is a bad idea, so I'd say don't go and meet him. After all you were obviously very drawn to this guy in the past, can you be sure he won't push the same buttons and you'll become drawn in again if you meet him? If you are sure, then meet him if you want to, if you are not, leave it in the past.
Quoted:
It sounds to me that your instincts are telling you that this is a bad idea, so I'd say don't go and meet him. After all you were obviously very drawn to this guy in the past, can you be sure he won't push the same buttons and you'll become drawn in again if you meet him? If you are sure, then meet him if you want to, if you are not, leave it in the past.
Posted by stella2
Posted by stella2
Good point Stella. He's been texting me every day saying how much he's looking forward to meeting. I haven't replied. I'm a bit incredulous really - does he remember something different to me?
I suppose I want a sort of triumph for me if that makes sense?
I also don't want to be one of those people who ask for advice then don't listen!!
He works for the same company as me, he's been working in another city for the last 2 years hence why I haven't seen him. He'll be back in the same building so I think I'd have to meet him for a few minutes at some stage to say "nice to see you but stay away"!
In that case I'd just go for always taking extra time to look hoit for work and let it be an accidental encounter. He can then sigh and realise what he blew!
Quoted:
In that case I'd just go for always taking extra time to look hoit for work and let it be an accidental encounter. He can then sigh and realise what he blew!
Posted by stella2
Posted by stella2
ha, I should be doing that anyway (always looking my best). Thanks Stella.
I did of course mean to type 'hot'!
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