Hi All,
I used post here until all the changes, now I'm more of a lurker. I really valued the advice I used get so thought I'd rejoin & try again.
O.k. I went out with a guy "properly" for about 18 months. He then said he didn't know if he could ever commit at least not with me. We broke up. We then had an on again, off again thing for another 18 months. (I know I was stoooopid), eventually I told him I just couldn't do it anymore & told him to go away. He was very hard to shake, he got the message in the end & I Haven't heard from him in about 2,5 years.
A week ago he texted me asking to meet, I was a bit pee eyed at the time & said sure why not.
I'm now having second thoughts. He hurt me hugely & at the end I felt totally used by him. I felt that it wasn't just a relationship that didn't work out but that he used & manipulted me (although I did let him).
I'm to meet him for lunch on Sunday but asking myself why bother. mostly I'm just curious, about what he wants from me & a tiny bit of me wants him to see hoe fab I look now.
I have no feelings for him good or bad. So what do you think?\
BTW we're not kids, I'm 40, he's 50.
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Should I meet the ex or no?
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i'd probably go, show him what he's missing, listen to what he has to say and then walk away feeling great.....
or i'd cancel and tell him i'd thought it about it and i value my weekends too much to waste a day on an ex....
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Rank: Slouch Bag
Quoted:
. I have no feelings for him good or bad. So what do you think?\.
Posted by madambatty
Posted by madambatty
At the moment maybe you don't, but what after you've seen him again?? COULD you just say ciao and walk away or would you want to go down that road again?
I agree with Ceammi... ex's tend to pop up like this every now and again but personally I would either not bother or do exactly that... show him what he is missing and then leave. If he has hurt you before then he is most likely looking for a new way in.
Quoted:
I agree with Ceammi... ex's tend to pop up like this every now and again but personally I would either not bother or do exactly that... show him what he is missing and then leave. If he has hurt you before then he is most likely looking for a new way in.
Posted by missinquisitive
Posted by missinquisitive
Thanks all for your replies, I wanted to check my thinking. I was thinking of meeting him & arranging to meet a friend immediately afterwards. If on the morning I don't feel like it I'll cancel.
he thought me some great lessons in a way, I'll never let myself be manipulated in that way again.
It sounds to me that your instincts are telling you that this is a bad idea, so I'd say don't go and meet him. After all you were obviously very drawn to this guy in the past, can you be sure he won't push the same buttons and you'll become drawn in again if you meet him? If you are sure, then meet him if you want to, if you are not, leave it in the past.
Quoted:
It sounds to me that your instincts are telling you that this is a bad idea, so I'd say don't go and meet him. After all you were obviously very drawn to this guy in the past, can you be sure he won't push the same buttons and you'll become drawn in again if you meet him? If you are sure, then meet him if you want to, if you are not, leave it in the past.
Posted by stella2
Posted by stella2
Good point Stella. He's been texting me every day saying how much he's looking forward to meeting. I haven't replied. I'm a bit incredulous really - does he remember something different to me?
I suppose I want a sort of triumph for me if that makes sense?
I also don't want to be one of those people who ask for advice then don't listen!!
He works for the same company as me, he's been working in another city for the last 2 years hence why I haven't seen him. He'll be back in the same building so I think I'd have to meet him for a few minutes at some stage to say "nice to see you but stay away"!
In that case I'd just go for always taking extra time to look hoit for work and let it be an accidental encounter. He can then sigh and realise what he blew!
Quoted:
In that case I'd just go for always taking extra time to look hoit for work and let it be an accidental encounter. He can then sigh and realise what he blew!
Posted by stella2
Posted by stella2
ha, I should be doing that anyway (always looking my best). Thanks Stella.
I did of course mean to type 'hot'!
I think your idea of meeting a friend immediately after is EXCELLENT idea as is your idea that if you don't feel like it in morning then cancel but if you're going to bump into each other at work then I think a planned meeting is much better option as you'll have time to prepare yourself (outfit and make-up as well as mentally).
Can't wait to find out how you get on x
Can't wait to find out how you get on x
I'm confiused...Are you bored? Do you want this bloke back? Do you want to be friends with him again?
I don't see what the point is in spending time and energy to look great for someone that, by the sounds of it, you are better off without.
I don't see what the point is in spending time and energy to look great for someone that, by the sounds of it, you are better off without.
Bagging since Feb 2002
http://vintagehuntress.blogspot.com
http://vintagehuntress.blogspot.com
I can understand the attraction to meeting him again, but do think its a bad idea.
Too easy to get sucked back in, I think. Iknow that I woudl be suspectible to that.
Too easy to get sucked back in, I think. Iknow that I woudl be suspectible to that.
Quoted:
I can understand the attraction to meeting him again, but do think its a bad idea. Too easy to get sucked back in, I think. Iknow that I woudl be suspectible to that.
Posted by satsumakitten
Posted by satsumakitten
Thanks for the new replies.
To try to explain (& maybe this is as much for myself), this guy meant a lot to me, he didn't want a proper relationship. I have now moved on and look back at my time with him as though I'm now a different person. He wants to make contact. I have no doubt that he's going to want to "get in there" in some way. I definitely don't want any part of him, I woin't get sucked in as I'm a different person.
I think Jess asked if I'm a bit bored, I am a bit this weekend as I was due to go to New Zealand but it didn't work out & then hill walking & same thin g . So wasn't even due to be at home this weekend.
I suppose I want to lay things to rest with him. Just to reinforce that I'm not the same woman who took all his crap. Specially as he's going to be around in work.,
I think if I didn't have to work with him I'd just ignore him. I don't wa nt him following me around in work (as he did before).
Thanks all again, this is like therapy & really helpful in clarifying my thinking!
glad it's helped batty...sometimes just typing it out helps you to make sense.
Keep us posted now y'hear? x
Keep us posted now y'hear? x
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