hello. it's been a while since my last post. been needing to vent for some time now. i have been feeling very alone, misunderstood and disliked. for years i have struggled with making friends, most of the friends i do have i have known since childhood. i have never been very good at making idle conversation and i never make a good first impression. i can honestly say that not very many people like me. i probably only have about 5 close friends. i'm usually very quiet in group situations and tend to have more serious conversation, i notice i do better in one-on-one situations, but even then it can be awkward. i am approaching 30 and i realise i don't want to continue on in this way, but i don't know how to change it. i get anxious before i go out, and tend to have to drink a few in order to relax myself. i've been on anti-depressants off and on, at the moment i'm not taking anything, would really like to conquer this without the medication.
i'm an only child and often wonder if that's a contributing factor. i'm not a confident person and at times am very easy to jump to conclusions and 'write people off'.
i want to be a happier person, more friendly and approachable. bottom line, i really don't want to be me any more. i wish i was a different person. more open to new things, new people, new experiences. i want friends, i want to be liked. but what are the tools? where to i begin? what do i do? always grateful for any insight.
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feeling alone within myself
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I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say you're not alone in how you feel, I too have wanted to post about feeling like this but couldn't put it into words as well as you have. Like I said I've no advice for you I'm afraid but I send you a hug
Sorry, what an unhelpful post that was!!
x
Sorry, what an unhelpful post that was!!
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Hi Wave. I sometimes feel like this, although I have some really good friends, like you they are my oldest friends, and with new people, work colleagues I do sometimes feel very misunderstood. I am working through these feelings and various other life experiences with a counsellor, and it's helping. I can't say I have the answers either, but I do know that more often than not it is how you percieve yourself, rather than how others percieve you. If you go into a new situation, warey, closed off, unsure, defensive etc that will come out in your body language and automatically people will cool off thinking you are being frosty with them. On the other hand, drinking to relax and build cofidence, and yes I've done this too, can have drastic effects in that you go over the top and come across as a drunk or OTT. I would say that you have to work at being happy with yourself and 'loving' yourself first and then this will then transfer to other people. I know it is easier said than done, but I think one of the keys is to be pro active rather than reactive. I hope this makes sense. Good luck hun xx
Can you try some counselling wave?
What self help books have you read? I can't receommend anything particularly, bu a quick search on Amazon should churn out some ideas.
You are taking the first step towards making things better by receognising that you want to make changes, so pat yourself on the back for that. Really.
btw, I think 5 real, proper close friends is not an insignificant number!
What self help books have you read? I can't receommend anything particularly, bu a quick search on Amazon should churn out some ideas.
You are taking the first step towards making things better by receognising that you want to make changes, so pat yourself on the back for that. Really.
btw, I think 5 real, proper close friends is not an insignificant number!
thank you all for posting. i haven't actually bought any self-help books quote yet, i have gone to counselling in the past, that's when the medication was introduced. i must admit i haven't really loved myself in a very long time, i've always found i'm a naturally negative person which doesn't help my situation. i have a lot of abandonment issues and it's almost as if i put on a tough exterior to try and hide it, but it only makes things worse. then i get to a point where i think, 'this is me, take it or leave it' and that obviously doesn't work either. i've always thought that those who really care will stick around, but most don't. all i can do is try. hopefully something will change.
A good counseller will only turn to medication when it's necessary to stabilise a patient sufficient for counselling to work (in my opinion). A good counseller has faith in what they practise.
CBT is "popular" at the moment but is arguably putting rose-tinted glasses on a situation. There are many other types of therapy out there and the sad fact is that it may take a few to find one that works for you.
I wish you the very best of luck.
CBT is "popular" at the moment but is arguably putting rose-tinted glasses on a situation. There are many other types of therapy out there and the sad fact is that it may take a few to find one that works for you.
I wish you the very best of luck.
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