Hi
Some of you may remember my previous posts about my partner, charged for manslaughter several years ago (before he met me) and now a reformed character, stable life, good job etc.
Basically, he recently told my parents about his conviction as we felt that with us planning to be together long term, they deserved to know. He no longer lives in the area where the incident happened and avoids being around people related to the incident.
My parents have pretty much given me an ultimatum. Them or him. My family are worried that there could be repercussions as a result of me being with him and that it is generally not safe for us to be together.
I cant bear to be apart from him. He is honestly such a decent person, a good guy that I wholeheartedly love. We have been together for almost a year and I would honestly move to be with him which we had discussed.
I understand my parents concern; I dont want to hurt them or be apart but I am confident that the relationship will work. They are completely unsupportive of this and worry that there could be a threat to them (they live in the area where the incident happened)
My relationship with my parents has been typically good, however I worry that this could tear us apart. We are both in our 20's, sensible and realistic about what the future holds if we stay together. My dad worries that this isnt the life he anticipated for me and I appreciate that but I honestly feel that my bf is the person for me.
Has anybody ever gone against the advice of the family to be with a partner? Did it work? We have even spoken of relocating abroad if necessary. I just feel so torn.
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I havent seen your previous posts - could you post a link to your other thread?
They are completely unsupportive of this and worry that there could be a threat to them (they live in the area where the incident happened)
why do they think this? on the face of it, its not an unreasonable worry, trouble attracts trouble and no matter how reformed he is, Im sure that there are people in his past who arent reformed, and people in his past who arent over what he did. You and he might have come to terms with it, but the people in this area might not have come to terms with it.
I dont want to hurt them or be apart but I am confident that the relationship will work.
if they are concerned about any threat, whether the relationship might work is irrelevant to the threat
however this:
My dad worries that this isnt the life he anticipated for me
is less reasonable, as its your choice what life you choose, but i think the fact that your choices might impact their life is something you should also be concerned about. Why are you unconcerned about a possible threat to them? How is it unreasonable that they fear threat do you think? Have there been any repercussions from the manslaughter? How do you know there wont be repercussions on your parents - your bf has moved away, why did he do that if there is no threat for eg...and by threat, that could cover anything from physical threat to being villified or socially outcast, to just plain old gossip, which you shouldnt underestimate the power of within communities
Many people just want a quiet life, and any infringement on that feels like a disruption to them that they wont want, and being associated with this as its their area is something that looks to be very unwelcome to them.
They are completely unsupportive of this and worry that there could be a threat to them (they live in the area where the incident happened)
why do they think this? on the face of it, its not an unreasonable worry, trouble attracts trouble and no matter how reformed he is, Im sure that there are people in his past who arent reformed, and people in his past who arent over what he did. You and he might have come to terms with it, but the people in this area might not have come to terms with it.
I dont want to hurt them or be apart but I am confident that the relationship will work.
if they are concerned about any threat, whether the relationship might work is irrelevant to the threat
however this:
My dad worries that this isnt the life he anticipated for me
is less reasonable, as its your choice what life you choose, but i think the fact that your choices might impact their life is something you should also be concerned about. Why are you unconcerned about a possible threat to them? How is it unreasonable that they fear threat do you think? Have there been any repercussions from the manslaughter? How do you know there wont be repercussions on your parents - your bf has moved away, why did he do that if there is no threat for eg...and by threat, that could cover anything from physical threat to being villified or socially outcast, to just plain old gossip, which you shouldnt underestimate the power of within communities
Many people just want a quiet life, and any infringement on that feels like a disruption to them that they wont want, and being associated with this as its their area is something that looks to be very unwelcome to them.
<span style="font-size:10px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:14px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="color:#000080;" class="Apple-style-span">"I'm not selling you my baby Nato."<
I don;'t remember either - can you post a link ??
Well dang, I found my original profile and sign in ! Tis me !
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
Yes, please post link so we can understand the circumstances of his conviction.
I agree with Nato that if there is a genuine fear of repercussions for your family (and you) then I can understand their concern but if it is just a concern that this is the life/partner they hoped for you then you need to keep talking to them.
I struggle to understand when people insist on ultimatums of him or us because surely if you love the person you want them be happy and support them unconditionally. Maybe this is a knee jerk reaction from your parents and given time to think and discuss it all properly they may be more supportive but I'd be interested to know more about their concerns/threats etc.
I agree with Nato that if there is a genuine fear of repercussions for your family (and you) then I can understand their concern but if it is just a concern that this is the life/partner they hoped for you then you need to keep talking to them.
I struggle to understand when people insist on ultimatums of him or us because surely if you love the person you want them be happy and support them unconditionally. Maybe this is a knee jerk reaction from your parents and given time to think and discuss it all properly they may be more supportive but I'd be interested to know more about their concerns/threats etc.
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