Just a quick one - my birthday party is next week, and the bloke I had some dalliances with rang me up on Tuesday to catch up, and to see how things were. He asked if there were B & Bs nearby, as the do is in a small village. I said yes, and that I'd send him info. Yesterday I texted him saying if he wanted to stay with us he'd be welcome, as we will all just walk home from the party. He replied that he doesn't want to impose, and will sort something out!!!!!!! (I didn't reply to this because it doesn't warrant a response)
This, coupled with the fact he went abroad fo 4 days and didn't tell me, sends out very clear signals. The thing is, I don't really want him at my party anymore as it's going to be awkward for both of us. So how do I tell him? I know he will be up North for a few days, so is it rude to text him saying don't worry about coming down as it's silly to drive so far for a few hours? Is there a way of saying it politely so that we both come out of it without red faces? I don't know how to "uninvite" someone and he doesn't know how to decline, and the last thing I need is stress and embarrassment at my party particularly when I am liable to burst into tears at any second anyway.
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How to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation
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I'd text something like "Don't worry if you can't make it, we can always catch up another time."
Although I am crap at situations like this, so you probably shouldn't take advice from me.
Although I am crap at situations like this, so you probably shouldn't take advice from me.
There's no real nice way of uninviting someone so either you just say something like 'I've been thinking about my birthday party and I'd prefer you not to be there', or you bite the bullet and put up with him being at the party.
it's my birthday next week too Lils.
We must be zodiac-alikes.
sounds like he does want to be there – surely if he didn't, he would make up an excuse?
We must be zodiac-alikes.
sounds like he does want to be there – surely if he didn't, he would make up an excuse?
Mine's a few days after, WWS but yes we'll both be Cancerians! Tough exterior, soft on the inside.
He is OK coming to the party, but he has made excuses about not staying with me - "not wanting to impose" my arse - which is excruciatingly embarrassing for both of us! So I don't want him there at all, quite frankly. I don't want to put up with anyone at my party but I know uninviting him straight out is rude, so I hoped I might be able to hint.
He is OK coming to the party, but he has made excuses about not staying with me - "not wanting to impose" my arse - which is excruciatingly embarrassing for both of us! So I don't want him there at all, quite frankly. I don't want to put up with anyone at my party but I know uninviting him straight out is rude, so I hoped I might be able to hint.
Well, you now him better than me obviously, but is there a remote chance he does actually want to be there, and the 'doesn't want to impose' thing is him testing the waters, to see how welcome he is?
I mean, are you absolutely certain he wouldn't rather stay at yours?
Anyway, if you don't want him there, I'd be blunt and tell him. I've stopped mincing my words to be honest. I'd call him and tell him you'd rather him not be there, and why.
If he's actually quite keen to see you, it'll give him a chance to fight his corner and put you straight. If he doesn't, then you've got what you wanted, and you can feel good about how straightforwardly you handled it.
I mean, are you absolutely certain he wouldn't rather stay at yours?
Anyway, if you don't want him there, I'd be blunt and tell him. I've stopped mincing my words to be honest. I'd call him and tell him you'd rather him not be there, and why.
If he's actually quite keen to see you, it'll give him a chance to fight his corner and put you straight. If he doesn't, then you've got what you wanted, and you can feel good about how straightforwardly you handled it.
Is this the guy you've been seeing recently? I don't think it's that bad saying that he didn't want to impose, maybe he was trying to be polite and doesn't want to rush things (but I don't know any of the history behind this so could be totally off the mark) and I think that it's a good sign that he's coming to your party...xxx
Surely if he wanted to be with me he would take up the offer to stay at my parents' house?! (We have already slept together which probably explains why he wants to stay elsewhere! 
)
I did write a message saying I'd really like him to stay with us and there are lots of people staying and he wouldn't be imposing, but then I remembered that last time I offered for him to stay at mine he said yes, and that he'd gone abroad for 4 days and not told me, so I got angry and embarrassed and didn't send it. He's the kind of person who will do that kind of thing - like he came to supper at mine, when I asked him, before we properly got together, even though I had been doing his head in by giving off mixed signals. So he can manage very well in social situations, even if he doesn't like someone. IYSWIM.
) I did write a message saying I'd really like him to stay with us and there are lots of people staying and he wouldn't be imposing, but then I remembered that last time I offered for him to stay at mine he said yes, and that he'd gone abroad for 4 days and not told me, so I got angry and embarrassed and didn't send it. He's the kind of person who will do that kind of thing - like he came to supper at mine, when I asked him, before we properly got together, even though I had been doing his head in by giving off mixed signals. So he can manage very well in social situations, even if he doesn't like someone. IYSWIM.
how would you feel if he said he'd like to stay at yours?
Were you seeing each other officially, when he just left for a break abroad, or had you just started sleeping together and it was early days? I mean, were you in contact and had agreed to see each other and were treating each other as a significant other?
You don't have to answer these questions by the way.
I've just got a feeling that he's being a bit on and off because he doesn't know how else to behave. Or, he gets the impression that you're not particularly bothered about him, hence him 'not wanting to impose'.
See, Ive been guilty of playing it too cool plenty of times, in an effort to disguise my vulnerability.
I understand that I could be totally wrong, and sorry if my questions pee you off. x
Were you seeing each other officially, when he just left for a break abroad, or had you just started sleeping together and it was early days? I mean, were you in contact and had agreed to see each other and were treating each other as a significant other?
You don't have to answer these questions by the way.
I've just got a feeling that he's being a bit on and off because he doesn't know how else to behave. Or, he gets the impression that you're not particularly bothered about him, hence him 'not wanting to impose'.
See, Ive been guilty of playing it too cool plenty of times, in an effort to disguise my vulnerability.
I understand that I could be totally wrong, and sorry if my questions pee you off. x
I wouldn't stay at my fling's parents' house. No way, no how. Don't read more into it than that, is my advice.
I agree with Dazz. No way would I stay at the parents house of some bloke I was getting rude with!
H'indeed, but I didn't tell him it was my parents' house. I said "with us" and there are tons of other people staying there anyway so it wouldn't be just him and me.
Anyway I don't want to be anyone's fling, and I realise if I see him again In That Light that is how I will be, so it's probably just as well. We were in contact a lot, but going off abroad without telling me says it all I think. Which is why actually I don't want someone I've had sex with at my party, acting all natural and chatting up other women!
WW, I am very much guilty of the same thing as you, but in fact in the long run perhaps it isn't a bad thing. :meh: (I would have been very happy if he said he wanted to stay here, but I would not be having sex with him again.)
Anyway I don't want to be anyone's fling, and I realise if I see him again In That Light that is how I will be, so it's probably just as well. We were in contact a lot, but going off abroad without telling me says it all I think. Which is why actually I don't want someone I've had sex with at my party, acting all natural and chatting up other women!
WW, I am very much guilty of the same thing as you, but in fact in the long run perhaps it isn't a bad thing. :meh: (I would have been very happy if he said he wanted to stay here, but I would not be having sex with him again.)
Hmm I think the not staying is one thing, but the going away is another. I wouldn't be happy with that.
Hi there. I hope you don't me adding my two pence worth but why would he be coming to your party if he wasn't interested in you still? If I had slept with someone a few times, and I was no longer interested I wouldn't be doing that?
Well, quite, Megs!
I don't know why he'd still be coming down - probably out of obligation, maybe? As I said, he is quite good in social situations when he doesn't feel That Way about someone anyway. Still, I've decided to delete his number, so I can't contact him anyway and I'll get the "I'm really sorry, but I've had a change of plan" text in due course, I'm sure. You could write the bloody script, really.
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