Oh how I wish we could fork....stupid new site with basic value settings
Secondly, and I feel a bit wrong for posting this as it's the first time we've "chatted" in about a year but, quite simply, can you not just stop yourself from overanalysing? I'm all for therapy and I think it has really helped you as I can see some changes in your post, but I do think it can have the knock on effect sometimes of making people think just that little bit too much. I know it's a lot easier said than done but can you not just try really really hard next time you see him to just go with the flow and everytime you have a niggle in your head just give yourself a little pinch on the hand to snap out of it?
Badass (nice to see you back)......talks about the trap of over thinking, of over therapyising....and I agree, and just wanted to chat about that, away from Lil's issue.
Counselling/talking definitely has its place, but it can swing way too far the wrong way. Sometimes a stiff upper lip has its place, and sometimes just a firm emotional shaking and getting over it has its place too.
I am guilty of thinking that about couples counselling in particular. Yes, in many cases, where a difficult experience has been shared, or affected the realtionship counselling can be great to refocus. But I do sometimes just think that a rellie, particulary if no kids are involved, should just be left.
What do you think?
(I have had a brief bit of counselling, linked to sex and grief, so am not completely without experience).
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I agree. I think that there has been some research done on the effectiveness of counselling and while it is undeniably helpful in many cases, it is possible to go too far the other way.
Sometimes you do have to draw a line under it all and say 'right, I'm just going to get on with it'.
I still overanalyse a little bit but stopping doing it was one of the single most effective things in improving my happiness overall. Worrying never does anyone any good.
Sometimes you do have to draw a line under it all and say 'right, I'm just going to get on with it'.
I still overanalyse a little bit but stopping doing it was one of the single most effective things in improving my happiness overall. Worrying never does anyone any good.
hmm, i do agree. I think an awful lot of the time (and casting no aspertions whatsoever on lilys thread as I havent read it), drawing a line and choosing to get over something/let something go, can be helpful. I think therapy can become a way of life. that said, i've seen cbt do some very good work with my best friend.
I'm reasonably sceptical about couples counselling in some ways, because some of my parents friends went, and after a few sessions the therapist suggested to the wife that she should get a divorce. they went home and sorted it out though, instead.
I'm reasonably sceptical about couples counselling in some ways, because some of my parents friends went, and after a few sessions the therapist suggested to the wife that she should get a divorce. they went home and sorted it out though, instead.
It's certainly helpful where someone is having difficulty seeing the reality of a situation or doesn't know what the problem might be. But in some cases definitely, I think the person can end up relying on the counsellor to sort their own ishoos out when really they need to be doing that themselves.
Smale is right - you do have to make a conscious decision to get a grip and move forwards.
Smale is right - you do have to make a conscious decision to get a grip and move forwards.
Quoted:
I still overanalyse a little bit but stopping doing it was one of the single most effective things in improving my happiness overall. Worrying never does anyone any good.
Posted by sciencechick
Posted by sciencechick
Yep, me too, however I consciously made a decision to just stop. Stop dwelling so much on the little things and I feel a lot happier for doing so. Iv considered therapy in the past, however just by changing my way of thinking, I see things far better than ever.
I think it comes to a point where like you say you just have to 'get on with things' but for some people counselling through a problem helps them work through it and show another perspective that you mightn't have had.
That said, many times over the years people have said I should consider counselling for coping after my ex killed himself. I just know it's not for me. I come from a family that just 'gets on with things' and puts a bright face on it. I've been told I'm storing problems up for the future. Well maybe, but I've had to cope with a violent death, similar to coping with a murder, it doesn't get much worse than that does it? So yeah I'm sure there'll be blips along the way, but I'm getting by.
I think you can overanalyse any situation, but ultimately you have to make the best of it, don't you?
That said, many times over the years people have said I should consider counselling for coping after my ex killed himself. I just know it's not for me. I come from a family that just 'gets on with things' and puts a bright face on it. I've been told I'm storing problems up for the future. Well maybe, but I've had to cope with a violent death, similar to coping with a murder, it doesn't get much worse than that does it? So yeah I'm sure there'll be blips along the way, but I'm getting by.
I think you can overanalyse any situation, but ultimately you have to make the best of it, don't you?
I think it depends on the individual. While I've had great experience from therapy and will continue to recommend it I also think it's important to deal with stuff in your own way. And also not to place too much trust in therapists because they are people too! My friends went to Relate and the counsellor basically told my friend that there was nothing wrong with her boyfriend (commitment issues) and that she was in the wrong for expecting more from him after 2 years...
Crap happens and we do have to deal with it - that said, it does help many people to talk it through, just to get it out of their system, particularly if they don't have a good support network or need to talk to someone objective. (I'm not going into partic mental states or severe trauma on this thread as I don't know enough about them.)
Crap happens and we do have to deal with it - that said, it does help many people to talk it through, just to get it out of their system, particularly if they don't have a good support network or need to talk to someone objective. (I'm not going into partic mental states or severe trauma on this thread as I don't know enough about them.)
Interesting thread as I am just about to look into counselling, but just on my own as I think it is me with the issues not my partner.
I feel I need to spill out all the stuff i am holding in and i can only do this with a therapist. My partner knows most the stuff but obviously doesn't know how to help me. I think therapy is a good option if you need to undertstand your head a bit more as I do overthink but at the moment i am just confused and would like to speak to a total stranger about it.
I feel I need to spill out all the stuff i am holding in and i can only do this with a therapist. My partner knows most the stuff but obviously doesn't know how to help me. I think therapy is a good option if you need to undertstand your head a bit more as I do overthink but at the moment i am just confused and would like to speak to a total stranger about it.
Not quite the same, but when I was seeing a gynae consultant, before finally being referred for counselling her advice to me was to dump my bf and try sex with someone else! She hadn't even met him!
I actually did leave him quite soon after.
I actually did leave him quite soon after.
I tried counseling and it wasn't for me.
I think it's important to deal with issues, but different people deal with things differently. That said, I do think that talking (whether to someone you know, a counsellor, or just online) or writing things down can help to make sense of things and help you sort through issues.
I also agree that counselling can help give you a different perspective; this particularly rings true in my experience with rape and sexual abuse, as a lot of victims feel guilt etc and sometimes need to be given another perspective to realise it wasn't their fault. Counselling in cases of trauma can also be useful as counsellors can make suggestions on how to cope with things like flashbacks.
Some people definitely become over-reliant though; there are those who will see a therapist over every little thing. IMPO counselling should be reserved for more serious issues that you actually NEED help with, as otherwise I think you could get into a trap of not being able to deal with even small problems (like an argument with your friend for eg) yourself.
I think it's important to deal with issues, but different people deal with things differently. That said, I do think that talking (whether to someone you know, a counsellor, or just online) or writing things down can help to make sense of things and help you sort through issues.
I also agree that counselling can help give you a different perspective; this particularly rings true in my experience with rape and sexual abuse, as a lot of victims feel guilt etc and sometimes need to be given another perspective to realise it wasn't their fault. Counselling in cases of trauma can also be useful as counsellors can make suggestions on how to cope with things like flashbacks.
Some people definitely become over-reliant though; there are those who will see a therapist over every little thing. IMPO counselling should be reserved for more serious issues that you actually NEED help with, as otherwise I think you could get into a trap of not being able to deal with even small problems (like an argument with your friend for eg) yourself.
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