I have a friend who gets very upset when her child takes a toy from another child or another child takes a toy from her child. Unfortunately my little girl is all over the place exploring and grabbing things and my friend said to me "is she doing that because she has been spending time with such and such?", I just said "no, babies are all ego at this age, they don't understand not to just take things, and I don't want to tell her off whilst she is playing, I'd be telling her off constantly".
But what I want to know is, am I right? If she just innocently takes my friends daughters toy whilst they are playing, should I tell her off or should I say, "no such and such is playing with that, you play with this one"?
I mean she is only 14 months old, my gut feeling is to let them get on with it if no one is getting hurt, but it really offends my friends.
FORUMS
FORUM RSS
What age do children learn to share
Author
Message
Oooh I would say 14 months is too young to expect them to share.. I wouldn't expect that sharing thing to kick in till at least 3 years old. I know my 2 yr old won't share yet, he's still at the everything is MINE stage.
I probably would for peace sake just distract the bairn with another toy like you've said.. I would also cut down on the time I spend with this other person and her child though as it sounds like hard work sometimes.
Don't let her insinuate that your child is being naughty though.. print off some information to show her maybe so she can get her facts straight.
http://www.more4kids.info/255/teaching-children-to-share/
Apparently children don't learn a sense of fairness until they're 7 years old doing a quick google.
I probably would for peace sake just distract the bairn with another toy like you've said.. I would also cut down on the time I spend with this other person and her child though as it sounds like hard work sometimes.
Don't let her insinuate that your child is being naughty though.. print off some information to show her maybe so she can get her facts straight.
http://www.more4kids.info/255/teaching-children-to-share/
Apparently children don't learn a sense of fairness until they're 7 years old doing a quick google.
![[http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg]](http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg "http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg")
It might also be good to point out.. that by forcing her child to give up her toy constantly may have an inpact on her personality in the future. She might turn into a person who is easily persuaded into doing things she doesn't want to do because it's been ingrained into her from a young age by her mother. It can also swing the other way and make a sneaky child/adult that will take something they want because they automatically think because it's not theirs specifically then there's no point in asking for it and so on.
Or I might be talking aload of %&*$#.
Or I might be talking aload of %&*$#.
Mine still aren't perfect at sharing at 4 and nearly 3 but I'd say that Alexandra has got it over the last year or so big style, when it suits her. Same goes for Matthew really. Sometimes, they are happy to share, or at least say they are going to, and other times, its just "mine!!".
I used to think it was quite funny when Matthew used to get his way over and just take toys from older children when he was an older baby! The look on the kids' faces used to be priceless! You could see it was not done with any malice so unless he clonked someone on the head to get it (which he didn't), I would let it ride.
It's really hard when your friend is being touchy about it tho. I have a friend who kind of did that to me. She used to comment on Matthew's "behaviour" when he was just being an 18month old who was adjusting to being the elder, not only child. It used to bother me but she soon shut up when her own child got to that age and she found out what it was like to have a child of that age in the house!
kateab
I used to think it was quite funny when Matthew used to get his way over and just take toys from older children when he was an older baby! The look on the kids' faces used to be priceless! You could see it was not done with any malice so unless he clonked someone on the head to get it (which he didn't), I would let it ride.
It's really hard when your friend is being touchy about it tho. I have a friend who kind of did that to me. She used to comment on Matthew's "behaviour" when he was just being an 18month old who was adjusting to being the elder, not only child. It used to bother me but she soon shut up when her own child got to that age and she found out what it was like to have a child of that age in the house!
kateab
Thanks for your help everyone. It is so helpful to be able to get other people's take on things like this.
I am not into the idea of forced sharing. Given that adults do not share their things as we expect children to, it's more a case of children learning to accept ownership, so as not to demand things that others have. Forcing children who don't yet understand about ownership, to share, must be confusing for them.
On a practical note though, if you have playdates, it's probably a good idea to put away any absolutely treasured toys beforehand and everybody can muck in with the rest of the toys.
On a practical note though, if you have playdates, it's probably a good idea to put away any absolutely treasured toys beforehand and everybody can muck in with the rest of the toys.
Mine actually sit watching toy ads sometimes saying "I want that one" then the other says "I want to share that with you" and then the other says "OK".
Even if the parent doesn't "force" sharing (and I believe that parents DO share things quite a lot), preschool or school start to enforce it. Matthew has been to school this afternoon and they were outside when I got there, on their bikes. The teaching assistant was keeping an eye on how long people had been on things and then asking the children to let others have the bikes as even with only half the class there, there are way more children than bikes.
kateab
Even if the parent doesn't "force" sharing (and I believe that parents DO share things quite a lot), preschool or school start to enforce it. Matthew has been to school this afternoon and they were outside when I got there, on their bikes. The teaching assistant was keeping an eye on how long people had been on things and then asking the children to let others have the bikes as even with only half the class there, there are way more children than bikes.
kateab
14 months is wa too young to expect sharing. i have distracted by giving my little one another toy. if we have guests and mine comes and takes something, i always give it to the original child and give him something else to play with.
now he is almost two, i ask him to give his friend a toy/cake etc and then say 'oooh arent you a good boy being nice to XXX' it seems to work.
my feeling is children are very territorial when young with their own toys because they have so little ocntrol over their world. if they cant even 'own' their toys then they can feel a bit displaced. so sharing is wide off the mark at a young age..
i cant believe your friend would expect littlies to be able to understand that!!!
now he is almost two, i ask him to give his friend a toy/cake etc and then say 'oooh arent you a good boy being nice to XXX' it seems to work.
my feeling is children are very territorial when young with their own toys because they have so little ocntrol over their world. if they cant even 'own' their toys then they can feel a bit displaced. so sharing is wide off the mark at a young age..
i cant believe your friend would expect littlies to be able to understand that!!!
Wow - I can't believe any Mum, even if their child's much younger, would expect a 14-month old to have any concept of sharing!!
I definitely believe it's something they need to grasp eventually - if you have more than 1 child and they don't understand the concept, you'd be forever refereeing battles.
Plus, I think sharing promotes generosity. I'd worry that if I didn't teach my little one to share, he'd end up being a miserly adult, but who knows, perhaps that's an in-built personality trait that no amount of nurture can change! I also agree with Kate - as an adult, I share with my friends and with my colleagues (perhaps not in exactly the same way) so it's something that has to be learnt sooner or later.
I definitely believe it's something they need to grasp eventually - if you have more than 1 child and they don't understand the concept, you'd be forever refereeing battles.
Plus, I think sharing promotes generosity. I'd worry that if I didn't teach my little one to share, he'd end up being a miserly adult, but who knows, perhaps that's an in-built personality trait that no amount of nurture can change! I also agree with Kate - as an adult, I share with my friends and with my colleagues (perhaps not in exactly the same way) so it's something that has to be learnt sooner or later.
I didn't intervene much at this age but I knew some parents that did. R did seem to click naturally, though, and I've had hardly any problems. I can't remember the exact age but I think it was before 3.
I don't think it is ever too early to try to promote sharing but I would probably not make too big a thing of it unless another child was getting upset or a fight was breaking out. I know that some parents tend to hide behind the 'too young to share' concept and then they have 4 or 5 yr olds who won't share and it is much harder to correct them then.
I don't think it is ever too early to try to promote sharing but I would probably not make too big a thing of it unless another child was getting upset or a fight was breaking out. I know that some parents tend to hide behind the 'too young to share' concept and then they have 4 or 5 yr olds who won't share and it is much harder to correct them then.
Who's online?
Promotions
MORE FROM HANDBAG
Contact | Privacy | Terms & Conditions | Advertising | Site Map | Popular Forum Threads
Copyright © 2012. Hearst Magazines UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company, registered in England 112955, and its affiliate company, Handbag.com, which is registered in England 03819979. The companies are registered at 72 Broadwick Street, London, W1F 9EP. All rights reserved.