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How often do you praise your child?
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I was sitting at the door of a museum that’s really popular with young children and it was very busy. Parents were getting to the door and putting children in coats and pushchairs, ready to leave and the children were running to the door and back, as they do, and were excited. The kids were no older than Junior school; many in the younger years.
I noticed every parents giving their children a whole raft of instructions and orders and on the whole all the children were obeying. I didn’t see one parents say ‘Well done’, or thanks to any child who obeyed. I was quite shocked to be honest.
I just wondered how long it would be before, as the kids grew up, they ignored more and more of the incessant orders and commands because it sounded like nagging – and they got nothing out not obeying? No wonder teens ignore parents after years of no positive feedback for being good.
It got me thinking about how often us parents (or grandparent in my case) remember to say a simple, thanks, or well done. Nothing lavish, but at least an acknowledgement to make a child feel good for being good?
Ever onwards
My kids get praised when they deserve it and trust me teens are little gits because they are teens.. not because they weren't praised lots as kids.
![[http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg]](http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg "http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg")
Troof Turdy.
I can't bear all that ' touchy feely' what not - I didn't praise my kids, for putting on their coat, or not getting themselves run over, or for putting one foot in front of the other and managing to walk on their own.
I think your sentence, " No wonder teens ignore parents after years of no positive feedback for being good. is trite and simplistic, but I would agree that positive praise is just as essential as firm boundaries. But, prasie should feel like praise and should feel like an achievement, something earned.
You can have basic manners to your kids and say please and thank you - that bit goes without saying. Being kind, loving and polite towards to your kids should be at the route of all parenting, but actual praise, should come after something significant has been achieved, in my book.
I can't bear all that ' touchy feely' what not - I didn't praise my kids, for putting on their coat, or not getting themselves run over, or for putting one foot in front of the other and managing to walk on their own.
I think your sentence, " No wonder teens ignore parents after years of no positive feedback for being good. is trite and simplistic, but I would agree that positive praise is just as essential as firm boundaries. But, prasie should feel like praise and should feel like an achievement, something earned.
You can have basic manners to your kids and say please and thank you - that bit goes without saying. Being kind, loving and polite towards to your kids should be at the route of all parenting, but actual praise, should come after something significant has been achieved, in my book.
Well dang, I found my original profile and sign in ! Tis me !
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
So how often do your kids deserve praise?
Ever onwards
when ever they need it (i'm sorry if I wasn't clear in my first post).
Let me get this right. Little kids, harassed parents, parents tell the kids to do something, kid dutifuly obeys and you're still looking for a reason to criticise or find fault with said parents?
I'd pretty much assume that if the kids did as asked, that the parents have the discipline down pat. I don't think you'd be able to make an assumption that they dont praise ever based on your teeny microsecond glimpse into their lives. I praise when its appropriate and we have the time. But perhaps a fraught day out with lots of kids in tow wasnt the appropriate time, particularly if its clear they are being judged by complete strangers.
I'd pretty much assume that if the kids did as asked, that the parents have the discipline down pat. I don't think you'd be able to make an assumption that they dont praise ever based on your teeny microsecond glimpse into their lives. I praise when its appropriate and we have the time. But perhaps a fraught day out with lots of kids in tow wasnt the appropriate time, particularly if its clear they are being judged by complete strangers.
So much defensiveness; almost aggression from both of you. It was a simple enough question and I was interested to check out my 'teeny microsecond glimpse'.
I guess the tenor of my question is that I do wonder if small children get praised enough, but that's why I asked on here. No need to assume the worst, or assume that you are less negative about parenting than I am. After all, why assume the parents were automatically harassed, or do you think all parents and kids automatically have a harassed relationship? Bit negative or what? That's rather like therealdeal somewhat strongly asserted belief that troublesome teenagers are all little gits.
Well, you are entitled to your views, but a shame you didn't answer the question as well. Clearly that isn't going to happen.
I guess the tenor of my question is that I do wonder if small children get praised enough, but that's why I asked on here. No need to assume the worst, or assume that you are less negative about parenting than I am. After all, why assume the parents were automatically harassed, or do you think all parents and kids automatically have a harassed relationship? Bit negative or what? That's rather like therealdeal somewhat strongly asserted belief that troublesome teenagers are all little gits.
Well, you are entitled to your views, but a shame you didn't answer the question as well. Clearly that isn't going to happen.
Ever onwards
I didn't say troublesome teens.. I just said teens. I have a teenager myself and trust me she can be a little git at times and we have a pretty good relationship in the most part..
Personally I think kids get praised a little bit too much.. take sports day for example.. there are no losers anymore.. everybody is a winner for taking part. What part of that sets them up for the real world?
If praise is deserved then it is given.. but in no way am I going to thank my kids for doing something like obeying instructions you described in your first post. It's what is expected of them.
Personally I think kids get praised a little bit too much.. take sports day for example.. there are no losers anymore.. everybody is a winner for taking part. What part of that sets them up for the real world?
If praise is deserved then it is given.. but in no way am I going to thank my kids for doing something like obeying instructions you described in your first post. It's what is expected of them.
I'm coming from a different viewpoint to you, in that I don't have any children of my own. But I work with children with disabilities, and I praise the children all the time, for very little things eg 'thank you for waiting','good sitting', 'thank you for putting your shoes on'.
I'm a big believer in praising good behaviour and (when appropriate) ignoring bad behaviour. It doesn't cost anything to praisr your child.
I'm a big believer in praising good behaviour and (when appropriate) ignoring bad behaviour. It doesn't cost anything to praisr your child.
Praising the good and ignoring the bad is the reason kids are the way they are these days.. kids are led to believe that they are the centre of the universe and can get away with anything. How many people would think twice about confronting a kid these days compared to the past when police had the power to swat a kid that needed bringing back into line?
Praise is given when it's due.. speaking as a mother with 3 kids of my own.. saturate a kid with anything be it a smack for every little thing they do or praising them every single time they do something that should be seen as expected of them.. means that it loses effect and becomes expected.
Praise is given when it's due.. speaking as a mother with 3 kids of my own.. saturate a kid with anything be it a smack for every little thing they do or praising them every single time they do something that should be seen as expected of them.. means that it loses effect and becomes expected.
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