You hear so much advice of other people about this topic, and I really am confused. My little boy is 4 weeks old now and I cannot bear to hear him cry and I know that if I left him like some say you should he would just work hisself up into a frenzy and I dont beleive its healthy. Am I spoiling him by responding to him every time he cries. He is obviously trying to communicate a need with me so how can I ignore him? I love cuddling him, kissing him, but is there such a thing as too much? I hope not because he will be spoilt rotten!!
I was thinking of getting a sling so he can be near me and I can still get stuff done round the house and it sounds like its a good way of keeping him near to you, but there again would he get too used to being picked up and on me all the time? On the other hand, he has been in his cot in his own room for the past 4 nights and he seems to be alot happier than being in his moses basket, our house is a little cottage and our rooms are very very close, I dont even need a monitor, with my door open and his I can hear ever murmer, so that seems to be working really well for us, but during the day he hates being away from me even for just a few mintues while I go to the loo or hang out some washing.
Advice would be really appreciated.
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Is there such a thing as picking up your newborn up too much??
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Whose told you to leave him to cry???
Thats selfish stupid and neglectful in my eyes. Your right in my eyes when he cries its because he needs something and leaving him to cry won't teach him anything but it will breed fear and will make him clingy in my book because he will wonder where you are and when you will see to him.
Indeed i carried my baby around in a sling for a bit. Gets a bit tricky when you need a poo but they dont mind.
Everyone has an opinion as i have just shown by voicing mine.people told me that sleeping with my baby in my bed at night will make her clingy and needful and that she'd never sleep in her own cot at night. Well after 5 months of sleeping with us she went right back in her cot and slept. Admittedly it was a bit difficult for a couple of nights but i had badly timed it as she was going through a growth spurt and was getting up early for food.
Have confidence in your ability and see to your baby as you see fit because if you dont you'll look back and forever wish you had done things differently.
Marina:)
Thats selfish stupid and neglectful in my eyes. Your right in my eyes when he cries its because he needs something and leaving him to cry won't teach him anything but it will breed fear and will make him clingy in my book because he will wonder where you are and when you will see to him.
Indeed i carried my baby around in a sling for a bit. Gets a bit tricky when you need a poo but they dont mind.
Everyone has an opinion as i have just shown by voicing mine.people told me that sleeping with my baby in my bed at night will make her clingy and needful and that she'd never sleep in her own cot at night. Well after 5 months of sleeping with us she went right back in her cot and slept. Admittedly it was a bit difficult for a couple of nights but i had badly timed it as she was going through a growth spurt and was getting up early for food.
Have confidence in your ability and see to your baby as you see fit because if you dont you'll look back and forever wish you had done things differently.
Marina:)
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You know what you are right. I need to start beleiving in myself a bit more. The thing is I never had younger siblings, and havent had anything to do with babies before, and although I have had lots of good advice (and some crap advice!!) and read lots of magazines, books and websites about caring for a newborn, I basically need to find my own way, and trust that as his mum I know best, nevermind what other people say or what books I have read.
You just doubt yourself sometimes, But all I know is, if my baby cries I have to go and pick him up and if thats wrong then I will just have to be wrong.
Thanks Marina for the pep talk. Sometimes you just have to have a bit of reassurance.
You just doubt yourself sometimes, But all I know is, if my baby cries I have to go and pick him up and if thats wrong then I will just have to be wrong.
Thanks Marina for the pep talk. Sometimes you just have to have a bit of reassurance.
My father in law is old school. I was standing outside with him once and she started to cry after waking up, i said "excuse me i'll just go and get her" and he said "leave her she'll be alright, its good for them to cry a bit.
I didn't, i couldnt, because i knew that she just wanted to see a face that she knew and to just feel like she hadnt been dumped.
However after talking to my mother in law turns out he really didnt have that much to do with his own kids when they were babies and she felt really torn between listening to him and doing what she wanted to do with her babies.
I went all tribal when neave was little and i honestly dont think there has ever been a day gone by where my face hasnt been the first thing she saw after waking up. Even now shes in her cot which is all of three steps from my bed but i put her to sleep facing me and when she wakes and gets to her knees she looks at out at me and smiles. It just feels right she will then often sit down and wait for me to come get her.
Newborns and babies up to probably well over 8 months don't know "spoiling" it doesnt make them clingy, i think it breeds an air of confidence and security. You dont always have to pick up the baby sometimes just a face stroke or a voice they know is enough.
I've got a cough at the moment, my partner brought it home from work and we were watching telly in bed tonight she fell asleep next to me and not long after i had quite a bad coughing fit, it scared her and i just said "i'm sorry hunny dont be scared" and she looked at me and laid back down and went back to sleep. My voice is enough for her now.
Marina:)
I didn't, i couldnt, because i knew that she just wanted to see a face that she knew and to just feel like she hadnt been dumped.
However after talking to my mother in law turns out he really didnt have that much to do with his own kids when they were babies and she felt really torn between listening to him and doing what she wanted to do with her babies.
I went all tribal when neave was little and i honestly dont think there has ever been a day gone by where my face hasnt been the first thing she saw after waking up. Even now shes in her cot which is all of three steps from my bed but i put her to sleep facing me and when she wakes and gets to her knees she looks at out at me and smiles. It just feels right she will then often sit down and wait for me to come get her.
Newborns and babies up to probably well over 8 months don't know "spoiling" it doesnt make them clingy, i think it breeds an air of confidence and security. You dont always have to pick up the baby sometimes just a face stroke or a voice they know is enough.
I've got a cough at the moment, my partner brought it home from work and we were watching telly in bed tonight she fell asleep next to me and not long after i had quite a bad coughing fit, it scared her and i just said "i'm sorry hunny dont be scared" and she looked at me and laid back down and went back to sleep. My voice is enough for her now.
Marina:)
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Marina, if you want to pick him up, pick him up - please don't leave him to cry!
When my son was a baby (he's 18 now!) one of my friends at time said I picked him up too much - that I shouldn't go to him every time he cried, as I would spoil him and he'd cry simply so someone would pick him up. ( Mind you this was also the person who, when she saw I'd put him in a black denim romper suit at about 6 months old, said it was wrong because "babies should always wear white"! - she said it to my face and even went telling my mum the same thing, obviously thinking my mum would agree with her! )
Maybe years and years and years ago not picking a crying baby up was the norm, but if you want to cuddle your baby then do it...how on earth anyone can think it's wrong to show a tot of that age affection, is beyond me.
When my son was a baby (he's 18 now!) one of my friends at time said I picked him up too much - that I shouldn't go to him every time he cried, as I would spoil him and he'd cry simply so someone would pick him up. ( Mind you this was also the person who, when she saw I'd put him in a black denim romper suit at about 6 months old, said it was wrong because "babies should always wear white"! - she said it to my face and even went telling my mum the same thing, obviously thinking my mum would agree with her! )
Maybe years and years and years ago not picking a crying baby up was the norm, but if you want to cuddle your baby then do it...how on earth anyone can think it's wrong to show a tot of that age affection, is beyond me.
Lol i think her name is sally.
I think baby raising goes through phases and certain people are idolised at certain times. Remember Dr Spock and then there was Tracy Hogg (rip)
There was a time fathers were not allowed in the delivery room (my father in law is still in this way of thinking) he was in the pub when both his children were born.
Kangaroo care is very much pushed on mums these days i was unfit to hold my daughter after birth and for the following three hours the midwifes were wonderful with me but continually reminded me that if i was going to breast feed that she needed to be attached asap.
Marina:)
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Do what feels right !!
You can't go wrong, if you stick to what feels natural !
Well dang, I found my original profile and sign in ! Tis me !
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
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You can't spoil a baby by loving him. Spoiling is when a child asks for something, gets told no, has a tantrum and is given the thing he'd asked for.
Marina is absolutely right. This is your baby, and you should follow your instincts.
Marina is absolutely right. This is your baby, and you should follow your instincts.
you hold your baby as much as you want to. my boy is 9 months old now and i can't believe how quick time as flown. they're not little for long and you have to love and enjoy them as much as you can. my little boy sleeps in the bed with me and i wouldn't have it any other way, despite what i ahve been told by health visiters, parents etc. you know what is right for your child(and for you). i too was told to let me baby cry, i tried it and he made himself sick, how can that be right.
marina enjoy your baby and shut your ears to unwanted and outdated advice - you sound like a wonderful mother, your baby is lucky to have you.
marina enjoy your baby and shut your ears to unwanted and outdated advice - you sound like a wonderful mother, your baby is lucky to have you.
minkybaby
Its true, you cannot spoil a newborn. If you think for 40 weeks they've been carried around by you.. nice and warm. They don't know what hunger is or what it feels to need a bum change. they don't know what it feels like to be cold. They are constantly comforted and all of a sudden they are dragged from that place and have to process all of these sensations all at once. Putting them down with no body to lie on for comfort as well as doing all that to them is a tad on the cruel side imo.
It's one of the reasons I complained about claire verity to ofcom when they aired that program. It still pisses me off to think about it.
I had a limpet until he was 16 weeks old so I can sympathise. Don't worry about leaving them for a short time if you have to do something.. a swaddle can come in handy here sometimes it just can't be helped. Or a sling might come in useful.
It's one of the reasons I complained about claire verity to ofcom when they aired that program. It still pisses me off to think about it.
I had a limpet until he was 16 weeks old so I can sympathise. Don't worry about leaving them for a short time if you have to do something.. a swaddle can come in handy here sometimes it just can't be helped. Or a sling might come in useful.
![[http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg]](http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg "http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c136/samemms/3231278360_2c014cd713.jpg")
Just to add to this - one of my sisters tried for kids for years - had some IVF type stuff and had twin boys. Hurrah.
Then, she got pregant 3 months later having the boys, naturally - what a shocker that was !!
So little girl Anna arrives and in reality, the baby is left basically unheld for long periods, due to having 2 tearaways in the house and a large dog ( time, being kept out of harms way, etc ).
Now I have to say, the boys were and still are a bit if a handful. Howver, that little girl - well, we have 11 kids between my sisters and I and we all say, there has never been one so sunny and contented as little Anna - not a peep, all smiles and noises - watches the boys like like are a TV. My sister used to half joke that she was like a chinese girl baby, abandoned in an unwanted home, not picked up or made eye contact with !!! Not that bad of course, but it shows that you have to do what works for your familiy.
babies, as long as they are loved, looked after and cared for - do what's right and what works for you and yours !
Then, she got pregant 3 months later having the boys, naturally - what a shocker that was !!
So little girl Anna arrives and in reality, the baby is left basically unheld for long periods, due to having 2 tearaways in the house and a large dog ( time, being kept out of harms way, etc ).
Now I have to say, the boys were and still are a bit if a handful. Howver, that little girl - well, we have 11 kids between my sisters and I and we all say, there has never been one so sunny and contented as little Anna - not a peep, all smiles and noises - watches the boys like like are a TV. My sister used to half joke that she was like a chinese girl baby, abandoned in an unwanted home, not picked up or made eye contact with !!! Not that bad of course, but it shows that you have to do what works for your familiy.
babies, as long as they are loved, looked after and cared for - do what's right and what works for you and yours !
Well dang, I found my original profile and sign in ! Tis me !
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
I may not always be right.... but I'm never wrong.
Yeah but theres a difference between a contented baby laying quietly on the floor to a baby screaming and begging to be picked up and being ignored!
Marina:)
Marina:)
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Well I'm obviously selfish, stupid and neglectful as I don't pick the twins up everytime they cry. But I know my babies well enough to establish whether there is something wrong or whether they are just whinging. I sometimes have to leave one to cry for a bit while I sort out a dirty nappy on the other one. I couldn't possibly pick them up at the least murmur as I just don't have enough hands. I never leave them crying if the is something wrong obviously, there is a difference in their cries if there is something wrong. If they are screaming then obviously you should not leave them. I also used crying down to help my boys settle into a bedtime routine which I'm guessing would make me a bad mother in some peoples eyes but I have two babies who don't need to be cuddled to settle off to sleep and are quite happy to go down in their cots. My babies are not clingy in the slightest. They are happy, smily, contented babies, who don't need to be cuddled to sleep, don't scream as soon as I leave the room, can self settle, are happy to play on their baby gym, don't cry just to be picked up and know that I love them to pieces. Maybe if I had one baby it would be different and I'd pick them up all the time and carry them in a sling with me everywhere but with two babies it's just not feasible
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Quoted:
Well I'm obviously selfish, stupid and neglectful as I don't pick the twins up everytime they cry. But I know my babies well enough to establish whether there is something wrong or whether they are just whinging. I sometimes have to leave one to cry for a bit while I sort out a dirty nappy on the other one. I couldn't possibly pick them up at the least murmur as I just don't have enough hands. I never leave them crying if the is something wrong obviously, there is a difference in their cries if there is something wrong. If they are screaming then obviously you should not leave them. I also used crying down to help my boys settle into a bedtime routine which I'm guessing would make me a bad mother in some peoples eyes but I have two babies who don't need to be cuddled to settle off to sleep and are quite happy to go down in their cots. My babies are not clingy in the slightest. They are happy, smily, contented babies, who don't need to be cuddled to sleep, don't scream as soon as I leave the room, can self settle, are happy to play on their baby gym, don't cry just to be picked up and know that I love them to pieces. Maybe if I had one baby it would be different and I'd pick them up all the time and carry them in a sling with me everywhere but with two babies it's just not feasible
Posted by *Natalie*
Posted by *Natalie*
Not selfish neglectful or stupid...simply a Mum who is tuned in to her babies, and is obviously doing a brilliant job of looking after two babies!
I can't leave Ilana to scream when she's hysterical and high pitched but like you Natalie, I do know when she's just having a whinge and don't think it hurts her to be left to calm down then. I don't believe you can pick up a newborn too much though Sally - you won't be doing it forever, and they're tiny for such a short time.
Husband can't bear leaving her alone for any length of time but I often pop her on her play mat and leave her to play during the day for a little while, as she loves it and is happy to be on her own. I do play with her too! I just think she needs a balance. Husband disagrees and thinks I'm neglecting her, I'm sure...
Husband can't bear leaving her alone for any length of time but I often pop her on her play mat and leave her to play during the day for a little while, as she loves it and is happy to be on her own. I do play with her too! I just think she needs a balance. Husband disagrees and thinks I'm neglecting her, I'm sure...
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