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Single mum - back to work full time
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Hey everybody, I'm looking to hear from any single mums out there that work full time. I've got a little girl who is 2 and well I have to go back to work full time in order to afford to pay bills etc. I'm really worried after talking to my mum that it's going to be really difficult to juggle it all and that my daughter will be really unhappy not seeing me during the day 5 days a week... I feel like I really need to get back to work now and my daughter I feel is growing up fast and would really benefit from the stimulation of being with a childminder or nursery. Please can anyone give me some advice I'm really starting to worry. Thanks Holly
Hi Holly, Im a single mum to an 8 year old and I work full time. I worried about the same when I started to work full time, but my daughter has adjusted fine to the change. As you say you need money to pay the bills, so thats where the benefits of working full time comes in. Your child will benefit from being around other children and being looked after by someone else, she will soon get used to it. Working full time was the best thing I done, my daughter was far too clingy and she has got a lot of confidence out of going to her chilcare provider. At the end of the day you know whats best for you and your daughter, though it will be a tough decision to make.
I wont lie it will be a major adjustment to her being in full time child care however i worked in a nursery and would like to give you the benefit of my experience from that point of view. While i was there i had a few new starters and two children move down to us from the baby room. I worked in a room dealing with 1-2 yr olds. The children who moved down from the baby room only had to adjust to new carers and new children to play with. The do this slowly over a period of weeks not days and it doesnt happen in a day. Bonding is encouraged to one person who works full time, this person then takes care of that child on a daily basis in activities and play and also at feeding time. The new starters who had never been in a nursery before generally cry for the first few days however they are also encouraged to bond with one person. Settling in sessions are offered for free in most nurseries where by the child builds up the amount of time they spend there. To begin with the parent/s stays for an hour or two on the first few days and then the parent/s are offered the chance to leave and allow the child to try it alone. In the nursery that i worked at during this time the child is given the chance to be one on one and their other children are shared out between other members of staff. I havent seen any ill effects in children that spend time in a nursery. They have the benefit of learning social skills between peers of their own age rather than child/adult socialisation and they also get to do things that they dont at home. A lot of the parents i spoke to said they were grateful that their baby got to roll around in paint and glitter and do feet painting and such like because they wouldnt want to do that at home. The only downside to nursery care is that children around the age of 18 months to 2 years generally go through a biting phase that doesnt bare any relation to upbringing and it certainly doesnt mean the child is evil. We had four biters in our room that had to be watched very careful as most biters do it without malice therfore it is not brought on by frustration or anger. , so you couldnt really see it coming till it was too late. It also exposes children to common ailments that most parents like to get out of the way whilst their children are young such as chickenpox. Again the downside is there are undesirable elements to like such as headlice but they are easily treatable and fairly rare. All of the children i took care off enjoyed their time in nursery i made sure that we did fun things and i comforted all of them when they were sad/ill or just sat and cuddled before going to sleep. I also had two children in my care that liked a cuddle and a bottle of milk when they woke up and i timed my lunch break so that i could see them off to sleep and would then be there when they woke up. I only got in trouble twice whilst i was there. I used to refer to nappy change time to the individual child by saying "so and so bum bum time" and a parent didnt like that and i also gave one of my charges a nickname and when i used it in front of the parent they flipped out at me. I hope that this has helped you should feel comfortable about sending your child to nursery and you have the right to stay and supervise at any time, and the nursery should encourage this between parents. Marina:)
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My 2 year old loves her nursery so much that she would willingly go there 5 days a week. 
Mummy is pretty boring really. 
She keeps asking when it is she goes to preschool (in the same nursery) because she knows that when she does, she'll go an extra day each week! Matthew started at 2 and yes, he did cry a few times, but mostly when we picked him up rather than on drop off. My friend had that with her little boy until about 6 months ago and he started at 1. (He's 3 at the end of July). Just make sure you're happy with your choice - if you're not, you'll be worrying about her constantly. The nursery my children go to came highly recommended by several of my friends (we joke it it is the "NCT branch" nursery) and they've always been fabulous with the children. They certainly learn a lot of useful skills at nursery that you might not get as much chance to teach them - particularly an only child because they have to learn how to get on with other children and so forth. kateab
Mummy is pretty boring really. She keeps asking when it is she goes to preschool (in the same nursery) because she knows that when she does, she'll go an extra day each week! Matthew started at 2 and yes, he did cry a few times, but mostly when we picked him up rather than on drop off. My friend had that with her little boy until about 6 months ago and he started at 1. (He's 3 at the end of July). Just make sure you're happy with your choice - if you're not, you'll be worrying about her constantly. The nursery my children go to came highly recommended by several of my friends (we joke it it is the "NCT branch" nursery) and they've always been fabulous with the children. They certainly learn a lot of useful skills at nursery that you might not get as much chance to teach them - particularly an only child because they have to learn how to get on with other children and so forth. kateab
Hi there, I know all about the guilt feeling. Maybe you could get someone to look after your child for a maybe half a day and hire a nanny for the other half. This way you might be able to see your child more often. I have my mum living close by. She comes in the morning to look after my child and leaves in the afternoon, after the nanny comes in. I am into a nanny share with a family who lives nearby. So the arrangement is working out fine. Maybe you could visit Nanny Share http://www.nannyshare.co.uk and see if they can help. All the best!
the thing is, you have to do this FOR your child. you arent choosing work over her, you need to do it to provide a life for you both. its tough but very commendable so get rid of that guilt already..
i had to work when my husband was made redundant and when he found a job little one needed to go into childcare for about 5 months. he is really sociable and not clingy. he doesnt go anymore but i really feel that being exposed to it hurt me, not him. he used to cry when i picked him up to go home. it was tough seeing him close to other women and i did feel upset inside that i wasnt being his mummy full time but in our situ we had no choice.. and it didnt do our relationship any harm at all. in fact i am sure that being without him made me adore him more.. and made me give him 100% when i did get my time with him.
you can and will do it but please dont feel guilty as that is the feeling that will eat you up. accept you are choosing to do it, your child will have benefits that some children dont and enjoy being a mum still. and feel proud of yourself for doing all of this!
it is hugely exhausting and if you can get help with th cleaning when you are out it will help you enormously as coming home, playing manic catch up playing and then doing the housework is enough to make you collapse!! but with it comes pride of being self sufficient.
not one of my friends said they would have gone out to support their family which i find sad.. we do it because we have to and i feel very proud of the fact that i stood up to be counted and have given my son a fantastic show of how much i love him- by providing and doing everything for us as a family
good luck and enjoy it, get rid of the guilt!!!
xxxx
i had to work when my husband was made redundant and when he found a job little one needed to go into childcare for about 5 months. he is really sociable and not clingy. he doesnt go anymore but i really feel that being exposed to it hurt me, not him. he used to cry when i picked him up to go home. it was tough seeing him close to other women and i did feel upset inside that i wasnt being his mummy full time but in our situ we had no choice.. and it didnt do our relationship any harm at all. in fact i am sure that being without him made me adore him more.. and made me give him 100% when i did get my time with him.
you can and will do it but please dont feel guilty as that is the feeling that will eat you up. accept you are choosing to do it, your child will have benefits that some children dont and enjoy being a mum still. and feel proud of yourself for doing all of this!
it is hugely exhausting and if you can get help with th cleaning when you are out it will help you enormously as coming home, playing manic catch up playing and then doing the housework is enough to make you collapse!! but with it comes pride of being self sufficient.
not one of my friends said they would have gone out to support their family which i find sad.. we do it because we have to and i feel very proud of the fact that i stood up to be counted and have given my son a fantastic show of how much i love him- by providing and doing everything for us as a family
good luck and enjoy it, get rid of the guilt!!!
xxxx
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