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Subject: Birth Partners?

Hi all,

Well I'm getting near to that all important "giving birth" stage - in just under 8 weeks time if little bean wants to co-operate

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Obviously I want the other half to be with me in hospital and also my mum. I feel that having my mum there because she's been there and done it I'll be a lot calmer, as the OH is very squeamish and doesn't like needles, blood etc.. and MAY panic if anything went slightly out of the norm.

Anyway, when I was talking about this with mutual friends and OH was in the room, he was like "what's this about your mum being there" and I said yes, I've told you this quite a few times, I would like my mum there, would like to be in the water etc.. I know I've mentioned this quite a number of times to him, but his attention span isn't the best. He has since then took the funnies and keeps saying well you don't need me there then, if your mum is there. If there was some kind of frostiness between my parents and the OH, I could understand his point, but they all get on (he often goes round to my parents house without me!)

I think it would be good to have two people as if it takes quite some time, then there's always going to be someone there with me if one needs to nip out of the room, and someone else for OH to chat to as I may not be in the mood for a full blown conversation.

So, anyway - rambled a bit there...! Who did you have with you at the birth / or plan to have with you?

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QueenBuk1
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REPLY QUOTE Posted :
Subject: Birth Partners?

Hi all,

Well I'm getting near to that all important "giving birth" stage - in just under 8 weeks time if little bean wants to co-operate

Obviously I want the other half to be with me in hospital and also my mum. I feel that having my mum there because she's been there and done it I'll be a lot calmer, as the OH is very squeamish and doesn't like needles, blood etc.. and MAY panic if anything went slightly out of the norm.

Anyway, when I was talking about this with mutual friends and OH was in the room, he was like "what's this about your mum being there" and I said yes, I've told you this quite a few times, I would like my mum there, would like to be in the water etc.. I know I've mentioned this quite a number of times to him, but his attention span isn't the best. He has since then took the funnies and keeps saying well you don't need me there then, if your mum is there. If there was some kind of frostiness between my parents and the OH, I could understand his point, but they all get on (he often goes round to my parents house without me!)

I think it would be good to have two people as if it takes quite some time, then there's always going to be someone there with me if one needs to nip out of the room, and someone else for OH to chat to as I may not be in the mood for a full blown conversation.

So, anyway - rambled a bit there...! Who did you have with you at the birth / or plan to have with you?

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Strudel1
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Tricky one.

I'm not usually in P&G but saw this thread in active threads. I can understand where you are coming from and labour can be a lengthy affair (so I've been told) so in the event your OH might actually be grateful for another birth partner to step in and give him a break every now and then. I can also see that he might feel a bit pushed out - perhaps he sees the birth and meeting his child for the first time as a moment for you and him only.

How about you put it more to him that your mum will be On Standby only - she will step in only if you both feel the need for her? Reassure him how much you need him there too, just explain your mum is just an extra support, if you need it on the day.

It may turn out that on the day you are happy with just your OH in the room, but it may just enough to know that your mum is in the hospital if you need her.

________________________________ hence, the potato thus looks like a penis. Posted by satsumakitten <

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QueenBuk1
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Hi Strudel

Thanks for replying; I tried to bring up "labour day" early but he was rushing about, so didn't have chance to go into details with him.
I don't think he realises how long labour will probably last, we've got some antenatal classes next month, but he's umming and ahhing about the first one which includes a tour of the hospital as it's on a Saturday and he's working. I think maybe actually seeing delivery rooms / details of labour may open his eyes somewhat, I'm sure he thinks giving birth is like in the movies

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Mr_Mannering
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Strudel's right.
Its about you and him - he's your familiy and its about to be the three of you.
Mum in hospital in case of emergencies, but - its the you and him show really !!
Good luck, Build up his confidence and make sure he knows how much you need him, what a great dad he'll be and that he will be fine when the time comes - tell him to do his best and that he won't let you down, as you know he'll do the best job he can.

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Dorkgirl1
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I had my Mum and partner at the birth and it worked brilliantly.

My labour was over 24 hours, so it meant they each got breaks and I always had support.

I think it was brilliant having them both there and I really recommend it.

I went into labour on a friday night, so my partner came with me from the start and mum joined us the next day.

My labour ended up very traumatic and with an emergency c-section, my partner came into the theatre with me while mum waited outside. So the moment where we saw our little baby for the first time only me and him, and about 6 doctors!!!

I would make it clear that he is the main birth partner and your mum is on standby as a back up as it can go on for a long time, and he will need breaks and someone to support him to support you. Especially as you mention he is squeamish, it can get very hairy!

My partner was brilliant but at times it seemed to be a lot for him to cope with and having mum there helped me relax. So dont let him put you off having her there, but make sure he knows it still about you, him and the little one. The ante natal will help you to see that, and when he gets all the details of birth I reckon he will be glad to have your mum on standby!!!

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Edie_
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My Mum was on standby for myself (and my sister) in case the OH needed a break but she wasn't needed. She has admitted since she didn't think it was her place to be there but if we felt we needed her she was willing to put her feelings aside.

I had a water birth and to be honest, depending obviously on where you give birth, there wouldn't have been enough room for another person as well as myself, my OH and two midwives.

In hindsight, I am glad it was just the two of us welcoming our child into the world and then introducing her to the extended family the following day. It gave us time to enjoy her and have our first family time without having to worry about anyone else.

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foxychick1981
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Quoted:

My Mum was on standby for myself (and my sister) in case the OH needed a break but she wasn't needed. She has admitted since she didn't think it was her place to be there but if we felt we needed her she was willing to put her feelings aside. I had a water birth and to be honest, depending obviously on where you give birth, there wouldn't have been enough room for another person as well as myself, my OH and two midwives. In hindsight, I am glad it was just the two of us welcoming our child into the world and then introducing her to the extended family the following day. It gave us time to enjoy her and have our first family time without having to worry about anyone else.
Posted by Edie

My mum was in Australia when I gave birth or she would have been one of mine. In the end my sisters came in too - husband is squeamish and hated seeing me in pain, so having my sister who'd been through it herself was invaluable. he couldn't have done it without support for himself, either. Maybe have your mum there as back up in case he feels the same way? In the end though, I disagree that it's just between you two - this is something very hard that you are going to do, it's your body and your mind and if you need your mum there, you need her. I know it's a special moment and only you two's baby but hell, I couldn't have done it with just my husband, much as I love him - he was crumbling before we got to the halfway mark!

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happybunnyuk1
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I had my OH with me for most of it, and my Mum was there was a back up, which was handy when my OH wanted to go and get a drink and something to eat. I had quite a long labour so it was handy having them both there so I always had someone with me. I didn't have them both in the room at the same time though as it wasn't very big room and I already had two midwives with me.

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Jamielouuk
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Let me just say the day you give birth is your day. You deserve any wishes/respect on that day, screw anyone else. Yes its your partners day to but ultimately its your body and you should have what you feel comfortable with. I only had my partner there and after a horrific birth I did not want visitors that day but his Mother barged in on me when I said no and I have to say, as insignificant as that sounds, it sticks in my mind still as I had such an awful day that just topped it off that no one could respect my need for time alone between me and husband. I really urge you to put your foot down on this one and do what you want as you can't change anything once its over and you should be able to look back on your day and remember it as one of the best of your life.

xx

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QueenBuk1
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Thanks to everyone with their stories.

I'm trying my upmost to convince the OH to come to all the antenatal appointments; as I still think he doesn't have the first clue about labour and even though his mate who has recently had a baby (well his wife!) keeps trying to tell him stuff - he just doesn't bloody listen! Men eh?!

I do think I would feel better having my mum in the hospital at the very least, but who knows what will happen when bubs makes his / her appearance into the world.

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