hi all
im sorry to have to ask you ladies this, i know its a painful subject for those long term ttc. one of my oldest friends has been trying for 15 years , 3 x ivf at great cost etc, i dont know where they are at the moment in terms of treatment. she is an old school friend. i just dont know how to tell her that im now *you know what*, i know that deep down she is going to be devastate, but im scared of her finding out on facebook or something if someone suddenly says to me congratulations or something, its going to hurt her and i just dont know the best way to put it, im worried ill put something really wrong. i know its nothing personal and under other circumstances she would be happy for me but she just cant and i dont expect her to in the slightest. i just want to minimise any hurt if possible. i have other friends and family who have come to the end of the line and had hysterectomies and are ok with it but it seems to be the long hard journey of ivf and never knowing and all the treatments for something that can just come to others so seemingly easily seems like a long drawn out torture and really emotionally draining.
im only 12 weeks so maybe i bide my time a bit but what with the blasted facebook lark etc , i want to be able to share my news but i dont think its fair to put it like that to her..
what do you think? please can anyone help and guide me in the right direction please. i dont expect to see her, but i dont want to loose her friendship for ever.
please be as honest as you can.
many thanks for reading and sorry if im being insensitive to anyone. i just think its something only someone in that situation can only understand properly.
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<p>eh? </p>
It's lovely that you're so concerned about her reaction. I would guess that will mean a lot to her - she has probably had a lot of people over the years being a lot less sensitive to her situation.
I would probably send her an email (rather than phoning or seeing her face to face, where she is on the spot to say/do something right away) and just put it gently to her. Say you know she is likely to have mixed feelings about it but you have some news and you wanted to tell her directly rather than via the grapevine. It's news you're happy about but you appreciate it may be difficult for her to see or speak to you, and she should handle it in whichever way she feels comfortable. You will wait for her to approach you if she wants to, and not take it personally if she doesn't.
Say you will be mentioning it on Facebook - then it's up to her if she wants to check your updates regularly or not.
I think it's great that you appreciate she may find it hard to be completely pleased for you, but I'm sure she will be on some level. I hope your friend gets some peace with her TTC soon, I can't even imagine what 15 years of this torture must do to a person.
HTH
I would probably send her an email (rather than phoning or seeing her face to face, where she is on the spot to say/do something right away) and just put it gently to her. Say you know she is likely to have mixed feelings about it but you have some news and you wanted to tell her directly rather than via the grapevine. It's news you're happy about but you appreciate it may be difficult for her to see or speak to you, and she should handle it in whichever way she feels comfortable. You will wait for her to approach you if she wants to, and not take it personally if she doesn't.
Say you will be mentioning it on Facebook - then it's up to her if she wants to check your updates regularly or not.
I think it's great that you appreciate she may find it hard to be completely pleased for you, but I'm sure she will be on some level. I hope your friend gets some peace with her TTC soon, I can't even imagine what 15 years of this torture must do to a person.
HTH
______________________________________<br />Chick
Quoted:
Say you will be mentioning it on Facebook - then it's up to her if she wants to check your updates regularly or not.
Posted by Chick
Posted by Chick
Hi hon -
Facebook is a funny one, sometimes it is out of your control.
I haven't put anything on facebook myself about being pregnant. However, just a couple of days ago one of my friends had gotten so used to the idea that they left me a message on there signed: love to you and the bump.
(It isn't a problem at all by the way as it's not a secret etc. However,.).
It did spark a huge wave of 'congratulations', 'ooh I didn't know', 'omg are you pregnant' etc - which I had no control over. (my poor friend was mortified and asked if she accidentally 'outed' me on facebook - bless her!) I'm not a huge talker so lots of people still didn't know (I'm going for the 'they find out when they find out' approach).
It wasn't a problem for me, just keep in mind a lot can happen on facebook in the couple of hours you're off-line
I think it is really sweet you are so thoughtful, it shows you care about your friend and friendship. I would let her know sooner rather than later. I let one of my closest friends know at 9w so she had plenty of time to take it in and make peace. Even though we both know there is still an air of sadness for her around it, she is genuinely lovely about it.
Good luck x
<div><div><div><div><div><div><strong><font size="2" color="#00ccff">It's a boy!</font></strong><br /><font size="2"><font color="#00ccff"><strong><a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.l
I think it's really lovely that you are so concerned about your friend's reaction.
I'm sure she's had loads of horrible situations in the past, so she will really appreciate your sensitivity.
What chick suggests is a good idea and personally I'd go with that. then she has time to digest your news and when she feels up to it I'm sure she'll be in contact.
i've had bad and good experiences - I'm not expecting people to walk on eggshells because of what I've been through, but I do appreciate when people show a bit of sensitivity - a girl I'd worked with over 5 years at that stage decided to use my skype to tell the boss she was preggers again (about 3 months after my first ectopic, which she knew about). I sat there and just wanted to disappear and cry.
But then a friend texted me about 2 weeks before we were meeting up in a group for dinner, to tell me she was pregnant, and she wanted to tell me beforehand, rather than me finding out on the night (emotions and drink don't mix well!). she'd worded it really nicely as well, and I really appreciated that.
Do let us know what you decide to do in the end. I do feel for your friend, but she's lucky you care so much!
I'm sure she's had loads of horrible situations in the past, so she will really appreciate your sensitivity.
What chick suggests is a good idea and personally I'd go with that. then she has time to digest your news and when she feels up to it I'm sure she'll be in contact.
i've had bad and good experiences - I'm not expecting people to walk on eggshells because of what I've been through, but I do appreciate when people show a bit of sensitivity - a girl I'd worked with over 5 years at that stage decided to use my skype to tell the boss she was preggers again (about 3 months after my first ectopic, which she knew about). I sat there and just wanted to disappear and cry.
But then a friend texted me about 2 weeks before we were meeting up in a group for dinner, to tell me she was pregnant, and she wanted to tell me beforehand, rather than me finding out on the night (emotions and drink don't mix well!). she'd worded it really nicely as well, and I really appreciated that.
Do let us know what you decide to do in the end. I do feel for your friend, but she's lucky you care so much!
thank you all for your honestly and help.
im going to send her a letter, im better at writing than speaking anyway, i actually googled it yesterday and there were a few discussions on the subject which has helped.
i have my scan on monday but the last two days my symptoms seem to have vanished (again!) and ive had cramping so am just going to wait until i know where i stand as im quite worried at the moment, one thing at a time i guess. so once i know for def and have seen the little monkey there , all being ok, then its time to bite the bullet and ill do it straight away as ill be more confident in telling others too. i told a wonderful friend today who had had hysterectomy and she was just so lovely about it. i guess she knows where she stands with things tho in life and thats the difference.
i honestly dont know how people manage the constand daring to hope and let downs etc that it can bring with ivf .
i wish all of those having trouble strength and hope, for whatever their outcome may be.
thanks again all. just got to hang on til monday and see how things are.
bubsxx
im going to send her a letter, im better at writing than speaking anyway, i actually googled it yesterday and there were a few discussions on the subject which has helped.
i have my scan on monday but the last two days my symptoms seem to have vanished (again!) and ive had cramping so am just going to wait until i know where i stand as im quite worried at the moment, one thing at a time i guess. so once i know for def and have seen the little monkey there , all being ok, then its time to bite the bullet and ill do it straight away as ill be more confident in telling others too. i told a wonderful friend today who had had hysterectomy and she was just so lovely about it. i guess she knows where she stands with things tho in life and thats the difference.
i honestly dont know how people manage the constand daring to hope and let downs etc that it can bring with ivf .
i wish all of those having trouble strength and hope, for whatever their outcome may be.
thanks again all. just got to hang on til monday and see how things are.
bubsxx
<p>eh? </p>
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