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Are there any over 35 years olds out there?
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Hey ladies, I’m a newbie and me and my OH decided to start trying for a baby in July. I have not ‘delayed’ motherhood by choice, its just that I have never been with the right man until now.
I am 36 years old (soon to be 37) and the more I look into the statics for us ‘oldies’, in falling pregnant the more worried I am getting that it looks pretty unlikely to happen – despite the face that we have only just started trying! I feel consumed with panic that it won’t happen to me because I have left it too long – even though I’ve had no choice in the matter.
Its making me feel really old too, like I’m past it or something! My boyfriend (quite rightly) keeps telling me to chill out but its hard when everything I read seems so damn negative!
Does anyone else feel the same or am I being complete irrational?
I know I'm supposed to be enjoying this part of it all and I need to relax about it - I am just curious to know if others feel the same.
Hi emsyvh
Oh yes, I'm familiar with the concept. I'm 37 now, still TTC number 1 and have been for just shy of 2 years now. Don't let that put you off, I am not representative of what happens after your 35th birthday but probably would have struggled at any age as I have PCOS and my OH has issues with his semen. A magic combination.
But I so wish I had started earlier, just to take the pressure off as I am fully aware of my advanced years. I think step one in this is to make sure you NEVER read the Daily Mail, ever. Personally I would avoid it for other reasons as well, but it really likes to make women feel like %&*$# by peddling scare stories about age and conception difficulties.
Most newspapers do flirt with this stuff from time to time as well, though, and I think you have to keep in mind some more positive thoughts should you read the articles about how women are sleepwalking into fertility problems by leaving it so late bla bla bla - and as you know we don't all do it because we are ignorant or reckless about having families.
Lots of people do have children even at our great age. It is quite possible to struggle to conceive at the age of 18, and for some people their fertility is absolutely fine into their 40s.
My recommendations to you as you are starting out: buy a BBT thermometer and start charting your cycles, so you become familiar with what they are like (if you've been on the pill for a while, for example) and can hopefully spot a pattern for when you're ovulating. Have sex every other day if you can, and only take a break when you are sure ovulation has gone past. Charting and taking temperatures can seem like a passion-killing obsession but I think trying without it is really like going on a round-the-world sailing trip without a compass. You might get there by luck, but you might just thrash around going nowhere.
If you have a bit of spare cash, knowing what I do now I would also pay for private blood tests and semen analysis, so you can see whether either of you has issues that might need addressing. These should be �200-300 total, I would think. It will probably sound like overkill and not chilled out at all to your OH but far better to do it at the start (and hopefully get the all clear so you can relax) than wait 6 months, start to fret, get fobbed off by your GP and then have them anyway...
It's really hard to stay relaxed about TTC, unless you are lucky and catch on the first time of asking. Most people aren't that lucky, whatever age they are. You might well find that you have to carry the burden of focusing on this alone because men just don't get it. They think that they will knock a girl up if she sits on their knee, but it's actually pretty bloody technical stuff. Mine has cottoned on to the hugeness of it now, after all our efforts and one miscarriage, but it took a while.
Come on here and ask any questions you like, there are some very knowledgeable ladies on here. Good luck!
Oh yes, I'm familiar with the concept. I'm 37 now, still TTC number 1 and have been for just shy of 2 years now. Don't let that put you off, I am not representative of what happens after your 35th birthday but probably would have struggled at any age as I have PCOS and my OH has issues with his semen. A magic combination.
But I so wish I had started earlier, just to take the pressure off as I am fully aware of my advanced years. I think step one in this is to make sure you NEVER read the Daily Mail, ever. Personally I would avoid it for other reasons as well, but it really likes to make women feel like %&*$# by peddling scare stories about age and conception difficulties.
Most newspapers do flirt with this stuff from time to time as well, though, and I think you have to keep in mind some more positive thoughts should you read the articles about how women are sleepwalking into fertility problems by leaving it so late bla bla bla - and as you know we don't all do it because we are ignorant or reckless about having families.
Lots of people do have children even at our great age. It is quite possible to struggle to conceive at the age of 18, and for some people their fertility is absolutely fine into their 40s.
My recommendations to you as you are starting out: buy a BBT thermometer and start charting your cycles, so you become familiar with what they are like (if you've been on the pill for a while, for example) and can hopefully spot a pattern for when you're ovulating. Have sex every other day if you can, and only take a break when you are sure ovulation has gone past. Charting and taking temperatures can seem like a passion-killing obsession but I think trying without it is really like going on a round-the-world sailing trip without a compass. You might get there by luck, but you might just thrash around going nowhere.
If you have a bit of spare cash, knowing what I do now I would also pay for private blood tests and semen analysis, so you can see whether either of you has issues that might need addressing. These should be �200-300 total, I would think. It will probably sound like overkill and not chilled out at all to your OH but far better to do it at the start (and hopefully get the all clear so you can relax) than wait 6 months, start to fret, get fobbed off by your GP and then have them anyway...
It's really hard to stay relaxed about TTC, unless you are lucky and catch on the first time of asking. Most people aren't that lucky, whatever age they are. You might well find that you have to carry the burden of focusing on this alone because men just don't get it. They think that they will knock a girl up if she sits on their knee, but it's actually pretty bloody technical stuff. Mine has cottoned on to the hugeness of it now, after all our efforts and one miscarriage, but it took a while.
Come on here and ask any questions you like, there are some very knowledgeable ladies on here. Good luck!
______________________________________<br />Chick
I'm 35. 
<a href="http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><br /></a>
im not a ttc but i would advise you to both have a nutrition clean out and stop drinking and smoking perhaps take up excercise and eat many mineral boosting foods
http://www.nutrition.org.uk/home.asp?siteId=43§ionId=394&parentSection=315&which=1
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/nutrition/life_preconcpreg1.shtml
http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/how-to/fertility-basics/10-ways-to-boost-your-fertility/
and also what teh previous poster said. stress is a big no no so try adn make it a fun journey good luck
http://www.nutrition.org.uk/home.asp?siteId=43§ionId=394&parentSection=315&which=1
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/nutrition/life_preconcpreg1.shtml
http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/how-to/fertility-basics/10-ways-to-boost-your-fertility/
and also what teh previous poster said. stress is a big no no so try adn make it a fun journey good luck
do-it.org<br /><br /><br />be the change in your life<br />
Hey ladies – thanks for your replies. Its good to know I’m not alone.
Chick – I used ovulation sticks (do lots of people use these? Are they any good?) this month to make sure I caught the right days and thankfully my partner and I have a healthy sex life. I came off the mini pill back in July so have started to chart my periods – in fact, I have never looked at my diary so much!
I read something the other day about buying a Fertility Monitor, I think that may have a BBT thermometer with it – I am off shopping tonight so I will check it out! You’re analogy about sailing without a compass is a good one and quite frankly I feel like I need all the gadgets and gizmos that I can to help push things along as much as I can.
I have already considered going privately to get an initial MOT done and what you’ve said just confirms that its something I need to get organised so thanks for those very, very wise words. My OH will be more than willing to do this with me so it’s a no-brainer I reckon. He is very understanding, I think he just feels it’s a little too soon for me to be worrying about it like I am. Its like I am worrying about the fact that in 6 months time I might have something to worry about if that makes any sense.? The blood tests may help to alleviate that– if I have got things to worry about its better that I know now rather than later.
Good luck to everyone x
Chick – I used ovulation sticks (do lots of people use these? Are they any good?) this month to make sure I caught the right days and thankfully my partner and I have a healthy sex life. I came off the mini pill back in July so have started to chart my periods – in fact, I have never looked at my diary so much!
I read something the other day about buying a Fertility Monitor, I think that may have a BBT thermometer with it – I am off shopping tonight so I will check it out! You’re analogy about sailing without a compass is a good one and quite frankly I feel like I need all the gadgets and gizmos that I can to help push things along as much as I can.
I have already considered going privately to get an initial MOT done and what you’ve said just confirms that its something I need to get organised so thanks for those very, very wise words. My OH will be more than willing to do this with me so it’s a no-brainer I reckon. He is very understanding, I think he just feels it’s a little too soon for me to be worrying about it like I am. Its like I am worrying about the fact that in 6 months time I might have something to worry about if that makes any sense.? The blood tests may help to alleviate that– if I have got things to worry about its better that I know now rather than later.
Good luck to everyone x
skyepark - thanks for the patronising! Absolutely awesome way to try and get new members posting n'est-ce pas? Patronise the %&*$# out of them with common sense.
On what planet exactly do you think people - especially a woman of 35+ - needs to be told to eat healthily and lay off the heroin when ttc? ffs.
On what planet exactly do you think people - especially a woman of 35+ - needs to be told to eat healthily and lay off the heroin when ttc? ffs.
<a href="http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><br /></a>
Hi ladies, thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify, the focus of my post was the age aspect, rather than what I need to do in order to up my chances. I guess I just wanted to hear from a few other girls who were in the same position as myself - to see if anything I felt resonated with them.
After reading Chicks post though, it has kick started me into booking an appointment with the Dr so thanks for your advice! x
Hi emsy
I'm glad it helped. It's great that your partner is going to be on board with having any tests that need to be done, sometimes they aren't and it's understandable that they may be worried to find out something's wrong with them (aren't we all). But I do really believe for anyone it's important to know whether there are any impediments to conceiving, and especially so when you haven't got all the time in the world to let it happen naturally.
Is your doctor NHS or private? If NHS you will more than likely get an attempt at fobbing off from them as they won't consider you a candidate for spending money on unless and until you can prove you've been trying without success. They would certainly agree to test you sooner than a "youngster", but even so not for 6 months, which was why I recommended spending the cash to get your own tests done. If that's what you are doing, ignore this paragraph!
______________________________________<br />Chick
Hi Chick
I am going to ask if a) they would be prepared to do the tests (I am aware that this is very unlikely) so b) get them to refer me to someone in the private sector.
I feel much happier already as its kind of taking away the agony of having to wait 6 or so months to find out that something isn't working properly so I am not prepared to be fobbed off.
When I went to the Dr a few years ago, I think I was 34 (I didn't have a partner at the time after breaking up from a long term relationship) I wanted to find out more about getting my eggs frozen. I know this sounds drastic but you don't know when (or if) you are going to meet anyone again. She told me not to worry about it quite yet as there lots of older Mums around these days. I know that there are more now than there have ever been, but I just don't know any so it makes you feel a bit isolated when you are trying at my age and every woman I see with a baby looks about 22!
I am going to ask if a) they would be prepared to do the tests (I am aware that this is very unlikely) so b) get them to refer me to someone in the private sector.
I feel much happier already as its kind of taking away the agony of having to wait 6 or so months to find out that something isn't working properly so I am not prepared to be fobbed off.
When I went to the Dr a few years ago, I think I was 34 (I didn't have a partner at the time after breaking up from a long term relationship) I wanted to find out more about getting my eggs frozen. I know this sounds drastic but you don't know when (or if) you are going to meet anyone again. She told me not to worry about it quite yet as there lots of older Mums around these days. I know that there are more now than there have ever been, but I just don't know any so it makes you feel a bit isolated when you are trying at my age and every woman I see with a baby looks about 22!
emsy - this might make you laugh. When I got pg a few months ago I signed up to a predominantly US website called whattoexpect.com - I was HORRIFIED by the hideous banners everyone had on their profile - but it took me all of 24 hours to realise that I was not only the OLDEST mummy on the board... but that some of banners read (for real!) "High School Seniors TTC"! 
<a href="http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><br /></a>
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