Hey!!
So i posted her November 2011 and January 2011, regarding this guy i was seeing (We had 'history', he dumped an ex, i thought him and i were going to get together, it hasn't panned out, wasted 4 months on another loser).
SOOOOOO, he continued to keep me at arm's length one day, and then be chatty and open with me the next. We eventually saw each other and as lovely as it was, i just knew then and there it had to stop before i got hurt.
Basically, it hit me today when i was in the shower, that not only has he been hot and cold, up and down with me for last month, what am i doing giving someone the time of day who 3 months ago was telling me how things weren't great with his g.f. and we basically together cheated on her. What the hell was i thinking!!!!! I was talking, actively pursuing and flirting with a guy i could not have, simply because he told me he wanted me, how low self-esteem have you got to be.
Anyway, my point is, today i ended it completely. Told him i don't need any stress or crap because i have so much on. I have told him this about 3 times before, each time he persuaded me back and i gave him more chances to make things good. WHY!! Anyone who is so difficult to get, who would disrespect their girlfriend (he always maintains he has never cheated until what happened with us, which he counted as cheating, and that he is a one-woman guy).
So i'd like to end by saying, as %&*$# as it can feel at times to be alone, and as much as you might 'like' a person, have 'feelings' for them and want them to feel the same, if they are not giving the same to you, they just ain't worthy.
It took me 5 months to realize this? To realize that being alone but true to myself and not opening myself up to a world of pain is actually much better than the drama and sometimes entertainment factor involved with chasing a relationship.
Bit of a random post i know, just thought i would update and provide my own little bit of advice for anybody who like me has spent recent weeks worrying, overthinking, trying to figure a person out. If they are right for you, you will know, and if they are a good person, you will know. I still believe that actions speak louder than words is the truest cliche there is, and it applies so well to us singletons in the search for our person...
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Finally made a clean break....
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Good for you!
It's great that you've realised that the situation wasn't healthy but don't think of it as 'wasting 4 months on another loser' - instead, look at it as a learning experience that has equipped you with the skills to (hopefully!) avoid any similar situations in future, or at least get out in the early stages if there are any red flags.
Have a look at www.baggagereclaim.com too, as there are loads of helpful posts on no contact, self-esteem, cheating etc. It's a really useful resource.
FJP x
It's great that you've realised that the situation wasn't healthy but don't think of it as 'wasting 4 months on another loser' - instead, look at it as a learning experience that has equipped you with the skills to (hopefully!) avoid any similar situations in future, or at least get out in the early stages if there are any red flags.
Have a look at www.baggagereclaim.com too, as there are loads of helpful posts on no contact, self-esteem, cheating etc. It's a really useful resource.
FJP x
Well done Hanlove 
I spent 4 years doing this (or rather 2.5years of a 4 year relationship). Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for it to properly register in our minds that we're worth more than what we're putting up with.
When I split with my ex in November, my initial thought was "my god, my world has ended. Everything I planned for myself has shattered before my eyes". My friends told me it'd take some time to realise, but he had done me a favour.
It didn't take long at all for me to realise this. Living on my own made me realise that he brought nothing to our relationship other than making me feel unappreciated and miserable. As that dating website advert says (something along the lines of) being single can be great, so only give it up for someone that makes being in a relationship the best thing in the world.
I spent 4 years doing this (or rather 2.5years of a 4 year relationship). Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for it to properly register in our minds that we're worth more than what we're putting up with.
When I split with my ex in November, my initial thought was "my god, my world has ended. Everything I planned for myself has shattered before my eyes". My friends told me it'd take some time to realise, but he had done me a favour.
It didn't take long at all for me to realise this. Living on my own made me realise that he brought nothing to our relationship other than making me feel unappreciated and miserable. As that dating website advert says (something along the lines of) being single can be great, so only give it up for someone that makes being in a relationship the best thing in the world.
Amen to your words of wisdom. Congratulations for smelling the coffee. I echo what feelingjustpeachy has recommended. Baggagereclaim is an excellent site for anyone who was/is in your situation.
It's disappointingly common to be duped by an idiot who spins all sorts of bs to get an ego massage.
Big hugs! xxx
It's disappointingly common to be duped by an idiot who spins all sorts of bs to get an ego massage.
Big hugs! xxx
Thank-you everyone.
Feelingjustpeachy, i will definitely try that website.
Incubizz,i so know where you have been. My ex last summer, i felt like my life was over for about a month, then it is amazing how quickly you recover after the initial shock and mourning period. I do believe that loving somebody really does not mean they are the right person to be with or the healthiest person to have a relationship with, and as you say, that advert about how being single is great (i love the message of that Ad by the way) i think to leave singledom it has to be for a great person who is just looking for good, honest and true relationships.
Also, like feelingjustpeachy says, every bad experience, is still experience, and i am sure it can only make me stronger. And maybe one less idiot out the picture allows you to get that little bit closer to being happy alone and then really happy with somebody (sorry if that's really cheesey haha).
X X X
Feelingjustpeachy, i will definitely try that website.
Incubizz,i so know where you have been. My ex last summer, i felt like my life was over for about a month, then it is amazing how quickly you recover after the initial shock and mourning period. I do believe that loving somebody really does not mean they are the right person to be with or the healthiest person to have a relationship with, and as you say, that advert about how being single is great (i love the message of that Ad by the way) i think to leave singledom it has to be for a great person who is just looking for good, honest and true relationships.
Also, like feelingjustpeachy says, every bad experience, is still experience, and i am sure it can only make me stronger. And maybe one less idiot out the picture allows you to get that little bit closer to being happy alone and then really happy with somebody (sorry if that's really cheesey haha).
X X X
I like your cheese! It's good.
Thanks for posting. It's a very inspiring and positive thread.
Thanks for posting. It's a very inspiring and positive thread.
WELL DONE YOU XXXXX I too, spent 4 years of being hurt and rejected, and trying to make him feel the same as I did.
Please read my new thread on here - My Valentines Day 2012 -I'm at the real shitty part, but deep down, underneath the grief and the pain, I also feel a sense of relief. I feel scared and so so lost, but hey....thats why I stuck around for so long I suppose, cos was scared of dealing with the feelings that I am now experiencing. But I'm still alive, and have a whole new world of choices, and experiences to look fwd to. I sure as hell wont be making the same mistake ever again!!
Good luck to you hun.....we are worth alot more x x x x x x x x
Please read my new thread on here - My Valentines Day 2012 -I'm at the real shitty part, but deep down, underneath the grief and the pain, I also feel a sense of relief. I feel scared and so so lost, but hey....thats why I stuck around for so long I suppose, cos was scared of dealing with the feelings that I am now experiencing. But I'm still alive, and have a whole new world of choices, and experiences to look fwd to. I sure as hell wont be making the same mistake ever again!!
Good luck to you hun.....we are worth alot more x x x x x x x x
Quoted:
WELL DONE YOU XXXXX I too, spent 4 years of being hurt and rejected, and trying to make him feel the same as I did.
Please read my new thread on here - My Valentines Day 2012 -I'm at the real shitty part, but deep down, underneath the grief and the pain, I also feel a sense of relief. I feel scared and so so lost, but hey....thats why I stuck around for so long I suppose, cos was scared of dealing with the feelings that I am now experiencing. But I'm still alive, and have a whole new world of choices, and experiences to look fwd to. I sure as hell wont be making the same mistake ever again!!
Good luck to you hun.....we are worth alot more x x x x x x x x
Please read my new thread on here - My Valentines Day 2012 -I'm at the real shitty part, but deep down, underneath the grief and the pain, I also feel a sense of relief. I feel scared and so so lost, but hey....thats why I stuck around for so long I suppose, cos was scared of dealing with the feelings that I am now experiencing. But I'm still alive, and have a whole new world of choices, and experiences to look fwd to. I sure as hell wont be making the same mistake ever again!!
Good luck to you hun.....we are worth alot more x x x x x x x x
You are so right. We may have lost something, but it was something bad, and now we have made room for that good person we deserve
It will be hard, insanely hard at first, but you have to remind yourself to take each day at a time (the days seem so long don't they right now), and remind yourself constantly, every time you feel weak, just why your ex was such a bad person and why you don't need that in your life
Nice!!
I've been there too.
I have said things to him that i now think "what was i thinking!!" Why would i let myself be or feel second best!! I should and i am better than that!
I've been there too.
I have said things to him that i now think "what was i thinking!!" Why would i let myself be or feel second best!! I should and i am better than that!
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