Vivid dreams/thinking about ex

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Subject: Vivid dreams/thinking about ex

Hi

I have got to the stage where I really need to talk to someone about what is going on in my head. In April last year I split up with my boyfriend of 10 years. I am 30 and wanted to feel like we were going to have a future (marriage/kids etc) together but he could never give me reassurances that's what he wanted. Becuase of that I had to end it. Soon after I got together with someone I had known for a long time (a work colleague) he is just wanted I needed, sensitive, caring and knew that I had just come out of a long term relationship. Me and my ex as you would expect from being together for so long have alot of common friends together, many who are getting married over the next year or so so there will be gatherings where I will see him.

The problem is that although I know it wasn't right with my ex and I am much happier with my new boyfriend I cannot stop thinking about my ex, to the point where virtually every night I am having dreams with him in. They arent dreams about us getting back together but just any kind of dream but he is always there, probably becuase he is on my mind.

I want to stay friends with him but I am not sure how healthly that is as I know I need to move on plus my new boyfriend, whilst understanding is also not happy about me spending time with him. On a certain level I will have to be friends with him when we come into contact via other friends who I dont want to cut out becuase of the split.

I guess I just miss him and I dont know how to deal with it without it ruining my new relationship. Although I can talk to my new boyfriend about my feelings I feel awful always going back to talking about my ex cos i should be able to just move on and dont want him to think that it means I think any less of him

Any advice appreciated xx

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Willows21
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Subject: Re: Vivid dreams/thinking about ex

Well I think it's quite normal to dream about your "ex" - I even do that years later sometimes, but when I wake up, I always remember I had a lucky getaway, as he turned out to be a proper b...stard from what I hear.
As to staying friends with your ex, I don't know if that's a good idea, at least for the first year or so, because that way you just won't allow your feelings to settle (and I personally found it impossible to be "just friends" and felt akward anyway).

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loulou3000
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Subject: Re: Vivid dreams/thinking about ex

Yeah, the dreams are probably just your brain trying to work through how it's going to be when you see each other. You're weighing up, should I contact him first, smooth things over before we're there with everyone else, etc etc.

Either : You meet up for a platonic coffee and get that first meet out of the way before the first wedding (and I mean platonic - don't talk about any past r/ship stuff, more what you've been up to).

OR you push him to the back of your mind and just accept that it's going to be a bit awkward at the first couple of shared events but it'll go away in time.

You shouldn't have to lose your friends too and it sounds like it just didn't work out because you wanted different things. But you can't keep obsessing about it.

Best of luck - hang on to the lovely new man!

LL x

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laurac41
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Its because you have unfinished business. I dont mean sexually or anything to do with the relationship because you broke up for good reason. But my ex was still appearing in my dreams 2 years into a new relationship of mine. I emailed my ex and apologised for everything that I felt contributed to the breakup and he replied doing the same. Since then, he hasnt even crossed my mind. It just needs putting to bed.