Ok, so the background story:
I'm 25, been with OH for 9 years, been engaged for 3 years, living together and are currently trying for a baby. All sounds perfect, and it is. I love him with all my heart and cannot wait to start our family.
The problem (this could be long - sorry!):
When I was about 19, I met a guy (C) through friends. He was 25, so a bit older then me, but we got on really well. We both liked the same things, had the same taste in music, enjoyed going clubbing, and became really good friends. At this point I'd been with my OH for about 3 years, and we were going through a rough patch. I was at uni (living at home, although was always busy with uni/work) and he was doing shift work so we barely saw each other. I guess I was feeling quite lonely because I'd spend all week doing uni work, I'd be working at weekends and if we did get a spare day together we'd just end up arguing about not seeing each other! We were drifting apart.
I used to go out clubbing pretty much every weekend (OH worked nights at weekends and to be honest, I didn't want to sit in and mope around) and quite often met up with said friends and C. Like I said, C and I got quite close and when OH and I went on a break, we got closer. I spent a lot of time at his flat (nothing happened, just watching dvds, listening to music etc and chatting), and, I guess I should have seen it coming, started to have feelings for him. I didn't tell him about these feelings as I was in a relationship, but he made it clear that it was mutual when one night when we were out he kissed me. He said he'd started to really like me, and didn't do anything because of OH. I stopped it because of OH, but I had really fallen for him. We had a heart to heart the next day, and I explained that I really did like him, but I think I was just feeling lonely and I didn't want to hurt him or OH.
We still stayed friends and OH and I managed to sort things out. It was really hard though, and I don't think I've ever really got over him. While OH didn't have a problem with us being friends (obviously he doesnt know about the kiss), C soon got with a girl who had clearly been trying to ruin our friendship from the start. She'd fancied him for ages, and hated that I was such good friends with him. She'd slag me off to him, call him when she knew we were together, and just try and ruin it. It worked, and I soon stopped hearing from him. I was devastated, not because I wanted to be with him, but because I'd lost one of my best friends. Our mutual friends rarely see him anymore, he doesn't go out (he's not allowed, apparently), he doesn't contact them and they have to make all the effort. C and his OH got married last year, and I've been told he wasn't allowed a stag do, they had to go to his house while she was there to have a drink with him. They've said C isn't happy, and it breaks my heart to think he's unhappy but I know I can't even contact him just to see how he is.
Obviously years have passed since then, OH and I have settled down and we're happy. But every now and then I think of C and it makes me feel a little heart broken. I did fall for him, and I know I shouldn't have let myself, but I did. I know he lives near to where I work, and I often find myself wondering what I'd say to him if he walked past.
Sorry about going on, I just needed to get it all out in the open. I really really miss him, but I know we'd never be able to have the friendship we once had. I don't really know what I'm asking for. Maybe some advice, or what would you do in the situation?
G x
