handbag's got The X Factor - Halloween Week
It's Halloween on this week's X Factor, and we're so excited to see what the contestants pull out of the bag.
8.00And we're off! Dermott is ushered onto the stage by a group of PVC-clad rihanna look a likes. Lucky Demott. Demott explains that Kelly Rowland is in a strop sick so will be replaced tonight with Alexandra Burke. So I guess we can expect some searing insight and light sobbing from her then.
20.20There's some high jinks with The Risk - Ashley quit last week so they decided to recruit Ashford from defunct No Nu Vibe (possibly because their names sound sort of similar). So with that swiftly out of the way, The Risk Mark II perform a tepid version of Michael Jackson's Thriller.
The judges (including Tulisa dressed as a cat), are all pretty pleased with The Risk's non performance, still they've had a rough week, so lets move on...
20.20Next up it's Johnny, who Louis describes as 'the people's diva'. Oh Lord. Johnny's gone for a chance of mood this week in an effort to win over his One True Love Gary Barlow, and instead of singing a novelty song he's gone for Peggy Lee's Is That All There Is. He's even got a pianist and a chandelier.
It seems to do the trick, he gets a standing ovation and Tulisa the cat tells him he looks sexy. He also gets the praise he’s been after from Gary which nearly moves him to tears. God bless Johnny.
20.25Next up it's Sophie Habibis. In an effort to make her seem less boring she's been given GaGa hair, some red eye liner and told to sing Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by Nancy Sinatra. She looks a bit like she's got pink eye and seems a bit bemused by all the staging, but she's still got a cracking voice.
Louis isn't sure about the song choice, which Gary also complains about, but Tulisa loves it. Alexandra concedes that she had some tuning issues but calls her babe and tells her she's a lovely girl, so I guess that's ok then?
20.35Next up it's Marcus, who was very nervous next week, apparently. He sings Stevie Wonder's Superstition, whilst dressed like Russell Brand's homeless younger brother - it seems to do the trick, the judges love it.
20.45 Misha B is on. She does the obligatory pre performance video where she tells everyone that she's not actually a bully. Well maybe a little bit, but she definitely won't do it again. Misha's performing Tainted Love in a red dress and hood - she looks more than a bit Grace Jones (we give Louis approx ten seconds before he ruins it by describing her as a young Diana Ross or something).
Actually she doesn't do any rapping, but Mischa is pretty rocking this week, she gives a performance on a much bigger scale than anyone else we've seen this week. The judges agree, although Louis attempts to say 'Put It Down' in what appears to be a Jamaican accent - give it a rest Louis. Tulisa tries to justify last week's bully comments. Everyone else thinks she rocks. That just because she does.
20.55Janet Devlin's on singing Every Breath You Take by The Police. Because...stalking is pretty scary? Actually she snarls a bit when she sing's which is a bit scary. Although there appears to be a giant dolls house behind her, which makes it less terrifying.
Louis tells Janet she's got it going on. I'm not going to try and identify the accent. The rest of the judges desperately try to pretend that never happened.
21.05It's Frankie Cocozza! The World's least tuneful Artful Dodger! He's singing Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now surrounded by a group of young ladies dressed in tutus because...that's scary?
Despite showing all the charisma of an angry ferret, Tulisa quite liked his performance, as did Louis and Gary. Alexandra, not being a regular passenger of the Frankie Cocozza Crazy Train, questioned how seriously the original Lothario is taking the competition, but no-one seems to have an answer to that.
21.15 Kitty Brucknell’s on next, still reeling from ending up in last week’s bottom two. Kitty’s singing Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These), and she pulls a cracking, GaGa-esque performance out of the bag, complete with a jewel-encrusted bustier and full-on theatrics.
The judges are impressed, including Alexandra, who almost gets into a punch up with Louis about the whole thing. In fact, Alexandra’s been a lot more entertaining than we thought she’d be tonight – could she be after Kelly’s place on the judging panel if Simon decides to do another shake up?
21.30Now it's Little Mix (formally known as The Rythmix). They're singing ET by Katy Perry whilst sitting on swings. They've all got Pierrot masks face painted on, and are doing some sort of robotic synchronised dance routine that is certainly the scariest thing I've seen all night.
The judges all absolutely love them, even Gary Misery Barlow, who proclaims that this competition is 'wide open'. Tulisa Watch! She's taken off her cats ears! Do you think Alexandra made a catty (ha!) comment about them during the ad break?
21.35Finally it's Craig Coulton, who's determined to prove that he can do more than sing ballads. So he's going to...sing a ballad. Well sort of, he's gone for Set Fire To The Rain by Adele (is that a ballad? We're not sure any more). There are some Wagner-inspired bongos in the background and lots of fancy lighting, so Gary's clearly gone all-out on this one. He's definitely blown the judge's Pret sandwich budget.
Louis thinks Craig is the soul of the X Factor and also a contender. Alas, he doesn't say any of this in a Jamaican accent. Tulisa and Louis start bickering about when a ballad isn't a ballad.
And that's it! We're exhausted! Who do you think deserves to leave the competition? Who do you think will win? We want to know. Leave us a comment below.
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