Quiz: Which member of the royal set are you?

By Rebecca Holman

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1. You’ve been invited to a night out in Mahiki by the royal princes this Friday. Do you:

Politely decline, you’ve got to muck out the stables in the morning. You could get the servants to do it for you, but Dobbins does love his morning cuddle.

Google the ingredients for a Treasure Chest Cocktail so you can get a head start at home before you hit the club.

Start body brushing furiously and bulk buy an order of M&S No VPL pants.

Book in a blow dry at your favourite Kensington salon, raid the Reiss sale and practice your Princess Diana camera face.

Spray tan, hair straighteners, job done.

2. It’s three in the morning, Prince Harry’s been sick in your handbag and it’s time to head home. The paparazzi are waiting outside, so you…

You left at 10 o’clock and snuck off to the pub around the corner. By three AM you can be found balancing pint glasses on your head with the local rugby team.

Keep looking straight ahead and walk in a straight line and no-one will realise how drunk you are. Just… keep… walking… don’t… fall… over. Argh, what am I doing on the ground?

The paps were a bit distracted by another member of your party falling over and didn’t really notice your departure at first, so you wait until the furore has died down and try again – walking backwards out of the door this time, to ensure that your bottom gets maximum exposure

You stopped drinking at midnight on the dot and have been on the Perrier ever since. You steer your boyfriend firmly out of the club, holding him up so he doesn’t start swaying while hissing ‘don’t make a scene dear, think about the firm’ in his ear. No-one notices though, they’re mesmerised by your hair.

It’s started raining so your fake tan’s gone a bit streaky and some other bird has been shaking her backside at your ex boyfriend all night, so you get a taxi home on your own, ignoring several texts from the ex: ‘PIPPAS GONE HME WITH A BANKER, CAN I CME RND? FEEL SICK.’

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1. It’s Ascot again, and Grandma Liz has sorted you all out tickets. It’s time to choose your outfit.

You’ve got better things to think about than fashion, but you do like people to think you’ve got a sense of humour. So you dig out some of your mum’s old tweed and accessorise it with a new body piercing – you’re being ironic, of course.

You’ve been getting a lot of flack for your clothing choices recently, so you opt for a safe, smart dress and matching coat and hat combo. Unfortunately, your sister turns up in the exact same outfit in a slightly different colour, and you’re forced to sit next to each other all day. The press, predictably, have a field day.

You opt for something tasteful, stylish and understated from the high street. With a very tight skirt. Just before you leave the house your sister has a quiet word with you about going commando in borrowed clothes, so you reluctantly put some pants on.

Several different internationally renowned designers have offered to dress you for the occasion, but you decide to nip into Peter Jones the night before and pick something up in the Whistles sale.

You weren’t expecting an invite this year, but your ex begged you to come along at the last minute, so you only have time to slap on one layer of Johnson & Johnson Holiday Skin and iron your hair before you rush out of the house.

2. You’ve been asked to open a new science block at your old school, so you…

Get the business stuff out of the way as quickly as possible and then head to the local with your old form tutor to reminisce about the time you broke into the stables at night for a midnight feast and weren’t allowed near the tuck shop for a week as punishment.

You agree to go along but you have to physically restrain your mother from coming with you and cracking on to your old headmaster. Again.

You give a rousing speech about your career as a part time party planner, before treating the crowd to a clear view of your backside as you leave the stage.

You smile beatifically at the rows of small schoolchildren waving Union Jack flags and gazing at you in adoration as you cut the ribbon, but refuse to give a speech or say anything in public. If they hear your voice, the spell’s broken.

You’re a little confused, as you didn’t actually attend the school in question, and you were only given a day’s notice to get your tan up to scratch. Later you spot a copy of the headmaster’s speech, with the name Pippa scribbled out in several places and replaced with yours.

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1. What’s your beauty secret?

You never wear make-up – there’s nothing like the great outdoors to get your complexion glowing.

It’s all about the eye make-up – although this can backfire slightly post midnight, where you’re liable to get snapped with most of your eye liner sliding down your face.

You keep it basic – a splash of fake tan, a slick of mascara and a hint of blusher and you’re away. Let’s face it, no-one’s really going to be looking at your face, anyway, are they?

It’s all about the hair – you only wash it in Evian and champagne and spend three hours a day brushing it with a platinum brush.

You just like to look like you’ve got a natural healthy, mahogany glow

2. Describe your ideal man…

Someone sporty, whose idea of a perfect Sunday is standing at the side of a field in a body warmer shouting ‘rah!’ at a Polo match.

Someone who will never, ever crack on to your mother. And generally has a low tolerance for embarrassing in-laws.

I’m not too bothered, as long as he’s the Duke of somewhere better than Cambridge…

He’s got to be kind, handsome, and tall, be nice to animals and children and have a great sense of humour. Oh, and he has to be a prince of the realm, obv.

I just can’t get enough of those boozy, posh army boys and their HILARIOUS capers.

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Page of : Result

You're Zara Phillips

Despite a lack of HRH, you’ve inherited your grandmother’s love of all things horsey, and are much more likely to be spotted at a horse racing meet than falling out of nightclub. That’s not to say you haven’t got a wild side, but you’re more likely to be in the pub with the rest of the lads than downing cocktails in Whisky Mist.

I'm Zara Philips! Take the @handbagcom quiz and find out which member of the royal set you are.

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You're Princess Beatrice

Forget K:Mid - you’re the real People’s Princess. Your mum’s a bit embarrassing, you’re prone to the odd fashion gaffe and you actually have to work at it if you want to be a size eight. You’re proof that being born royalty doesn’t mean everything’s going to be easy, but you’re not going to let that stop of having a good time.

I'm Princess Beatrice! Take the @handbagcom quiz and find out which member of the royal set you are.

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You’re Pippa Middleton

Ok, you’re not technically royalty (yet), but why let that stop you? You’ve got potential suitors lining up to ask you out, but you’re biding your time before you settle down. In the meantime, you’re just going to enjoy the attention.

I'm Pippa Middleton! Take the @handbagcom quiz and find out which member of the royal set you are.

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You’re Kate Middleton (sorry, the Duchess of Cambridge)

You’ve found your prince and you’re determined to do everything you can to keep him happy. Part hopeless romantic, part steely determination, you’ll do everything you can to be the perfect girlfriend and wife.

I'm Kate Middleton! Take the @handbagcom quiz and find out which member of the royal set you are.

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You’re Chelsy Davy

Your ex is still hanging around, you have an unhealthy addiction to fake tan, and you’ve got a new, booty-shaking love rival. Best bet is to take yourself off for a nice holiday and wait for it all to settle down.

I'm Chelsy Davy! Take the @handbagcom quiz and find out which member of the royal set you are.