It's a sad day when you discover you're too old for youth culture. Instead of joining the party, you're tutting at the TV. When they show a bunch of spaced-out teens in a field, you're more concerned about the litter than the musical love-in.
There was a time when you were part of teen trends. Now you're witnessing it from the comfort of your sofa.
Even internet fads are more likely to faze than fascinate. If you haven't tried the new game Second Life in an attempt to make your own a little more up-to-date - don't bother. A conversation in cyberworld needs a whole new dictionary to decipher it. When you still text in sentences, you know you're too long winded for the latest web generation.
Even MySpace is depressing. The people are too young, good looking and popular. You're better off ogling the obituaries to raise your spirits.
In some ways, you can be pleased the pressure is off. You no longer have to pretend to be cool. You can celebrate being bamboozled by bright young things. Even laugh about it with friends over an overpriced Chablis. And reminisce about the days you swayed to Soft Cell while trying to lick black lipstick off your teeth.
And you no longer have to be a slave to fashion. Just a prisoner of gravity. Why bother with the latest leggings when you can no longer wrestle your stomach in? How can fashion be a focus when comfort is the priority? At least you can sneer at the latest sartorial shockers without having your own.
You may have no idea what the latest youth cult is, but who cares? You danced with people dribbling with delight at their glowsticks first time round. Why would you bother going through that again? Sit back and relax. It's OK to be out of touch.
