Wouldn't you hate to be a bloke? Apart from the fact that you wouldn't be able to conveniently blame your filthy temper on your hormonal cycle and the fact that you'd have to start leaving your underwear all over the bedroom floor for other people to pick up, there would be more serious disadvantages. You would, for instance, have to deal with the world using male reasoning. Gulp - not easy. Because, let's face it, male reasoning is very different from female reasoning.
Female logic
While men call a spade a spade, as the old saying goes, us women will call it whatever we like, using our logic in an entirely unique way to subvert common sense when it doesn't suit us. Take, for example, the 'chips off a friend's plate' scenario. You all know the deal... the chip calories just don't count if you pinch the chips off a friend's plate. Well, you didn't order them, did you? Brilliant, eh? Similarly, there's the carrot cake girlie logic that many of us follow (and those who don't, should)... Carrot cake, as many of us girls know, is permissable in large quantities on any diet because - wait for it - carrots are veggies with virtually no calories. Perfect. Another triumphant female logic leap over a seemingly tricky obstacle.
What us women have here is a way of dealing with life that makes the world work just perfectly for us, allowing us to indulge in the things we want without feeling guilty. Common sense stands before us telling us one thing and we simply say, 'To hell with that!' and cleverly twist things whichever way we damn well please.
'Track suit pants do it for me,' explains Jackie from Devon. 'I wear them around the house when I can't be bothered to go to the gym, and for some reason I feel 'active' all day. I convince myself wearing those pants is as good as going to the gym - and it is!'
'Candles,' says Gill from north London. 'They're a little luxury that I just love. I tell myself they don't cost anything (well, they don't, do they?). And I tell myself that I really need them (well, I do) and I suppose I must spend more on tea lights than I do on jewellery (but I rarely allow myself to think about that).'
'Lipstick,' admits JoAnn from Herts guiltily. 'What I really want is a new face, and I believe a new lippy will do the trick. Amazingly, it sort of does!'
Men's logic
Beginning to get the point? Us girls sail through life persuading ourselves that there are good reasons for eating, spending and doing the naughty things we love. Men, on the other hand, are either on a diet or they're not. They're either going easy with money or they're not. For them, life is black and white, while for us it's an altogether more colourful experience!
'I can't see the point of fooling yourself like that,' says Philip from St Albans. 'I mean, if you eat a chip, you get a chip's-worth of calories. Right?' NO, Philip! Wrong! 'And a new lipstick just won't change your face, will it?' Of course it will!
You could try explaining girlie logic to men until you're blue in the face and they won't get it. Why? Because such logic runs deep in the female psyche and isn't usually present in the male psyche at all. Take hugs, for example. Lots of blokes when they're feeling low just don't do hugs. What good is hug? It doesn't change anything. It can't bring your lover back or get you a new job, can it? Women know this, but girlie logic tells them that a hug will make things better. And so will a good cry, for that matter. And hey presto - the hug and the cry DO work for women. They give us some space from the harsh realities of the world and make us feel so much better.
A lot of guys will knock hugging and crying - weird, aren't they? But trust your girlfriends on this one and on all matters of girlie logic. Nurture this wonderfully female side of yourself. Revel in it! Whether it means you get a yummy little treat to eat, a good cry or a new lippy, always remember that indulgence is good for you. Us girls just couldn't live without it. And my girlie logic tells me that that's official!
