It's always the first step that's the most daunting, and, without doubt, fear is the greatest enemy to change. Fear is what keeps us chained to the same dreary office job year after year, stops us from embarking on that long-imagined gap year or holds us back from buying that dream home that 'needs a lot of work'. But while that classic self-help line about 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway' is all well and good, where do we even begin?
Facing the fear
Take that dream home. In your mind's eye you can see it restored to its full glory and imagine yourself growing old there. But the staircase is crumbling, the surveyor's muttering about dry rot and potential loss of investment and you're worried about taking on such a huge, risk-filled commitment.
Of course you're scared, but instead of backing away, give it another look. Get a second opinion, collect builders' quotes and project your costs; prioritise what has to be done now and what can wait and find out what your bank will lend you.
By arming yourself with knowledge, you give yourself power and begin to take control. A plan is less daunting when you can see exactly what needs to be done and the same rules that are relevant to rebuilding a house apply to everything from coping with the fallout from a recently ended relationship to finding a new job.
Take charge of your life
First you need to decide what you want. Leaping at every new opportunity just because it's offered is potentially as damaging as doing nothing; you need to focus on what matters to you. Next, look at the challenges you face in realising your dream and break them into individual projects; by looking after the little things, you'll find that the big things really do have a way of taking care of themselves.
Of course, some changes are forced upon us, making them seem out of our control. And while it might be appealing to give into the ensuing despair (assisted by a bottle of Baileys and a maudlin sing-along to Women Alone, Vol. IV), seeming disasters - be they redundancy, the end of a relationship or circumstantial shifts in friendships (feeling left out when your best friend has a baby, say) - can actually have a positive spin-off if you handle them right.
Make your own luck
Recent research has shown that there's no such thing as lucky people – those who appear to be touched by the lucky stick do in fact make their own good fortune by a combination of attitude (positive, of course), a willingness to turn a theoretically bad situation to their advantage and good old-fashioned hard work. Refuse to see yourself as a victim and you'll soon be back in control.
It pays to be flexible. Plans can and do change. Just because that promised dream job turned out to be not so idyllic after all doesn't mean you've failed. Take the new skills and experience you've accrued and apply them to something else. Keeping your options open widens your chances for success.
Remember, change – no matter how good in the long term – is always going to mean some upheaval in the start. This prospect alone is enough to send many of us racing for the duvet for cover. But stick with it. With the right attitude and a little hard work, it'll all be worth it. Promise.
