Stop beating yourself up
Everyone has felt the numbing effects of criticism, and over time the results are not pretty. So why do it to the person you should love the most – yourself?
A lifetime of negative beliefs will dent anyone's self-image. Your life can even stagger to a halt under the weight of what parents, teachers and school bullies have said.
Self-pity, cynicism, self-harming, bulimia or lack of self-esteem can too easily become the norm and so, when life bites you in the butt, you crumple and say, 'Doesn't that just prove that I'm worthless?' No, it doesn't. And the good news is that you can break the cycle.
Building up your confidence
Everyone is brainwashed by something – adverts, bad relationships, the boss from hell. You can begin to replace this brainwashing with positive things and start to attract great people and wonderful achievements by self-affirmation. This means permission to grow, as well as resolution of past feelings and healing.
Take some post-it notes and write down some positive statements about yourself that you know to be at least partly true, like 'I am reliable,' 'I am generous,' 'I'm a great friend.'
Put them in a row on the side of the bathroom mirror or on the dashboard of your car. Then write out some short statements about your potential – 'I can get promoted,' 'I can take more risks.' Repeat them every time you see them, until they are engraved on your brain.
The truth is that what you THINK you are, you will become! Sounds silly? Try a mini version of the principle. Look in the mirror and tell yourself lots of times that you are ugly and stupid, and feel that depression start to sap you. Then tell yourself you are gorgeous and truly gifted. Notice the difference?
It's all part of retraining your thoughts. Every time a sad, angry or critical thought comes to mind, replace it with a positive one. Go a step further and (inwardly) praise yourself every time you do something well. Self-affirmation really works.
Teach yourself to override any negative thoughts about yourself until you do it automatically. 'I'm useless and I'll be stuck in this menial job forever' has to become 'I deserve promotion in the next six months, or I'll find a better job.'
Take control of your life
Learning to trust yourself in any situation is crucial. Honestly acknowledge your weaknesses and your strengths by replaying yesterday and the day before in your mind. Which of your positive qualities can you emphasise to make up for your faults?
For instance, if killer snide remarks that seemed really funny at the time have recently lost you an old friendship, train your empathy for others to get to the door of your life before your bitchy comments. If your disorganised appearance made your boss have second thoughts about making you a partner in the firm, let your perfectionist tendencies, when it comes to work, spill over into your professional persona and keep it on track.
Admit that you alone are responsible for every choice you make today and every day. 'Owning' your decisions means you get credit for the good ones as well as a chance to change the bad ones. You have the power!
The way other people treat you will always be an echo of the way you treat yourself, so get in training to treat yourself like a star. Just a small amount of pampering every day will encourage your brain to recognise that you are worth looking after. Do your nails, buy yourself a bunch of flowers, say no to things you don't want to do - you deserve the best!
Once you tell yourself enough times that you are capable, talented and popular, you will begin to believe it and, more importantly, behave like it.
