Celebrate being a woman
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Woman laughing
By Marged Richards
Here are 10 reminders why it\'s great to be female. From PMT (really!) to girlie TV, make-up, secret languages and beyond.
May PMT never RIP
relationships,men,women
Woman eating chocolate
Sure, it can be about as much fun as a day disco-blading with John Prescott, but it is exclusively us ladies who once a month have a full and free licence to the role of Psycho-Bitch. And then blame it all on our man - who dare not disagree in case he finds the inside of his PlayStation neatly filled with alternating layers of crushed garlic and cornflakes. Again. And we get to live off Maltesers, Cadbury\'s and Sherbet Dips for seven days in a row. Ho, ho.
Girlie essentials
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Women having a pedicure
While no way is it okay for our live-in lover to leave loose change and receipts, dirty tissues or copies of Moron Monthly around the place, it is fine for us to keep our toe divider, spot-zapper and other essentials on the coffee table because we never know when we\'re going to need them at short notice.
Sex when we want it
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Couple
We can change a man\'s trouser appearance with the suggestive wink of a long-lashed eye. Whereas if he wants to get jiggy with it he has to work his way through a list of treats, the length of which is in direct proportion to how many times he hasn\'t washed the dishes that week: cookies and Cream Haagen Daazs, wine, scented candles...
Mysterious gynaecological disorders
health,men,women
Women eating an icecream
We can scare the males in our lives with mysterious gynaecological disorders. "Oh, but it\'s really bad. I haven\'t had baddusbellius for years. It\'s soooo awful. Look, I thought I should tell you that, erm, recorded symptoms include a sudden and irreversible inability to cook, clean, seduce or support Chelsea. More ice cream? Yes. That might ease the agony."
Gorgeous George
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George Clooney
It\'s entirely possible that one day we\'ll be Mrs Clooney. No, really.
Girlie telly
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Ugly Betty
Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Next Top Model, (and formerly, our sacred Sex And The City) - they were made for us. Even better, they\'re an excuse to get the girls round in their jim-jams for a night of conversational pap. Men get a poke in the eye if they interrupt. On the other hand, if a mate of yours calls during Match Of The Day, you get to conduct a loud and lengthy conversation or he doesn\'t get grub that night.
The magic of make-up
women,make-up
Woman applying make-up
Spots or bags? We can call on the power of Touche Eclat to magic them away. Men? They have to suffer us taking the piss. "Jeez, Dave, that\'s a right juicy corker you\'ve got sprouting on that there nose of yours. Do you know what? I think I\'ll go out with the girls tonight. Here, put some of this on it (handing him a paper bag)."
We\'re sexy, goddamit!
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Woman
We wear men\'s clothes: we look sexy. We put on a feminine outfit: we look beautiful. We wear a bin liner and know that underneath is a set of curves so celestial that you could place a small ladder against your knees and attach a sign stating "Stairway to heaven." We wear nothing, and, well... toss my pancake and call me Kate Moss.
Our secret language
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Girls laughing
Women understand each other without having to explain things. In fact, sometimes we don\'t need words - gestures and sounds do fine. Did you know that last March a teacher from Northampton communicated the entire contents of the week\'s issue of Heat to her friend purely through facial expressions and hand movements? Probably not, because I just made it up. But you get the idea. Plus we can make comments about men right in front of them because they\'re not listening anyway, are they?
We\'re always right
men,women
Happy woman
Whether single, sensibly married or an admirer of Eamonn Holmes, we\'re always right. Even when we\'re not. Yes we are. We are!
